


Down the Line

by KO5



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 75,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5808697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KO5/pseuds/KO5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after Rio and much to everyone’s surprise, including themselves, Hope and Kelley separate the moment they begin life together. Fast forward through years of estrangement and a national team reunion brings Hope back into the spotlight and causes unanswered questions to surface. The team questions the truth surrounding their two most problematic teammates while seven year old Henley O’Hara just desperately wants to get to know her mother whom everyone seems so wary about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Like Old Times

**Author's Note:**

> I've been outlining this story for awhile now and thought I would post the first chapter to get some feedback from you all. Let me know what you think and if the response is positive, I'll continue with the story. I can't promise there won't be any angst (that's my forte as a writer), but there will be much less than my other fics- and as of now, I foresee a very happy ending :) 
> 
> Special shout out to another writer, b_payne4511, who suggested a song originally for The Soundtrack, but ended up inspiring this multi-chapter fic. Check out her stories- they're great!

_You’re gonna have to meet me further down the line_

_‘Cause you’re the right person at the wrong time_

-John Newman,  _Down the Line_

* * *

 

 

// July 2025

Kelley nervously picked at her nails as her eyes scanned the latest email outlining the upcoming reunion schedule. They were in San Francisco for the rest of the week to celebrate the ten year anniversary of their 2015 world cup win. It would be the first time in over a decade that their whole team would be gathered together.

 

The _whole_ team. All twenty three players would be present, stated as eloquently as possible in the email that Kelley had been reading for the past five minutes. She had just finished reading the last section of the email when her phone started to buzz with notifications. Within minutes, she had four unread messages from Alex, two from Ashlyn, and two missed calls from Carli. Kelley ignored the continuous buzzing of her phone as more messages flooded in, but as she was halfway through reading the email for a second time, a certain text caught her attention.

 

_Christie: Everyone meet in the conference room of the hotel lobby in ten minutes. This is mandatory._

Kelley sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She reluctantly stood up from her bed and wandered into the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror, realizing that the expression on her face betrayed her emotions inside. She felt strong and put together for the most part, but the creases in her face and the frown tugging at the corners of her mouth said otherwise. She suddenly felt her heart lean further back against the walls she had built around it.

 

Nevertheless, Kelley tied her disheveled hair into a bun and straightened out the wrinkles in her shirt. She made her way to the hotel lobby, figuring that it would be better if she were one of the first to show up. Luckily, many of her teammates were having their own conversations of their own that they seemed to ignore the unusually quiet brunette in the corner. Ashlyn kept shooting her sympathetic looks and Kelley knew that if it weren’t for Ali holding her back, she would’ve been seated next to her in a flash. As Kelley waited anxiously for everyone to arrive, she couldn’t help but overhear the conversations surrounding her.

 

“God, we haven’t even been here for a full day and Cap has already called a team meeting.” Kling mumbled as she slumped further into her chair.

 

Tobin turned to her shorter teammate, “This wasn’t in the schedule, right? I thought our first meeting was in two days from now.”

 

“It is.” Christen pointed out, “Our first meeting with Jill, that is.”

 

“Well, there’s obviously something we all need to talk about alone as a team or else Cap wouldn’t have gathered us here.” Julie observed, taking a seat next to her friends.

 

Moe groaned, “I can’t believe we’ve managed to have a team meeting before our first official one. I mean, I love seeing you all, but when Cap calls a team meeting this quick, you know it can’t be good.”

 

Kling sat up straighter, noticing the last two people to walk through the door. She shook her head, “Oh yeah…this most _definitely_ isn’t good.”

 

Carli and Alex stood in front of the room besides Christie, both women clearly fuming with disbelief and rage. Alex searched the room for her freckled faced teammate while Carli faced her former captain.

 

“Christie, tell me this is a joke, please. This can’t be happening, right?” Carli scowled.

 

“We’ll talk about this in just a moment…”

 

“No, we need to get to the bottom of this right now. That’s why I called you to set up the meeting! So again, please tell me this isn’t happening.”

 

“Carli…”

 

After softening her expression for one moment as she locked eyes with Kelley, Alex turned her attention back to the dialogue at the front of the room, “Christie, how the hell did we get here?! We all know she hasn’t been a part of this team for years now! And now suddenly she’s back as if nothing happened?!”

 

“Well, not exactly…you guys…” Christie managed to get out, before being interrupted once again.

 

“Look, I just think it’s really unfair for Kelley to have to get through this reunion with someone she hasn’t seen in forever- or anyone for that matter!” Carli argued.

 

Kling stood up in her spot, quickly catching on to their conversation, “Whoa, whoa, whoa…hold up. Are we talking about _Hope_?”

 

Ashlyn rolled her eyes, also irritated by the situation at hand. “Yes, of course we are, Kling.”

 

“You’re joking.” Kling let out a soft chuckle in disbelief, both of her hands on her hips. “We’re having this team meeting to talk about Hope and Kelley?! Seriously, again?!”

 

Kelley grimaced at her teammate’s comment and continued to stare at her feet. Kling was right. There had been one too many times where their team meetings had centered on her and Hope. Their entire team had discussed everything from serving as therapists as the two sorted through messy arguments to proposing ways to keep the two focused on the game rather than on each other when they were out on the field. Kelley couldn’t help but feel guilty once again for taking the team back to such another meeting. Just like old times.

 

Carli sneered at her short haired teammate, “Well, if you would learn to read your email, Kling, then maybe…”

 

“Enough!” Christie raised her voice. “Carli and Alex, sit down!”

 

The two players reluctantly did as they were told, knowing that Christie was truly mad for she was never one to raise her voice.

 

Christie sternly directed, “We’re going to have this discussion under my mediation and we’re going to be civilized about it just like the grown adults we are. Got it?”

 

Everyone nodded their heads in silence. Abby stood up next and walked to the front of the room to stand by her former co-captain. “I agree. We have something big to discuss, but let’s not start this reunion off on the wrong foot. Guys, it’s the first time we’ve been together basically since Vancouver! We should be celebrating!”

 

Christie smiled at her friend, shooting her a thankful look in the process. She turned to face everyone else, “We’re a team, remember? Let’s start acting like one again.”

 

Abby nodded and started with the question, “Alright, so who here has read the latest email from the coaching staff? Show of hands?”

 

Kelley removed her eye contact with the ground to look around at the hands shooting up. About half of the team had their hands raised while the other half, including Kling and the group of girls she had been talking with earlier, had looks of confusion plastered all over their faces.

 

Abby continued, “Okay, so for those who haven’t read through that email yet…long story short, Hope will indeed be present for our reunion.”

 

A couple gasps were heard around the room and conversation in whispers began. Christen quietly spoke up, “No one’s heard from her in so long, correct? So how did we end up contacting her to join us this week?”

 

Christie explained, “It turns out that Hope’s been overseas somewhere in Europe as part of the coaching staff for local kids clubs.”

 

Carli smirked loudly and just rolled her eyes, not believing that Hope would be part of some kid’s team when she had abandoned her own child. Christie shot her a glare to keep quiet and went on, “Apparently, one of the key members on the planning committee for this reunion knows her old manager and was able to get her contact information. Jill, and the rest of the staff, extended the invitation to her and she simply agreed to come. That’s all the details I know.”

 

Sensing that Christie was done talking, Carli took the opportunity to speak up, “Alright, so can we please get to the point here…why would Jill think it’s okay to suddenly include Hope knowing everyone’s history with her?”

 

Abby shrugged, “Well maybe that’s worth looking at. What if Jill doesn’t know?”

 

“Oh come on, Abby, _everyone_ knows.” Ashlyn bluntly stated.

 

Carli spoke up again, “Okay, well regardless of what Jill knows or does not know, I still don’t understand why Hope would think it’s completely okay for her to make an appearance after all these years, after everything she’s done…especially to Kelley.”

 

Christen sighed, “Carli’s right. Kelley doesn’t deserve this.” She sent a compassionate look towards her Stanford graduate.

 

“Kelley may not deserve this, but at the same time, Hope will always be part of the 2015 world cup squad, whether we like it or not.” Becky mentioned, being the voice of reason as usual.

 

Julie nodded her head, “Plus the fans are expecting all of us to be present.”

 

Christen pointed out, “Yeah, but the fans also have some sort of idea of what happened in the past and since then, I bet she’s lost a lot of support.”

 

Kling then observed, “That’s the issue though. The fans don’t really know what happened…in the same way that many of us don’t either.” The short haired player sighed, thinking back on her fonder memories of the leader of the back five and not wanting to truly believe that she could’ve been so harsh to Kelley, someone else that she also knew well and loved dearly. Kling went on, “Honestly, I don’t think I can comment on this further just because I don’t know the full truth.”

 

Ali spoke up for the first time, “Kling is making a good point…I know that the majority of us are wary of Hope’s decision making process, knowing her track record and all, but do we _really_ know what happened between Hope and Kelley? No, we don’t.”

 

Carli interrupted as politely as possible, “The facts are obvious enough though that I think all of us can make our own conclusions.”

 

“Come on, you guys,” Ali pleaded, “We’re a team. We got to have each other’s backs.”

 

Ashlyn frowned at her wife, “Ali, please don’t turn this into a team morality talk.”

 

Alex agreed, “Yeah, seriously, Kriegs? As far as I’m concerned, the only person we should look out for right now is Kelley.” 

 

Tobin, who was often quiet during team meetings like this, tried to eliminate the growing tension in the room, “Whoa, guys, we have to stop ganging on each other.”

 

Christie immediately followed up with, “Thank you, Tobin.”

 

Lauren piped up, “I’m not trying to take Hope’s side here, but like Kling pointed out earlier, we don’t have much of a say as to whether or not Hope can return. Whatever Hope did years ago is between her and Kelley. We have to stop thinking that we can fix every single person’s personal life on this team- that’s where we’ve gotten ourselves into trouble in the past.”

 

Sydney argued in return, “I’m just going to throw it out there and say that it’s pretty clear that Hope left on her own terms. I mean, what’s new? She’s done it to Kell before.”

 

Carli exclaimed, “Thank you! Gosh, finally we’re getting somewhere.”

 

“I wouldn’t exactly say that…” Lauren mumbled just loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

Carli stood up as her emotions started a fire within, “Is it not crystal clear?! Hope freaking left Kelley…she left _all_ of us!”

 

Kelley looked at the midfielder with concern. Obviously, Carli had taken Hope’s disappearance just as hard as she had. She had been her best friend for crying out loud and for Hope to simply leave without telling her hurt Carli immensely. It was very upsetting that Hope had left her out of this particular battle she was fighting. Soon, the tension in the room grew as the majority of the team began to side with Carli’s point of view. Even the defenders, those closest to Hope, seemed a bit ticked off by their mentor’s absence. Kelley couldn’t believe that her entire team was fighting over this, that the strained relationship between her and Hope was even still worth fighting for.

 

Alex pleaded with the two captains at the front of the room, “I think we need to bring Jill into is. We have to talk to her. Where is she?!”

 

Suddenly, a voice boomed over everyone. Kelley cringed and did not dare to look back at her now standing bleach blonde teammate at the opposite end of the room. It was Pinoe.

 

“ _Oh my god!_ This is ridiculous! Can we all just grow up?! You’re killing me here. We’re talking as if Kelley isn’t in the room. Instead of making all these assumptions and getting our panties in a bunch, why don’t we ask Kelley what she thinks about all this?!”

 

The room rendered quiet as all eyes drifted towards the freckled face brunette who didn’t think it was any more possible to slouch further down in her chair.

 

Kelley stared straight ahead and mumbled, “Jill already ran this by me.”

 

“Speak up, Kelley.” Christie encouraged.

 

Kelley cleared her throat and continued, “I knew about this coming into camp…”

 

“Wait, _what_?” Alex asked, confusion laced in her tone of voice.

 

“Awesome.” Kling mumbled as she crossed her arms. “You knew this whole time.”

 

Kelley turned around to face everyone as best as she could and defended herself, “I just…I didn’t know this would become such a big deal to everyone…I said yes. I said that it was alright with me if Hope came to the reunion. I said yes.” She repeated, mostly to convince herself of her own decision.

 

Carli was speechless, but noticed the uncertainty, and fear, becoming more evident in Kelley’s eyes. She still didn’t know what to say, so Alex quickly took hold of the conversation.

 

“Kell, you didn’t have to…”

 

Morgan asked out of curiosity, “Uh, so what happens now? What do you want us to do?”

 

Ashlyn pressed for answers as well, “Kell, have you talked to her? Do you know when she’s coming?”

 

Kelley resumed her eye contact with the floor, slowly beginning to stress more and more as her teammates hounded her with questions. Luckily, Pinoe intervened.

 

“Guys, if Kelley gave her consent to Jill, then it’s official. Hope will be with us for the rest of the week.” Pinoe nodded towards Kelley, who looked up at her gratefully.

 

There were a lot of unanswered questions remaining, but Christie recognized Kelley’s all too familiar expression when it came to her relationship with Hope and knew that the younger defender was on the verge of breaking down. She turned to Abby, pleading with her eyes to help end the meeting.

 

Abby quickly caught on and announced, “Well then…I think we should wrap things up so we don’t waste the rest of the evening. You’re all free to leave.”

 

As soon as Abby finished talking, Kelley bolted out of the room. She had wanted to stick around and face the harassment of questions that were sure to follow, but as she sat through the meeting, she realized how real this all had become. She and Hope were going to be face to face for the first time in seven years. The tears came as she repeatedly pushed the button for the elevator, hoping that she could escape for just one moment. Though she prayed that no one would follow her, she felt a pair of hands spin her around.

 

“Kelley, wait…”

 

It was Carli, of course. Kelley looked up helplessly at her friend in hopes of finding some comfort, something she had gotten used to doing throughout all these years. Carli sighed and brought the shorter woman in for an embrace, feeling Kelley’s tears soak through her shirt.

 

“Kell, what are you doing? You didn’t have to do this…you don’t have to act like this is nothing when it is most definitely something. It’s okay not to be so strong all the time; you’ve done that for so many years now. This is something you can freak out about…”

 

“I…I haven’t seen her in so long and…I…” Kelley choked.

 

“Shhhh…remember, it’s okay to not be okay…”

 

“I know, I know.” Kelley pulled away and wiped her tears in frustration, “Sorry, I don’t know why I suddenly lost it. I mean, I knew what I was getting myself into.”

 

“Don’t be sorry…you have nothing to be sorry about.” Carli held her still by her shoulders.

 

Kelley glanced away, feeling the guilt rise within her after hearing Carli’s statement. She sighed, “Thank you for everything, really…but…I…I think I need to handle this mostly on my own from here on, okay? Just let me try, please.”

 

Carli shook her head, “Whatever you say, Kell, but I think both of us know that you’re going to need as much support as you can get this upcoming week. I’ll be waiting for when you want to talk.”

 

Kelley half-smiled and repeated, “Thanks, Carli.”

 

Carli nodded before changing the subject, “Anytime…hey, where’s the kiddo? I haven’t seen her all day!”

 

“She’s spending the day in the city with Rylie and Reece, thankfully…I told her to be home sometime in the afternoon, so that should be any minute now. We’ll probably go find something to eat when she gets back…want to join us?”

 

Carli nodded, “Yeah, sure…just let me know.”

 

Kelley walked back to her room and while she waited, she couldn’t help but open up her laptop once again. Her inbox was flooded with many more emails, including the U.S Soccer official announcement of Hope’s return. She was well into the article when the door flew open and a young girl bounced in.

 

“Momma!”

 

Kelley quickly spun around in her chair and greeted the mini version of herself, “Hey, Freckles.”

 

Henley groaned as she climbed into her mother’s lap. “Don’t you think I’m a little old for nicknames?”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes, “Don’t you think you’re a little old for sitting in your mother’s lap?”

 

Henley blushed and further buried herself into her mother’s chest, something that she had done ever since she was a kid. She admitted, “Fineeee…I mean, I don’t mind having a nickname and all, but does it really have to be _freckles_?” Her face scrunched up in disgust.

 

“Yes.” Kelley shrugged.

 

“Why? How did you even come up with that anyways?” Henley asked innocently.

 

Kelley’s mind reverted back to a certain practice months after Henley was born and how Hope stood on the sidelines with baby in arms, uncharacteristically squealing about the dusting of freckles already beginning to form on her daughter’s tiny little face. Kelley had scolded Hope, telling her that it probably wasn’t part of best parenting etiquette to overexpose their daughter to sun at such an early age, just to make freckles appear quicker. Yet, Kelley had looked on with adoration.  

 

“Momma?” Henley interrupted her thoughts.

 

Kelley refocused her attention and gave her daughter the most reasonable explanation there was. “The freckle gene runs strong in the O’Hara family.”

 

Henley frowned, “Why can’t you call me something cool like everyone else does?”

 

“What, you mean like Kid O’Hara?” Kelley thought about the nickname that was the work of the one and only Aunty Pinoe.

 

“Yeah!”

 

“I don’t know…I don’t like the sound of that as much as I like Freckles. Plus, you’ll always be an O’Hara, which means you’re stuck with these little suckers for life.” Kelley pointed at her face, which quickly transformed into a silly expression.  

 

Henley couldn’t help but smile. Nevertheless, she remained overly dramatic and huffed in defeat, knowing she couldn’t win against her own mother. She sat in silence in her mother’s arms, but being the curious little girl she was, she began reading the article currently on the laptop screen beside them.

 

Henley squinted to read the fine print and murmured aloud, “Hope Solo confirmed to make an appearance at…”

 

Kelley’s head shot up as she quickly scrambled to shut her laptop, startling Henley in her lap. She took a big gulp, not entirely sure what to say. Henley beat her to it, “Momma, what were you reading?”

 

“Uh, it’s nothing…just going through some emails from the staff regarding the week.” Kelley quickly changed the subject, “So did you enjoy your time with Rylie and Reece?”

 

Luckily, Henley didn’t ask any further questions and answered enthusiastically, “Yeah! We had a lot of fun! We got sundaes at Ghirardelli Square.”

 

Kelley chuckled at her daughter’s sweet tooth, “Well, I sure hope you didn’t spoil your appetite for dinner…speaking of which, Aunty Carli’s going to join us tonight. Why don’t you run over to her room and let her know we’re ready?”

 

“Okay!” Henley’s eyes shone with excitement hearing that her Godmother would be joining them for the evening. She and Carli shared a special bond, especially since she had always been by Kelley’s side as she raised the young girl alone.

 

Kelley sighed in relief as Henley ran out of the room and into the hallway. She needed a moment to herself. It suddenly dawned on her once again that this whole week could become very messy. Though people acted like they knew, only she and Hope knew exactly how they left things the last time they saw each other. Pinoe had been suspicious all these years, but that was a whole different ball park and something that Kelley couldn’t even begin to think about at the current moment. Other thoughts seemed to reign over her mind.

 

Has Hope changed? If so, for better or for worse? Will the two of them ever catch a break? Should she tell Henley about Hope? Would Hope even want to get to know her daughter? What would they say to each other if they did meet? The questions were infinite.

 

Kelley quickly gathered her things and headed out the door after her energetic daughter. She asked herself one last question before taking a deep breath and putting her thoughts on the back burner for the evening.

 

 _Why did her heart still skip a beat after all these years?_   

 


	2. The Power of Google

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henley figures out how to use the world’s most popular search engine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your incredible feedback...looks like this story is an official go :) Enjoy!

 

Sitting on the sideline bench, Henley looked to the clock on the wall behind her and took note of the time. She sighed and continued to kick her feet in boredom. She had another hour left before her mother was done with practice. Having a professional soccer player as a mother had its ups and downs. Henley loved having an extended family through her mother’s team and enjoyed tagging along as they traveled for various camps and tournaments, but also loathed the long practices and not settling down in one place for more than three months at a time.

 

Henley then looked towards the second soccer field as many of her friends, or “cousins” if you will, began a mini scrimmage. They called for her to join, but she politely declined. She just didn’t feel like kicking around a ball. Honestly, she never really had that inclination to do so. You would think growing up constantly surrounded by soccer would result in some sort of passion for the sport, but unlike her many cousins, Henley seemed to challenge this assumption. It wasn’t that she didn’t like soccer, she just often felt overwhelmed by it and deemed herself “too competitive.” Inheriting her mother’s competitive nature caused a lot of frustration for Henley on the field and though she was a fast runner who was naturally gifted at reading the game, she hung up her cleats after no more than two years of playing in a little league. Kelley had always encouraged her to keep up playing as soccer ran through her blood, but Kelley also understood the pressure Henley might be under for being born into such a lifestyle. She decided to support her daughter no matter what, especially with her most recent passion being science in school. Much to Henley’s delight, Kelley of course didn’t object as she herself would’ve pursued a career in science if she had never caught a break in soccer.

 

Henley’s eyes trailed towards a certain ball that had just landed at Kelley’s feet. Though she would get bored often, Henley loved watching her mother play and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. It was one of her favorite pastimes in the world- the endless whistle blowing, the sound that echoed every time a cleat met a ball, and the way her mother would scramble all over the field looking to place her trust in a teammate and then without hesitation, gracefully give the ball away in one swift motion. Watching this routine over and over again was truly enthralling and sent Henley happily lost into her thoughts. Despite everything, Henley was your average seven year old girl.

 

A seven year old who wanted a complete family more than anything in the world.

 

Kelley had always assured her daughter that the team was considered family and nothing less, but Henley still hoped for something a little bit beyond that. Even her mother’s teammates had individual families of their own. She had always been slightly envious of Rylie, Reece, and their tight knit parents, or even her aunts, Ashlyn and Ali, who were happily married with two kids. When she wasn’t surrounded by her so called family, Henley still faced this dilemma at school. Many of her classmates belonged to these complete families, two parents and a couple siblings here and there. Henley didn’t care so much about the whole sibling part as she loved getting Kelley’s undivided attention, but she did wish there was another parental figure in her life. Henley adored Kelley and knew she was being raised in the best of hands, but her innocent wish had come to reign superior in her head nowadays. Lately, Henley hasn’t gone one day without having these thoughts, but still thought it was best to keep this all to herself- especially since she would never forget her mother’s reaction the last, and only, time she had brought this up.

 

// September 2023

_“Hey Freckles, catch!” Kelley stood at the open door of the fridge as she tossed a carton to Henley waiting at the kitchen table._

_“Thanks, Momma.” Henley said, immediately beginning to undo the drink’s packaging._

_Kelley joined her daughter at the table. Every day after school, it was tradition for the two to sip chocolate milk and simply talk about the day’s events. Kelley spent most of the time staring at the replica of herself, wondering how lucky she was to have such an awesome kid._

_“So kiddo, how’s school going?”_

_Henley shrugged, “Same old. In science class today, we built our own solar system models. That was super cool.”_

_“Of course you enjoyed science. What’s new?” Kelley joked knowingly._

_Henley’s eyes lit up as she realized, “Oh! We have a fun project coming up in humanities!”_

_“Yeah?” Kelley was intrigued by her daughter’s excitement._

_Henley nodded enthusiastically, “Yup. We’re supposed to make a family tree.”_

_“Oh,” Kelley froze, taken aback by the sudden news. She was afraid of where the conversation would lead to. She continued anyways, “That should be interesting.”_

_“Yeah…” Henley sipped the last bit of her chocolate milk, threw the carton away, and then made her way back to the table with a more serious expression on her face. Kelley knew too well what to expect next. Henley took a deep breath, “Momma, why don’t I have another mommy or daddy?”_

_Kelley began picking at the straw packaging before her, a habit she had formed when she was put on the spot. She stood her ground though and replied with a question, “Well what makes you think you need two parents?”_

_Henley shrugged and observed, “Well all my classmates have two parents.”_

_“So? That doesn’t mean you have to be like them.”_

_“I know…but why? My friend Hailey said her parents are…are…they aren’t together. They’re…it starts with the letter d…”_

_“Divorced?” Kelley’s voice cracked. She cringed; she was the only one who knew the weight behind such a word._

_“Yeah! That. Hailey’s parents are divorced, but she has a step mommy and a step daddy, so she has two families. You’re not divorced, right, Momma? Or else I would have two families too, right?” Henley exploded with assumptions._

_Kelley shook her head calmly, muttering without confidence, “No…I’m not divorced.” It wasn’t entirely a lie._

_“But…but I got to have another mommy or daddy somewhere, right?”_

_Kelley stood up to throw away her own carton of milk, desperately needing a distraction. She finally sat back down at the table and stared into her daughter’s curious eyes. She sighed, knowing that Henley wouldn’t let the topic go until she was happy with some sort of answer._

_“Do you really want to know?”_

_Henley silently nodded._

_“Fine.” Kelley gave in, trying to string together her thoughts in the most elusive way she could. “You have another mommy.”_

_Henley’s eyes widened as she whispered in shock, “Really?”_

_“Yeah…”_

_“What is she like?” Henley asked innocently._

_“Uhm…” Kelley scratched the back of her neck, wanting desperately to be anywhere but where she was in the moment. “Well…uh, she’s…pretty tall. She has blue eyes. She plays soccer too.” That was the best she could come up with._

_“Oh…is she on the same team as you, Aunty Carli and Aunty Alex and Aunty Tobin and Aunty Ash and…”_

_Kelley half-smiled and interrupted, “Yeah, she is…well, she was. Uhm, we played soccer together for awhile.”_

_“Oh…what happened to her? Where did she go? Where is she now?”_

_“She’s not…she’s just not around anymore.”_

_“But why?” Henley pressed for a larger explanation._

_Kelley ran her hands through her hair in distress. She said her daughter’s name in a warning tone, “Henley…”_

_“Why did she leave?”_

_Kelley was getting more and more uncomfortable. She knew she would have to face this question one day, but she also knew she would never be prepared for it. “I…I don’t really…she just…”_

_“Momma, what happened? Do you still love her?” Henley blurted out, genuinely curious about her family’s history._

_Kelley suddenly felt under attack and sternly raised her voice, “Henley, that’s enough!” Henley shrunk into her seat, scared by her mother’s reaction. Kelley’s expression softened as she saw fear etched into the young girl’s face. She apologized, “I…I’m sorry, kiddo…I just…sometimes this is hard for me to talk about. Don’t you think that’s enough questions for the day?”_

_Henley mumbled, “Okay…” She still wasn’t pleased with Kelley’s answers, or lack thereof._

_Later that night, Henley had finished all her homework when she began to search for her mother around the house. She noticed the living room light on downstairs and started to make her way down the stairs when she stopped midway. Kelley seemed to be on the phone and sounded distressed._

_“Carli, I didn’t know what to do…it came out of the blue and I wasn’t ready.” Henley heard her mother speak into the phone. Not wanting to bug her, the young girl took a seat on the stairs._

_“Well, I know that! It was just…it was so hard for me to even think about her, let alone describe how...or…what…ugh, I don’t know what to do!”_

_The panic in Kelley’s voice only seemed to increase. She began to pace, her footsteps echoing to where Henley sat listening._

_“You know she’s only going to get more curious as she gets older. I mean, what am I supposed to tell her the next time she brings this up? How do you even explain these type of things to a child? I just…wish things were different.”_

_Henley heard her mother’s voice crack and knew tears would soon follow suit._

_“We…we really screwed up, didn’t we?” Kelley’s voice shook, “I…I know, Carli, but still…we weren’t enough for her. I wasn’t enough.”_

_Henley hated hearing her mother cry. She was usually a really positive and upbeat person, but there had been a couple times where Kelley broke down, most of the time over the phone with Carli or one of her other aunts. That night was no different; she wasn’t quite herself. Kelley sounded broken and Henley couldn’t help but feel guilty this time around._

_//_

Henley never brought that up again.

 

She still wanted to know everything she could, but was also too afraid of a similar reaction from Kelley if she asked her now. Henley’s thoughts were interrupted by Kelley calling and motioning her to follow them off the field. As Kelley gathered up her belongings, Henley waited patiently outside the locker room.

 

“So, Kell, any news on you know who?” Henley heard the voice of her Aunty Moe.

 

“You mean Hope?” Kelley challenged and then reprimanded, “Guys, we’re not middle schoolers gossiping. You can say her name. Really, I’m fine.”

 

Morgan exchanged a look of doubt with a couple of her other teammates, “Uh, right…”

 

“And no, I don’t know anything else.”

 

“I wonder when she’ll arrive. She can’t just play in the reunion scrimmage without practicing with all of us first.” Kling observed.

 

Ali added, “She really should be here any day now.”

 

Ashlyn spoke up, “Kell, like we talked about earlier, we’re here if…”

 

Kelley abruptly cut off her teammates, “You guys, I’m fine! Seriously!”

 

“We just want you to know that we have your back…Hope would be crazy to try anything stupid this week.” Ashlyn assured her friend.

 

Kelley didn’t respond and left in a hurry. Henley followed her mother back to the hotel and on the way, she began to ponder.

 

_Hope._

 

As in _the_ Hope Solo? Henley thought to herself. That name sounded familiar. Wasn’t Hope Solo one of the best goalkeepers in women’s soccer? Henley had heard her name mentioned a couple times before, but she wasn’t a common topic of conversation. So why was there suddenly a lot of discussion around her, especially in the last day or two? When the mother and daughter duo finally arrived back to their hotel room, Kelley decided to jump into the shower. Henley took this as an opportunity to start snooping around and figuring out things on her own.

 

Henley opened her mother’s laptop and accessed Google. She slowly typed “Hope Solo” into the search box, knowing this was a tool that a lot of adults used whenever they needed to find out more information on something. Numerous results were found. Henley clicked on the first link, a Wikipedia page. She read to herself.

 

_“Hope Amelia Solo is a retired American soccer goalkeeper, a three time Olympic and one time World Cup gold medalist. She played for the United States Women’s National Team from 2000-2017…”_

Henley reread, _the United States Women’s National Team._ That was her mother’s team. She quickly made note of that an exited out of the site, not wanting to read the huge blocks of text in front of her. Out of curiosity, she then typed into the search box, “Hope Solo and Kelley O’Hara.” To Henley’s surprise, a good amount of results popped up.

 

_“Hope Solo and Kelley O’Hara are officially endgame”_

_“Solo runs away from another happy ending yet again”_

_“Solo leaves O’Hara distraught; ironically, O’Hara leans on dear friend Carli Lloyd”_

_“Rumor has it that Hope Solo is leaving the soccer world for good”_

_“Will Kelley O’Hara leave Seattle Reign for good?”_

 

Confused by the myriad of article titles, Henley decided to click on the first link once again.

 

_“In most recent interview, Kelley O’Hara opens up about most recent split from Hope Solo. Though very happy with recently retired USWNT goalkeeper at one point in her life, the professional soccer player has put the sudden separation aside and is already looking forward to the upcoming world cup in France. O’Hara believes she has yet to reach the peak of her career and will strive to do so with her daughter right by her side…”_

Henley continued to scroll down, but stopped before she could read any more of the article as her eyes rested on an older picture of her mother and another woman, presumably this Hope Solo everyone had been talking about. Henley, for some reason, was enamored by the image and absentmindedly began to describe the mystery woman at hand.

 

Henley noticed the U.S soccer crest on her uniform. A brunette, the woman laughed as she towered over her mother. She was pretty tall and had blue eyes. _Tall and blue eyes._ Henley’s heart began to beat faster as she slowly put the pieces together. She had been so caught in her thoughts that she had failed to realize Kelley had stepped out of the shower and was now drying her hair on the opposite side of the bedroom.

 

Henley turned to face her mother, anxiety and excitement bubbling all at once inside of her. “Mo…momma?”

 

“Yeah, Freckles?”

 

“If I ask you something, promise you won’t be upset?”

 

Kelley finished drying her hair and brushed it to the side. Her brows furrowed in confusion, “Upset? Why would I be upset?”

 

“Just promise.” Henley felt her hands start to shake as her mother approached her, her eyes squinting towards the laptop screen behind her.

 

Kelley’s expression dropped as she quickly made out the picture of her and Hope. Trying her best to hide the disapproval in her voice, she muttered, “Oh, Henley…”

 

Henley closed her eyes in apprehension, but let the question roll off her tongue.

 

“Is Hope Solo my other mom?”

 


	3. Ups and Downs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley finally opens up to Henley.

 

Henley reluctantly opened one eye, peeking to study her mother’s expression. Kelley was stunned, but there was something about her expression that made Henley believe that maybe this time she wouldn’t end up in tears. Her mother seemed to gain strength every day, but still, Henley knew her well and could see the flash of uncertainty and fear in her own hazel eyes.

 

Henley now stared straight at Kelley, pressing gently, “M…momma?”

 

Kelley couldn’t ignore the plea behind her daughter’s sweet voice; it wasn’t often that she could. With all the courage she could muster up, Kelley let out a small, but resounding, “Yes.”

 

“Yes?” Henley sounded surprise, not expecting Kelley to reply so soon.

 

“Yes,” Kelley repeated and nodded, “Hope Solo is also your mom.”

 

Now, Henley was stunned. She was speechless, really. Noticing the shock settle upon her daughter as she came to grasp the news at hand, Kelley sat down on the hotel bed and patted the comforter, inviting her daughter to join her.

 

“Come here, kiddo.”

 

Henley joined Kelley on the bed and snuggled up close. Almost as if she was making sure none of this was a dream, she whispered softly to herself, “I have another mom.”

 

Kelley rubbed comforting circles into Henley’s back, sensing how overwhelmed her daughter seemed to be. She replied, “You do…Henley, this is going to be a lot for you to take in, but I think it’s time that I share some things with you. Things may seem unclear and there will also be things that I don’t want to explain in full detail, but I’m going to do my best to help you understand, okay?”

 

Henley half smiled as she looked up at her mother. She was quite surprised at how well Kelley seemed to be handling her question, and it made her wonder if she could have brought this up sooner. Little did she know Kelley was far from okay. 

 

Kelley wasn’t sure where to begin and opened it up to her daughter, “Is there anything particular you have on your mind?”

 

Henley thought hard and then mumbled softly, “Where is she now?”

 

“Uhm, from what I know, she’s been coaching soccer somewhere in Europe.” Kelley was still unclear on that whole thing herself.

 

“Do you talk to her still?”

 

Kelley hung her head low and muttered somewhat bitterly, “No.”

 

“When was the last time you talked to her?”

 

“Awhile ago…when you were a baby.” Kelley replied, trying to prevent unwanted memories flying into her head.

 

“Oh…” Henley’s voice softened with sadness, “Did Mommy leave because of me?”

 

Kelley’s heart rendered heavy as she heard Henley refer to Hope in such a way. She never thought she’d hear those words come out of her daughter’s mouth. However, the question itself made Kelley cringe and she quickly jumped on it.

 

“Oh god no...Henley, don’t you ever think any of this was your fault. It has nothing to do with you.” Kelley sighed, “I know she loves you very much.”

 

“Really?” Henley perked up, but then asked, “Then why isn’t she here now?”

 

“That’s something between your mother and I…” Kelley felt herself get worse at explaining everything, and that was quickly confirmed by Henley’s confused expression. She suddenly got an idea and began to explain, “So, your mommy and I went through a lot together…we had a lot of, what many like to call it, ups and downs.”

 

“Ups and downs?” Henley sounded intrigued.

 

“Yeah. Your mother and I had a lot of great times together- those are the ‘ups’. We hit it off really well during the London Olympics, we spent summers adventuring in Seattle, we could make each other laugh during the most serious times, and we decided to have you…” Kelley smiled as she poked her daughter’s side in a playful manner. Henley smiled and squirmed, wrapping her arms around her mother’s waist.

 

Kelley’s expression darkened though as she went on, “But along with those good times, we had some rough patches- those are the ‘downs’. Your mom and I struggled with our feelings for one another for quite some time. We weren’t sure how to define our relationship and when we finally did, your mother couldn’t face commitment and sort of left me in the dark for a while. But we found our way back to each other and we were really happy. It wasn’t until after the Rio Olympics when things started to change.”

 

“And so she left?”

 

Kelley avoided her daughter’s question and replied, “We just couldn’t make things work the way we wanted to…and it came to the point where there were simply more downs and ups.”

 

Though she was putting her explanation in the simplest way possible, the details of their falling apart was forever etched into Kelley’s memory.

 

_// March 2017_

_Hope walked through the entryway and took off her running shoes, placing them aside. Doing her best to not get anything wet, she trudged through the living room and headed for upstairs when a voice stopped her._

_“Hey!” Kelley’s face peered out of the kitchen, expecting a greeting. “How was your run?”_

_Hope paused and then detoured towards her wife, giving her wife a quick kiss. She answered “It was good.”_

_“You’re soaked.” Kelley observed as she pressed herself against the keeper in an embrace._

_“I sure love the Seattle rain…” Hope replied half-sarcastically. She then noticed the neatly set table, wine bottle and all, behind Kelley. She raised an eyebrow, “What’s this?”_

_Wrapping her arms tighter around Hope’s waist, Kelley broke out into a full grin and Hope swore she was literally glowing. She shrugged, “Well, I knew you got caught in the storm out there so I thought it might be nice to have dinner waiting when you returned. I ordered some pizza from your favorite Italian restaurant and I thought that we’d just talk and have a low key night in together.”_

_Hope gently pulled away, “Oh…I was just about to go shower.”_

_“Dinner can wait.” Kelley offered._

_Hope sighed, hating that she was about to crush her wife’s excitement, “You know, Kell, I’m not really hungry…I was just going to clean up and head to bed. Maybe read a book or something. I’m sorry.”_

_Kelley sensed that something was bothering the older woman. Well, she had been sensing that for the last few months, ever since the year had begun. It was like some switch inside of Hope had turned off. She was different- more reserved with her feelings, more guarded. Kelley knew there was a period of downtime after such big tournaments such as the world cup or Olympics where players were completely worn out; she felt it too. There was no doubt that Hope was overwhelmed, but Kelley had made it known that she was there for the keeper. They would get through this together._

_Kelley knew her question was pointless, but she asked anyways, “Hey, are you okay?”_

_Hope unconvincingly reassured the smaller brunette, “I’m fine.” She pressed a kiss onto Kelley’s forehead before heading back up the stairs._

_As soon as that statement left Hope’s mouth, Kelley knew where the next few months in their relationship might be heading. They seemed to always get into a rut in which things were really good for awhile, but coming down from those highs often resulted in Hope fighting one of her many demons. When they had gotten married, Kelley thought they had put all that behind them, but seeing the look on Hope’s face made Kelley realize that maybe they weren’t quite out of the woods yet._

_Kelley took a couple bites of pizza before deciding that she, too, had a loss of appetite. She cleaned up and then headed for their bedroom where Hope was silently reading to herself. She crawled under the sheets and rested her head against Hope’s shoulder, pretending to read along with her. After realizing that the page hadn’t turned for over a few minutes, Kelley knew Hope wasn’t actually reading. She took this as the perfect opportunity to address their impending problem._

_“Everyone goes through this, you know. You don’t have to do things alone anymore.”_

_Hope closed her book and set it on the night table aside. She mumbled, “I know.”_

_“I’m here…you can talk to me. What is it?” Kelley pleaded for answers._

_“I mean…you know.”_

_“What? Is it the exhaustion? Is it coming down from the high? Is it the lack of tournament this year? What is it?”_

_Hope began to play with Kelley’s hair and admitted, “It’s a little bit of everything, I guess…don’t you think that maybe this all happened a little too fast?”_

_“This part of the cycle always feels this way…the world cup and Olympics take a lot out of us. Of course it seems like it happens in the blink of an eye.” Kelley reasoned. Hope remained silent, hoping Kelley would catch on soon. It finally dawned upon the younger brunette as she whispered, “Oh…you mean us, don’t you?”_

_“We rushed into all this and…”_

_“No, stop it. We made the right choice. I know that. You know that.” Kelley said, almost as if she were scolding Hope._

_“I do know that…Kell, I’m not doubting what we have together.” Hope rested her head upon Kelley’s, turning her in closer to her body._

_“Then why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why do you keep questioning every single decision you make?”_

_“I still don’t trust myself.”_

_“But you trust in me, and I in you…so therefore, you have to trust yourself.” Kelley brought their hands together._

_“You’re perfect, you know that?” Hope smiled, but then quickly sat up straighter and buried her head in her hands. She murmured to herself, “Damn it, Hope.” Kelley sat up with Hope and recognized the expression on her face. She knew it all too well. Hope was ready to repeat history all over again._

_Hope looked back at Kelley, tears forming in her eyes. She blinked them away as she relented, “Kelley, you know I care about you and there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re the right one for me. You mean everything to me. You really do…”_

_Kelley grimaced, preparing herself for the imminent “but” attached to that sentence. She begged, “Don’t say it, Hope.”_

_Hope inhaled sharply, “But looking back in retrospect, I’m beginning to think that maybe these circumstances aren’t exactly right for us. I promise we’ll be together one day, just not now.”_

_Kelley couldn’t even begin to wrap her mind around what Hope was saying, but she was sure of one thing. Her voice cracked, “You want to leave me, don’t you?”_

_“I wouldn’t put it that way,” Hope defended herself and continued, “I just need some time to figure some things out. It’s not you-”_

_“It’s me.” Kelley finished her sentence and scoffed, “I know. I’ve heard that from you one too many times.”_

_“I hate doing this to you and I don’t know why I even deserve you, but I do know we belong together and one day, we’ll get our happy ending. But right now is just the wrong time.”_

_Kelley wasn’t even facing Hope anymore. Looking down into her lap, she muttered bitterly, “Shit.”_

_“I know, I know…I’m a coward. But I really think that if you just give me some space and…”_

_Kelley wasn’t even listening anymore as she rambled to herself, “I can’t believe this is happening…I just can’t. I wanted to tell you earlier, but now we’re here and…”_

_“…it’s just the wrong time…”_

_“Oh my god. This is most definitely the wrong time.” Kelley felt herself beginning to hyperventilate, grabbing Hope’s hand for support._

_“Exactly!” Relief washed over Hope’s face as she squeezed Kelley’s hand in return, “See? You understand…it’s just the wrong time, wrong place, wrong year…”_

_“Hope, I’m pregnant.”_

_//_

Henley was doing her best to come to terms with everything Kelley was sharing at the moment, but one thought was the most resounding of them all. She needed to figure out if she ever wanted to include Hope in her life- well, she needed to ask Kelley’s opinion first. Just as she opened her mouth to ask her mother, there was a loud pounding on the door.

 

Kelley frowned and called out, “It’s open.”

 

Pinoe barged into the room like a firework that had just been set off. “Where’s Kid O’Hara??? Oh, there you are, kiddo! Hey, do you want to go get ice cream? Well actually, don’t answer that- you’re coming to get ice cream with me. Come on, let’s go!”

 

Thankful for the distraction, Henley laughed at her silliest aunt and broke into a wide smile, “Okay! Momma, I can go, right?”

 

Kelley slowly nodded, but held eye contact with Pinoe. Her short haired blonde didn’t just come here on a whim. She was nervously rambling and panic started to set in her eyes. Kelley knew that could only mean one thing.

 

Hope had arrived.


	4. Cookie Dough Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pinoe recalls a late night phone call while getting her ice cream fix with Henley.

 

 _//_ March 2017

 

_“You do know it’s two in the morning, right?” Pinoe yawned into the phone and grumpily relented, “This better be good, Solo.”_

_“Kelley’s pregnant.”_

_Pinoe’s eyes flew wide open as she quickly left her own bedroom not to disturb her wife. Now in the hallway, she spoke worriedly into the phone, “Hope? Where are you? Talk to me. Where are you right now?” Pinoe nervously held the phone to her ear, only to hear her friend’s shaky breaths on the other end. She whispered harshly again, “HOPE.”_

_“I...I’m home.” Hope’s voice cracked helplessly. “Downstairs in the kitchen.”_

_Pinoe let out a huge sigh of relief. She had been afraid that Hope might’ve taken off. At least this time, Hope refrained from acting impulsively. The blond woman leaned her head against the wall behind her and closed her eyes, murmuring, “Oh, thank god.”_

_“Wh…what do I do?” Hope sounded like a little girl desperately searching for answers._

_Pinoe countered with another question, needing to hear details first, “When did you find out?”_

_“Just tonight.”_

_“And? What did you say?”_

_“Well…I was speechless, of course. I…I’m happy, I think. That’s what I told her at least. I’ve always wanted a kid with Kelley, you know that. We were both tired though tonight, so we decided it might be best to talk more in the morning.”_

_Pinoe pressed further, “And…?”_

_“And….” Hope took a deep breath and admitted, “This was all just horrible timing. Just before Kelley told me, well more like she was forced into telling me, I was trying to start the conversation about me…you know.”_

_“You’re absolutely shitting me, right?” Pinoe couldn’t believe what she was hearing._

_“Wh…what do I do?” Hope repeated, a sense of urgency in her voice._

_Pinoe hissed in return, “What do you mean ‘what do I do?’ Hope, you seriously still can’t be thinking about that! That’s so low. You can’t leave Kelley now that she’s pregnant!”_

_“I’m not!” Hope assured her friend._

_“Oh, thank god.” Pinoe repeated for the second time that night. The two remained silent for a few minutes before Pinoe scolded, “Hey, stop thinking so loud. You’re starting to give me a headache.”_

_Hope’s thoughts began rolling off her tongue, “This still doesn’t change how I’ve been feeling lately. I wish it did, but here I am again on the phone with you.”_

_“Hold up. Let’s revisit that small detail...so why am I the one so deserving of this 2 AM phone call? Isn’t this Carli’s job? Or did she quit? To be honest, I don’t know how she puts up with you, Solo.” Pinoe inquired._

_“Never mind about Carli.”_

_“What’s going on? I thought she was your dear friend Carli Lloyd.” Pinoe teased._

_Hope pleaded, “I can’t tell you the reason…please, I just need someone to talk to right now.”_

_Pinoe wasn’t one to give up easily, so she continued, “Are you two fighting or something? Is that why I’ve become your therapist these past few months?”_

_“No, we’re not fighting…look, Carli just can’t find about this- about everything I’ve talked to you about lately. I don’t want anyone knowing that I had even the smallest desire to leave besides you, okay? Carli can’t hear about this. She just can’t.”_

_Pinoe sighed into the phone, knowing she wouldn’t get any more out of her former teammate. She grumbled, “Fine.”_

_“Thank you, Megan.”_

_“So…you were saying?” Pinoe encouraged Hope to pick up from where she left earlier._

_“I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last.”_

_“Hope, maybe this is all happening for a good reason…maybe having a kid will take your mind off of things for a while.”_

_“No,” Hope quickly cut off her friend. “I know myself…I’m already second guessing the situation I am in now and in order to fix this, to have any future with Kelley at all, I need space and time to think alone. I have to figure this out on my own just once more.”_

_“Once more? How do you know that this won’t happen later on down the road? How do you know you won’t freak out like this again?” Pinoe cautioned her friend, “You can’t keep doing this to Kelley.”_

_“I just need a break one last time.” Hope admitted sadly._

_“Well then what are you trying to say, Hope? That you’re going to leave after the baby is born?” Pinoe guessed._

_“No.”_

_“Alright, Hope, you do realize that everyone…wait, what? What did you say?” Pinoe didn’t know if she heard correctly._

_Hope confidently reiterated, “No…I’m not going to leave Kelley.”_

_“I’m completely lost here. You’re sending me mixed messages, Solo.”_

_“Fuck.” Hope cursed under her breath. “I’m a mess.”_

_“Help a girl out…” Pinoe tried to understand, “So you’re not going to leave now? Or later? Or whenever? Hope, you’ve been killing yourself for the last few months over whether or not you want to leave. As much as I hate to say it, the fact that you’ve ben wracking your brain about this all for so long shows you that maybe you do need some space alone. You’re exhausted, Hope. I wish you would let Kelley in to help you, but if this is how you feel, then so be it…so what’s going on now? You need to make up your mind.”_

_“This baby already has me wrapped around his or her little finger…” Hope chuckled bitterly too herself._

_Though there was a strong hint of sarcasm in Hope’s voice, Pinoe couldn’t help but smile at the softening of the all too serious goalkeeper. She finally realized, “You’re going to stay for the kid, aren’t you?”_

_“I do love Kelley too, Pinoe, I really do.” Hope thought fondly of the brunette sleeping soundly in their bedroom just above her._

_Pinoe winced at how unconvincing Hope sounded on the other end. She sighed, “Well, for everyone’s sake, I hope you’re truly happy with your decision. If you’re not true to your feelings now, you could end up in so much trouble in the future.”_

_Hope felt the need to defend herself again, “I’m not going to leave, I swear…I promise.”_

_“Alright, Solo. I’m going to hold you to that promise…just get some rest for now, okay?”_

_After saying goodnight and hanging up the phone, Pinoe paused before heading back to bed herself. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for her troubled friend who could just never seem to win her battles fast enough. Though Hope was indeed a mess, Pinoe believed in her and for some reason, knew that she wouldn’t break her promise._

_//_

“Aunty Pinoe??? Helloooooo?”

 

Pinoe blinked a few times before realizing that Henley was waving in her face. She smiled like she hadn’t been caught thinking about the past and apologized, “Sorry, kiddo. What flavor of ice cream do you want?”

 

Henley slightly frowned as her aunt ignored her previous question, but replied anyway, “Cookie dough, please.”

 

“You are most definitely your mother’s child.” Pinoe smirked at the young girl’s confused expression, “Your mother can eat an entire box of cookie dough in one sitting, you know.”

 

Henley just giggled at her in return as Pinoe fished out her wallet and paid for their afternoon treat. The pair strolled to the nearest park with their ice cream cones in hand.

 

Licking her ice cream, Henley pointed out, “Aunty Pinoe, you still haven’t answered my question.”

 

“Oh…what was your question again?” Pinoe couldn’t remember.

 

“Did you know Hope Solo is my mommy too?”

 

Pinoe froze, suddenly realizing why she had ignored the question earlier. She sighed and took a seat on a bench nearby, Henley following suit. “So your momma finally told you, huh?”

 

Henley nodded, but persisted, “But did you know?”

 

“Yes, yes, I knew…” Pinoe finally admitted aloud. She nervously looked ahead, afraid of what other questions Henley might have for her.

 

“Does everyone know besides me?”

 

“Pretty much.”

 

Henley thought carefully, “Is this why everyone’s been talking about her so much these last few days?”

 

“It’s one of the main reasons, yeah.”

 

“But why else would everyone be so worried? My mommy’s coming back. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that a good thing?” Henley innocently questioned as she happily licked her ice cream.

 

Pinoe let out a small laugh at the seven year old’s optimism and murmured, “Well, not everyone likes to think the way you do, Kid O’Hara.”

 

“They don’t?”

 

“You see, not many people are exactly happy with your mother’s return.”

 

Henley took her attention away from her cone in hand and looked up at Pinoe with wide eyes. “Why not?”

 

Pinoe struggled to find her words, “Well, it’s just been a long time since a lot of us have seen her…since she just left, or disappeared, if you will…”

 

“But why would people be upset? She’s coming back for me and my momma. That’s all that matters, right?”

 

Pinoe made eye contact with the young girl and in a serious tone, she asked, “Henley, how much has your momma told you? Wait…uh, never mind…that doesn’t matter.” Pinoe struggled with her words, but was surprisingly relieved that the young girl was managing to see the bright side of this whole predicament.

 

“What’s my mommy like? Is she pretty? Do you think she still has dark brown hair? I googled her, you know. Oh! Do you think she’ll like me? Is she nice? I bet she is, right? Or else my momma wouldn’t have liked her so much before. Do you think-”

 

Pinoe laughed at the string of questions flowing out of Henley’s mouth. “Slow down, kiddo…I think you’ve asked enough questions for the day. Just zip it and finish your cookie dough ice cream.” Pinoe joked.

 

Henley frowned, but then pleaded, “Just one more question…pretty please?”

 

Pinoe caved as soon as she looked into Henley’s wide eyes. She huffed, “Fine, just one more.”

 

“Well…what about you, Aunty Pinoe? Are you glad that my mommy’s back?” Henley asked, her hopes high that her favorite aunt would agree with her.

 

Pinoe paused to think about the question. Even after all these years, something seemed strange about the truth surrounding her two teammate’s sudden split. Hope had confided in her and she found it incredibly hard to believe that the goalkeeper had broken her promise to never leave Kelley again. Though a lot of the facts supported the fact that Hope was the one to break things off, she was very suspicious, unlike many of her teammates, and Kelley was very much aware of it. Yet, it was something the two never talked about, so Pinoe decided to remain neutral towards the situation all this time. In other words, she was one of the few, if not the only one, who still believed in Hope.

 

Pinoe smiled at the little freckled faced girl beside her and truthfully replied, “Well, Kid O’Hara, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to see my old teammate again.”

 


	5. And So It Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope finally returns and Carli drags her to the ends of the world.

 

Hope took a deep breath as she looked down at the large white envelope in her hands. In the uppermost corner was the same crest that she had so proudly worn for so many years. She hadn’t held an info packet like this in so long, but it felt like home. Just having finished a quick debriefing meeting with Jill and a few other staff members, she stepped out of the hotel conference room and fumbled through her belongings for her room card key.

 

“You have a lot of nerve suddenly showing up like this.”

 

Hope froze; she knew that voice all too well. She had hoped she would’ve made it to her room, her refuge for the week, before running to a teammate. But of course knowing her luck, it just had to be the one who might put up the biggest fight. Realizing that she might as well get this over done with, Hope fearfully swallowed and slowly turned around to greet someone she owed a huge explanation to. “Carli…uhm, hey. How are you?”

 

“Don’t do that.” Carli crossed her arms and continued, “There’s no need do this whole greeting thing. I don’t care how you’ve been and honestly, I don’t think you care how I’ve been either. So let’s just get straight to business.”

 

Hope winced at her old friend’s coldness. Carli had always been patient and forgiving, so it was startling to see her take on such a harsh and blunt persona. Hope knew she only had herself to blame for this, but at the same time, there was a lot that Carli didn’t know either- yet again, Hope didn’t want her best friend to know the truth. It was complicated.

 

With her head still hung low, Hope looked to her side to see a guests come in and out of the lobby. “Can we not do this here?”

 

“Look at me, Hope.”

 

Hope grimaced before staring straight back at the brunette in front of her. She sighed, “I’m sorry, Carli…I know I have a lot of explaining to do.”

 

“Oh don’t give me that crap.” Carli was beginning to fume. “First, I’m not the first one you should be apologizing to. Second, I don’t think a simple ‘sorry’ is going to suffice after all these years.”

 

“Maybe we could go out and just talk about-”

 

Carli interrupted, “No, that’s not how this is going to work. I don’t want to give you the time of day. Hell, I don’t even want to look at you right now.”

 

Hope knew that Carli was pissed and decided to try explaining herself right on the spot. It couldn’t hurt for her to try. She apologized again, “I’m sorry for leaving you out of the loop, but I had a good reason to do that. Please, you have to trust me on that one. Carli, I know you’re angry…you have every right to be, but there’s also a lot you don’t know and-”

 

Carli threw her hands up in the air out of frustration. She raised her voice and cursed, “Oh that’s _fucking_ gold, Hope. How can you even say that to me?! Just when I thought that everything might actually be okay, the love of _your_ life fucking flies cross country and shows up on my doorstep sobbing with your six month old baby in her arms! She was crying so damn hard that she couldn’t even breathe and I knew right there and then that you broke her. You broke Kelley.”

 

Hope was taken aback by Carli’s outburst. She felt her heart sink and the words stung her over and over again, _You broke Kelley._

 

Noticing that she had silenced the taller woman, Carli shook her head and scoffed, “See? I know a lot that you don’t know, so don’t you dare tell me again that there’s more to the truth than this. I know perfectly well what you’re capable of.”

 

“You don’t know me anymore. You have no right to-” Hope replied, rage growing in her.

 

“Bullshit, Hope, I…”

 

Hope cut her friend off, “Will you stop interrupting me?! You’re being incredibly immature right now. Out of all people, I thought you would have the decency to at least let me explain myself first. Yes, I’m not perfect- we established that long ago, but I deserve a conversation that is productive instead of you standing here and blasting me all day.”

 

Carli shook her head and narrowed her eyes. She spoke softly, “You don’t get it, do you? You don’t see what you’ve put us through, what you’ve put Kelley through. You think that you make the right decision by figuring out things on your own, but what you really do is capture Kelley as prisoner in every single one of your battles. It’s a vicious cycle."

 

Hope wanted to yell at her friend for accusing her of such. She would never intentionally hurt Kelley- it just always looked like she did. Though she was on the verge of blowing up, Hope knew that would only make matters worse. She didn’t come back to fight; she didn’t come back to do anything, really. The point was, _she came back._   

 

Hope stated softly, “This is between me and Kelley.”

 

“No.” Carli replied fiercely, “Not anymore. It hasn’t been just you and Kelley for a long time now. You may choose not to believe it, but I, along with almost every person on our team, have been roped into the mess that you guys call your relationship. We’ve been rooting for the two of you since day one and we’ve been by your side every single time _you_ fucked up.”

 

“Carli, please, it’s not what it looks like…”

 

“What happened after Rio was the last straw for me, Hope.” Carli’s voice trembled as she fought back tears, “I…I trusted you, Hope. God, I wanted so bad to believe that there was still good in my best friend. But once I opened my door to Kelley that night, I knew something was different. I was willing to be caught in your mess all over again, but I vowed that this time around, I’d only stand by Kelley.”

 

Hope’s head was pounding and she started to feel nauseated. Maybe she shouldn’t have come back. She never realized that the wounds she had caused were still so deep. She also didn’t expect to be hounded by Carli the moment she arrived. She searched for forgiveness in Carli’s eyes, but only found pure hatred and pain.

 

“I…I’m so sorry.”

 

“No matter how many times you apologize, you’re not going to change my mind.” Carli responded harshly before continuing, “So I’m just going to put it out there if I haven’t been clear enough- I don’t want you here, Hope. I hate that you’ve suddenly turned up out of the blue. Honestly, I’m probably going to keep acting like you don’t exist. There’s not much more I can do about this, but if you hurt Kelley one more time, I swear to god that I will fucking-”

 

“That’s enough, Carli.”

 

Both Hope and Carli immediately turned their heads to acknowledge the third person’s presence. Hope never expected things to unfold like this, but here she was- well here _they_ were. Again.

 

At the moment, Hope was rendered speechless once again, and the only thing that she was capable of getting out was her name.

 

“Kell…” Hope breathed softly, taking in the sight of the woman who gave her life.

 

Carli narrowed her eyes again and opened her mouth, but Kelley quickly stopped her by placing her hand on the irritated midfielder’s shoulder in reassurance.

 

“Carli, can we have a moment alone? Please?”

 

Carli let out an exaggerated huff. Both Hope and Kelley watched as their friend reluctantly trudged away. Once out of sight, the two resumed eye contact with another. Neither of them could find words to say, but they shared a similar thought, one that was evident in both of their eyes.

 

 _And so it begins._  

 


	6. Coffee Connoisseurs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley talk over coffee.

 

“Sorry about Carli…” Kelley half-smiled in sympathy. “I was hoping to find you before anyone else did.”

 

“No, no…it’s alright. I can handle Carli on my own time.” Hope’s voice drifted off.

 

The two stood in silence and studied each other closely, not just because neither of them knew where to begin, but simply because they couldn’t help it. Hope was expecting Kelley to pester her for an explanation any minute now, but gladly accepted the silence as an opportunity to take a small breather, or rather, to breathe Kelley in. Hope’s eyes gently took in Kelley’s facial features and she soon found herself tracing each pattern of freckles in her mind. Everything was still so familiar to Hope; every single one of her cell’s machinery was working hard to awaken her memory. The younger woman, still dressed in her favorite go to outfit (oversized sweater, leggings, socks, and sandals), was as gorgeous as ever. However, Hope also noticed the fear and weariness etched into the creases of Kelley’s face- and she knew she only had herself to blame.

 

“Hope-”

 

“Kell-”

 

The grown women looked at each other timidly as their voices blended mistakenly. Kelley offered Hope a small smile, encouraging her to speak first.

 

“We’ve never been good at starting conversations, have we?” Hope acknowledged a flaw that the both of them carried.

 

“Only at ending them.” Kelley sadly pointed out.

 

Hope flinched. She didn’t want to endure another moment of silence, so she forced herself to suggest, “Do you want to sit down and just…talk? We may not be perfect at it, but we can at least put the effort in.”

 

“Sure…I’d like that.” Kelley nodded approvingly.

 

Hope sighed in relief, suddenly feeling excitement rush through her veins. Kelley said yes. She had expected their first encounter to involve a screaming match of some sorts, but this was going a lot better- and she wasn’t going to complain. She gathered her belongings, “Let me just put my bags in my room and then maybe we can grab coffee?”

 

“No rush…I can wait.” Kelley reassured the frazzled woman in front of her, hoping that her own nerves would calm down before they were obvious.  

 

After speed walking to her room and quickly throwing everything inside, Hope sprinted back to the lobby, her heart afflicted by the smallest ounce of fear that maybe Kelley wouldn’t be there when she returned. She skidded to a halt as she frantically searched for Kelley, smiling as soon as her eyes landed on her figure near the door. She had waited.

 

Kelley looked up, “Ready?” Hope nodded, almost too eagerly, but luckily Kelley failed to notice and proposed, “I know a good coffee shop just a few blocks down.”

 

“Lead the way.” Hope finally caught her breath as she opened the door to outside.

 

The pair walked side by side in silence the entire way there. Kelley stared straight ahead, her expression hidden by the shades she wore, while Hope looked down at every single step she took, her hands fretfully in her pockets. Though Hope racked her brain for things to say, she was waiting patiently for Kelley, giving her the chance to speak up first. But Kelley remained silent and Hope started to second guess their little outing. They eventually arrived at the café nearby and Hope once again opened the door for Kelley, but abruptly stopped herself from placing her hand on the younger woman’s lower back to guide her in. She never realized how quickly she’d fall into old habits once seeing the young defender again.

 

Hope walked up to the counter, quickly scanned the menu, and ordered, “I’ll have an iced latté, please…” Hope tilted her heard, motioning towards Kelley, and continued, “And she’ll have an iced cortado.”

 

Kelley stuttered, “Uh, I…I can get my own…”

 

“No, no…it’s on me.” Hope adamantly replied as she handed the cashier a ten dollar bill.

 

Kelley sat down at the nearest available table as Hope retrieved their drinks. She realized how comical this afternoon was turning out to be. It was like they were teenagers going out on their first date- the awkward silences, the opening of the door, the one person ordering and paying for the other. She would’ve thought it was cute if they were in fact two love struck teenagers, but they weren’t. They were two grown adults who had fallen in and out of love one too many times.

 

Hope placed the iced drink in front of Kelley before sitting down and taking a sip out of her own. Noticing that Kelley just stared at the glass before her, Hope nervously asked, “Something wrong?”

 

Kelley smirked to herself, thinking of all the punitive remarks she could make, but she calmed herself down and just responded, “No, no…we’re good.” Hope raised an eyebrow, still not satisfied with her answer. Kelley sighed and admitted, “It’s just…it’s just that you remembered. You remembered my favorite drink, that is.”

 

Hope shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, “Well, of course…we did make a pact to hit as many coffee shops as we could in Seattle. We figured if we were to live there, we might as well become…remember what we called ourselves?” Hope eagerly awaited Kelley’s answer, hoping she hadn’t forgotten.

 

“Coffee Connoisseurs.” Kelley laughed softly, never forgetting the numerous books they bought and tours of roasteries they had gone on together- all just to become experts (or so they thought) in coffee.

 

“How could I forget your favorite drink after all that time spent together?” Hope’s voice trailed off, not wanting to acknowledge that they actually had something good at one point.

 

The two fell back into silence again. Hope mindlessly sipping her drink and Kelley fiddling with her hands in her lab. Not being able to take it anymore, Kelley spoke up with irritation clear in her voice, “You know, for this to work, we actually have to talk.”

 

“I told you we weren’t good at this.”

 

Kelley scoffed, “Well maybe if you…” She bit her lip, not wanting to start off with accusations. She conceded, “Fine, fine…okay, why don’t we start with something easy?”

 

“Uh, alright…” Hope leaned back in her chair, ready for the first question Kelley might have for her.

 

“So, Europe, huh?”

 

Hope nodded, “Uh, yeah…a few cities, actually. I initially took a job in London, but well…uhm, that wasn’t the greatest idea because…I mean, you know.” Hope kicked herself, knowing that if this was how she responded to simply questions, she’d be screwed for the more complicated ones. She brushed off her worries and continued more confidently, “I then went to Madrid, but I didn’t really like the big city feel and didn’t last long there. I finally ended up in a small town called Vienne, just outside of Lyon in France. I’ve been with their local kids soccer club ever since.”

 

Kelley shook her head in disbelief, “How’d you do it?”

 

“Do what exactly?” Hope’s brows furrowed together.

 

“Stay out of the spotlight and all…I was harassed by the media for a good year or so after, and there of course was a lot of speculation around you too, but there was no concrete evidence of where you were. You disappeared.”

 

Hope admitted honestly, “Well, that was the point, I guess…I mean I didn’t tell anyone where I was going and living in the countryside of France didn’t give much people the opportunity to rat me out or anything.”

 

“Well I hope you figured out everything you needed to while over there…” Kelley was genuine in her statement.

 

“Uh, yeah…it was really good for me.”

 

Kelley almost wanted to shoot back with _And I wasn’t?_ However she refrained and just responded blandly, “Good…that’s good.”

 

“What about you? Congrats on being a two time world champion. I didn’t get to see much of the tournament, but I heard you did well…”

 

“Yeah, yeah…it was good.” Kelley knew she needed to find another adjective for “good,” but also didn’t care either. She added, “The team dynamics were quite different for that cup.”

 

“I’d imagine so…” Hope asked out of curiosity, “You didn’t want to play in another cup after that?”

 

Kelley shook her head, “No, not really…I decided to give up my spot to someone younger. Travelling had started to take a toll on me and I wanted to focus on my NWSL career. You know, give the Reign my all before retiring.”

 

Hope perked up when Kelley mentioned the Reign. She smiled thinking about her former team, “How are those guys doing? You still close with Harvey?”

 

“Oh yeah…she’s still running the Reign like the badass she is.” Kelley chuckled to herself. “Plus some of us see her over dinner every once in awhile.”

 

“That’s great, Kell. I’m glad you’ve kept in touch with them all…” Hope smiled.

 

They were able to continue with small talk for quite some time. While doing so, Kelley almost felt like they had been transported back in time and were having a regular conversation. Though she hated herself for succumbing to Hope as she animatedly shared stories about her time overseas, Kelley found them talking to be sort of refreshing. She couldn’t remember the last conversation they had without their voices laced with angst and uncertainty. This felt normal; this felt good.

 

Hope was enjoying their conversation as well, even with the millions of questions she had for Kelley flying through her mind. As much as she tried to suppress every one of them, one certain question reigned superior in her mind and pestered her until she let it out. Kelley of course saw it coming; she knew they couldn’t avoid the topic forever. At the perfect moment of silence, Hope looked at Kelley tentatively before asking the question that had been on her mind for so many years.

 

“How’s Henley?” As soon as the question left her mouth, Hope realized how much it lacked substance. But how else could she have been more sincere when asking about the daughter she never watched grow up?

 

Kelley found herself resorting to her go to answer, “She’s…good.”

 

“That’s it?” Hope knew responded too quickly and perhaps too abruptly, but she was also slightly taken aback by Kelley’s dull response.

 

“Well what do you want me to say, Hope?” Kelley said in defense, “I could sit here with you for the rest of the day and that still wouldn’t do these past seven years justice.”

 

“I don’t know!” Hope exclaimed helplessly. She murmured quietly, “I already know I can’t make up for that lost time.”

 

“Maybe we should start to head back…I think we’ve talked about enough for today.” Kelley pushed her chair back, getting ready to leave.

 

Hope wasn’t going to let her change the subject so easily, especially when it concerned their daughter. She flat out demanded, “Kelley, I want to see her.”

 

“Hope, please don’t…” Kelley said emphatically.

 

“She’s my daughter too, you know. I _have_ to see her.” Hope pointed out. Her voice trembled as she whispered, “You at least owe me that.”

 

Suddenly, something else was awakened- a truth that the two of them alone shared. Hope’s deep blue eyes filled with a desperate plea. She hadn’t wanted to pull that card on her, but she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She needed to see Henley. Kelley felt guilt surface within her and Hope’s emotions tug at her heart, something they had always been so fond of doing. Not wanting to think further back into the past, especially at her own wrongdoings, Kelley quickly reconsidered. 

 

“I’ll think about it, Hope.”

 


	7. Come With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley and Hope’s first fight after Henley is born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and feedback :) I love reading them all! Enjoy the flashback...

 

 _//_ November 2017

_With little Henley just a mere three weeks old, the new family decided to stay in Seattle for Thanksgiving. Kelley’s parents were in town for the birth of their grandchild and Hope’s mother convinced them to stay an extra week so they could all spend Henley’s first major holiday together. Loving their new role as parents, both Hope and Kelley were absolutely smitten with their baby girl. Neither of them wanted to leave Henley’s side, especially Hope whose jaw would clench whenever someone other than Kelley asked to hold their child. She was so overprotective that Kelley would often lean in and softly remind her, “Hope, you’re making your scary face again. Cut it out.” Hope would just sigh and try to distract herself until Henley was safely returned to her arms._

_At Thanksgiving dinner itself, Hope was so enamored by the bundle in her arms that her mother scolded her for letting the food go cold. Everyone laughed and Kelley knew she couldn’t be more in love with the keeper than at that very moment. She was wrong. By the time dessert rolled around, Hope couldn’t take it anymore and her happiness unexpectedly burst out of its seams. She announced that she wanted to say a little something before stupidly grinning at her family around the table and sharing her feelings with everyone. Really, Hope had just wanted to express her gratitude for her new little family, but that quickly turned into extended thanks to those she loved the most, especially Kelley, and how the younger woman was the best thing that could have ever happened to her. By the end of Hope’s speech, Kelley had been brought to tears and that- that was the moment Kelley knew she couldn’t have fallen any deeper in love._

_//_ December 2017

 

_They flew to Georgia for Christmas. Kelley’s siblings had begged them to come so they could finally meet their little niece. Hope happily obliged; she was never one to give up an opportunity to spend time with the O’Haras. Ever since her first visit to the small town in which Kelley grew up in, Hope vowed that her children would be exposed to that intimate environment as often as possible- to that much love._

_Henley, at nearly two months old, had started to prove that it takes quite the effort and attention to have a baby. Both Hope and Kelley were starting to feel the effects of sleepless nights and nonstop caregiving. The exhaustion that only a baby could bring was clear to everyone as its manifestation was seen in Hope and Kelley dozing off in the middle of the day and taking naps, something that the couple were very much against. Still, the two loved Henley more than life itself that they did their best to overlook the fatigue and enjoy their time with family. Christmas morning was filled with Kelley’s mother’s homemade cinnamon rolls, endless cups of coffee, shiny wrapping paper, deafening laughter, and pure joy._

_Kelley would peg that as one of the family’s last good days together._

 

 _//_ January 2018

 

_The plan was to head home a few days after Christmas, but they soon found themselves in Jersey to ring in the New Year. Claiming that they were somewhat already on the east coast, Hope convinced Kelley that a quick visit to Carli and Brian wouldn’t do any harm. Though she felt like travelling with Henley at such an early age was starting to get out of hand, Kelley couldn’t resist the opportunity to return to the state where she had spent a significant portion of her life. Plus, Carli was adamant in seeing her god child._

_Everyone enjoyed their time together with the Rampones joining them all for a few days. Though most of their conversations revolved around Carli and Christie welcoming them to parenthood, Hope and Kelley had forgotten how much they missed being around teammates (other than Pinoe back home). All three families talked and joked well into the night, and for a moment, Hope started to believe that the joys of being a parent outweighed the rough patches. It wasn’t until their last couple minutes in Jersey, where they were all saying goodbye on Carli’s front porch, that Carli herself pulled her best friend aside. She had looked into her eyes and knowingly said, “Stay strong, Hope. Remember, this is all worth it. Kelley and Henley are worth it.” Hope smiled and that seemed to be convincing enough as Carli hugged her tight before wishing the little family a safe flight home. One hand gripping the baby carrier and the other intertwined with that of Hope’s, Kelley stepped through the entry way and waved goodbye to her friends._

_Little did Kelley know she’d be standing on that very same doorstep just a couple months later._

 

 _//_ February 2018

_The holidays had been a good distraction._

_Now that it had been a couple months since Henley was born, Kelley was finally able to get back on the field and start training again. Since they were still in the offseason and their next national camp wasn’t for another month, Kelley wanted to take advantage of the extra time to return to the game. The family quickly fell into a routine that allowed Kelley to spend most of the day with her trainer while Hope stayed at home with Henley. Hope loved spending time with their little one and didn’t mind allowing the time for Kelley to return to the sport they both loved, but childcare duties mixed with sleep deprivation were starting to take a toll on her and sent her mind spinning with troubling thoughts. This routine was getting old._

_After a long day of training, Kelley returned home to the sound of Henley crying and shrieking. Their little girl hadn’t been feeling the greatest lately and Kelley felt bad for leaving Hope alone with a feverish baby, but the goalkeeper had insisted that she stick to her training schedule. Kelley walked through the living room and into the kitchen where an exhausted Hope stood, trying to calm down the upset baby in her arms._

_“Oh come on, Henley, please just take the bottle.”_

_Kelley sighed in sympathy and walked over to her family, “Aw, Freckles, you still aren’t feeling good, are you?”_

_Hope tried bringing the bottle to the little girl’s mouth once again, but she swatted it out of the way. The bottle and its remnants were now splattered onto the floor. “Damn it!”_

_Kelley, slightly surprised by Hope’s sudden outburst, calmly took Henley out of her hands, “Here, let me take her.”_

_As she bent down to clean the mess, Hope muttered in frustration, “This bottle thing isn’t working out. She needs to be breast fed, Kell.”_

_Kelley ignored how brash Hope’s reply sounded and quietly sat down on the couch to feed Henley, who immediately stopped crying and latched on. After Kelley placed the now asleep Henley in her crib, she returned to the kitchen where she found Hope vigorously cleaning._

_“Hey, you alright?” Kelley asked softly as Hope continued to abruptly put dishes away in silence. Kelley reached for Hope’s hand and tugged her aside, “Don’t worry about those for now…come here, sit down.”_

_Hope reluctantly allowed Kelley to take her hand as she followed her into the living room. Sitting side by side, Kelley placed her hand on Hope’s knee and looked at her with concern in her eyes. She wanted to figure out why the keeper had been so tense lately, but instead, she mentioned, “Henley’s asleep now…”_

_“Good.” Hope nodded into the distance._

_“I think she caught something more than a cold. She felt pretty warm against me and she let out a few coughs here and there. Were you able to give her some cough medicine?”_

_“We don’t have any.”_

_Not liking how short Hope was being, Kelley sighed in annoyance, “You know, I could’ve picked some up on my way home today if you had just called me.”_

_Hope fired back, “Well I’m sorry if what I’m doing isn’t enough for you.”_

_Taken aback, Kelley shook her head, “Hey, that’s not fair…when have I ever said that?”_

_Hope looked at the hurt and confusion growing in Kelley’s eyes, and softly apologized, “I’m sorry, Kell.”_

_Kelley nodded in understanding, “I know things have been a little overwhelming lately, especially with me being gone all day. You should just call me if you ever feel like you can’t handle Henley alone; I’d come straight home to help you.”_

_“It’s fine.” Hope mumbled._

_“No it’s not,” Kelley replied adamantly, “Parenting isn’t meant to be done alone…we can work through this together.”_

_Hope let out an exasperated huff and pinched the bridge of her nose as she leaned her elbows against her knees, refusing to look at Kelley this entire time. She knew it wouldn’t be long before Kelley would start asking questions and though she knew it was inevitable, she still didn’t want to have the conversation with her._

_As if on cue, Kelley pressed further, “Hope, something’s bugging you…please, talk to me.” She lovingly intertwined her hand with one of Hope’s._

_Knowing there was no use to avoid the situation any longer, Hope admitted, “I’ve decided to retire.”_

_Eyes widening, Kelley brusquely removed her hand from Hope’s grip. She hadn’t expected anything remotely close to this. She breathed, “What?”_

_“I want to retire.” Hope replied in a matter of fact tone as if there was no weight behind her decision._

_Completely in shock, and a little offended that Hope hadn’t talked to her before making such a decision, Kelley responded incredulously, “Where is this coming from?!”_

_“It’s time…” A hint of sadness was found in Hope’s voice. “I just can’t give Henley my everything if I’m focused on soccer too.”_

_“What?” Kelley asked in total disbelief, still trying to wrap her mind around all this. “I…I told you to tell me if this became too much. I told you I could help out more. We can have both soccer and a family…we both know it can be done!”_

_“I’m not asking you to give up soccer too.” Hope pointed out._

_“But…but soccer means the world to you, Hope. You said you wouldn’t even think about retiring until after France. You’ve always talked about being the best athlete you can be and that you still have so much left to give…and I believe that, Hope. You’re not ready to give up soccer.” Kelley rambled, trying to make the pieces fit together._

_“I know…but I’ve made my decision. I just can’t give my all to you and Henley with soccer in the way.” Hope knew that the conviction in her voice was wearing off._

_Kelley quickly caught on and shook her head, “No, no…I don’t believe you. There’s something more to all of this.” Realization dawned upon Kelley as she worked through the problem, “The reason isn’t because of Henley and me…it’s because you’re losing sight of your own self again, isn’t it? This is stemming from that conversation we had around the time I found out I was pregnant, right?”_

_Hope cringed as she felt Kelley dig deep through her. Shutting down, she replied quietly, “I need to figure things out.”_

_“Again?!” Kelley almost shouted. She had thought they were fine and that Hope’s shortness lately had to do with lack of sleep. She thought back on the last year and realized that maybe her pregnancy served more as a distraction rather than a source of genuine happiness. She exclaimed, “What the fuck are you trying to figure out still?!”_

_Hope couldn’t look at Kelley anymore, so she stood up and began walking away. She shrugged, “I just need a break.”_

_Kelley immediately stood up with Hope and gave in, “Fine.” Hope paused and turned around, willing to hear more. Kelley continued, “Define ‘break’…let’s try and entertain this completely ridiculous idea.”_

_Hope sighed, “I don’t know…a little time to myself, I guess? I would still retire, escape the media, and…I don’t know. Maybe move somewhere else without people knowing?”_

_“What?” Kelley looked at her wife as if she just said the wildest thing, “You can’t just disappear.”_

_“It’s possible…”_

_“Uhm, not really…not with our lifestyle. Sure, you’re not some teen pop sensation, but you’re still Hope Solo; the media will be all over this in a heartbeat. This is ridiculous. You just can’t leave.”_

_“Well, maybe it doesn’t have to be just me who leaves…” Hope mumbled quietly, just loud enough for Kelley to hear._

_“What?” Kelley was confused by Hope’s statement, but wasn’t going to be shaken easily. She thought back on the last time Hope left. It had been right after London and while Kelley had wanted to see where their relationship might take them, Hope backed out last minute as she didn’t know how to deal with commitment. Though they had managed to fix things and give their relationship a second chance come Rio, their separation still gave Kelley immense heartbreak that she never wanted to go through again. Kelley stated firmly, “I’m not letting you leave again.”_

_“Then come with me.”_

 


	8. Treading Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is just really overprotective of Kelley, making it difficult for Hope to integrate herself back onto the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I know I promised some Henley-Hope interaction, but naturally, this story is taking me places I didn't expect it to. I swear it'll happen, but not for a few chapters...gotta build the story first :) Hope you still enjoy it!

 

After noting the time, Kelley quickly bounced down the stairs and peeked through the entryway to the room that was designated for team breakfasts. She instantly noticed the lone tall figure near the coffee machine and after regaining her composure, she confidently walked into the room.

 

“You’re still the first one at breakfast.” Kelley pointed out as she walked towards Hope, whom she had expected to find alone.

 

Startled, Hope whipped her head around, but noticing it was only the young defender, her expression softened and she grinned. “Good morning.”

 

“Old habits die hard, don’t they?”

 

Returning her attention to the brewing coffee, Hope admitted, “I thought I’d give myself enough time alone before everyone starts piling in…you know, I’d rather not start the day by facing the wrath of my teammates.”

 

Kelley felt the tension begin to surround them, knowing that Hope had the right to fear her teammates. Most of them hadn’t been very receptive to her being at the reunion, and Kelley knew a huge part, or perhaps all, of it was her fault. Since she had made the effort to wake up early to find Hope alone and didn’t want the moment to get any more awkward, Kelley decided to do what she knew best- deflecting tension with humor.

 

Kelley watched as Hope mindlessly stirred in some cream and sugar to the cup of coffee on the table, and joked, “Hey, thanks for making me coffee by the way.” She playfully snatched the cup out of Hope’s hands and took a small sip.

 

Hope’s eyes widened, stunned by Kelley’s spirited behavior. She stuttered, “Oh…uhm, I…well…”

 

Noticing that Hope was stumbling over her words, Kelley grinned, “Relax, Hope. I’m kidding.” She placed the cup back down on the table. “I know perfectly well not to steal coffee from you.”

 

Hope shook her head and pushed the cup towards Kelley. “No, no…go ahead, take it.”

 

“I was joking.” Kelley laughed at Hope’s naivety. 

 

“I know,” Hope eyed the younger woman, “But go ahead, you can have it.”

 

“Seriously?” Kelley looked up in disbelief.

 

“Seriously. I’ve been playing around with this old machine for the last half hour or so…I think I have it down now. It’ll be easy enough to make myself another.” Hope shrugged as she reached for another cup.

 

Kelley looked at the keeper skeptically. Though this was only her second counter with Hope, she felt an unusual vibe coming from her. There was a softer edge to her voice nowadays, as if Hope had finally found the peace she’d been so deprived of all her life. Kelley was intrigued.

 

“You’re different.”

 

With the conversation suddenly escalating, Hope turned to face Kelley. “I don’t know about that…you yourself just pointed out that I keep to my old habits.” 

 

“No,” Kelley was adamant, “Something’s changed about you.”

 

“Is this because I offered you my coffee? Kell, don’t over think it.”

 

Hope’s eyes sparkled for quick second and it didn’t go unnoticed by Kelley. The shorter woman exclaimed, “See?! You did it again…you…you just…the way you said my name…” Kelley was now at a loss of words, realizing that there wasn’t way to perfectly describe this change.

 

“What?”

 

“I…I don’t know.” Kelley succumbed to defeat.

 

“I wouldn’t call this change, Kell…you just have this effect on me. You always have.” Hope felt color rushing to fill her face as she blurted out tenderly, “I’d do anything for you.”

 

Kelley felt herself surrender. It was amazing how her entire body seemed to go limp at the sound of Hope’s voice. Though many thought the keeper to be too forward and blunt, to Kelley, she had always been gentle. Things came easy to the two of them and Kelley longed for that type of interaction in her life- interaction that only Hope could bring. But thinking back on the many years of heartbreak, Kelley’s walls shot back up as she refused to fall into another trap.

 

Sensing the uncomfortable silence, Hope changed the subject, “So, have you given second thought to--”

 

Hope immediately stopped talking when she saw the door fly open out of the corner of her eyes. Kelley’s attention reverted towards the back of the room where Ashlyn and Alex now stood, looking like two bullies ready to clear the school hallway. Kelley looked down at her feet, wishing she could melt into the ground.

 

“Well, look what we have here…” Ashlyn taunted as she approached Hope and Kelley.

 

Finally standing next to the only other pair in the room, Alex crossed her arms and glared at Hope. “Is she bothering you, Kell?”

 

Kelley gulped, her eyes never leaving the floor. She replied truthfully, “Uhm, no…”

 

“Good morning, Ash, Alex…you guys look good.” Hope treaded water carefully, “How are things?” 

 

“Cut the crap, Hope.” Alex immediately scoffed.

 

Hope didn’t like the way her two teammates seemed to have her cornered, but also knew that it wouldn’t do much good if she burst with anger. Hearing the footsteps of even more teammates coming down for breakfast, Hope looked sadly at Kelley, who just grimaced in return. She softly murmured, “See you at practice, Kell.”

 

Before Kelley could say anything in return, Hope had already started to sneak out of the room before anyone else could see her. Trying to hide the look of dismay on her face, Kelley grabbed a small plate of food and sat down at the nearest table. Ashlyn and Alex joined her, but the three usually talkative friends ate in silence-that is until Morgan and Kling sat down.

 

Pulling her chair out to sit down, Morgan groaned, “I’m really not looking forward to practice today.”

 

“Why not?” Kling replied as she shoved a couple pieces of her fruit into her mouth.

 

“Dawn has a lot of running drills planned for us, remember?”

 

Speaking with her mouth full, Kling protested, “W…well, yeah…but that’s just for the first half of practice. We get to scrimmage for the rest of the time!”

 

Morgan rolled her eyes at her short haired friend, “You’re just excited to play in front of Hope again.”

 

Ashlyn quickly interrupted, “Hey! I take great offense to that.”

 

Kling shook her head violently, “No, no! It’s not like that. I just think it’ll be kind of cool to have the world cup ‘brick wall’ back together, you know? See if we still got it and all. Hey, have any of you actually talked to Hope or...” Kling felt Morgan nudge her in the ribs and just as she was about to complain, she realized her fellow defender silently picking at her food. “Oh…I’m sorry, Kelley.”

 

Kelley’s eyes shot up, “No…no, it’s fine. I’ve talked to her already.”

 

Alex scoffed loudly, “Yeah, good thing were there before things got worse.”

 

Ashlyn quickly informed her two clueless teammates and whispered aside, “Hope had Kelley corned by the coffee machine this morning.”

 

Kelley frowned at the accusation and defended, “Guys, it wasn’t like that…”

 

“Ohhh…do tell!” Morgan and Kling demanded simultaneously, easily absorbed into gossip.

 

Kelley almost exploded, “There’s nothing to tell! Besides, for _all_ of your information…” She paused to eye Ashlyn and Alex, “This morning wasn’t the first time we talked either. We went out yesterday after she arrived.”

 

“You did _what_ now?” Ashlyn sassed in return.

 

Stunned, Alex stuttered, “Wh…why did you…what did you two talk about?”

 

“None of your business.” Kelley fired back, not caring if she sounded like a bratty little girl.

 

Kling rolled her eyes, “For the last time, you two have always been partially our business too…whether we like it or not.”

 

“Look, we didn’t talk about much. We just…caught up.”

 

Alex wasn’t satisfied with her friend’s vague answer and pointed out, “We all know it’s never been that simple between you and Hope.” She demanded, “Spill, Kelley.”

 

Just as she was about to respond, Kelley paused as her eyes drifted to the entry way where Ali had just walked in with a little girl in her arms. The young boy beside her let go of her hand and quickly rushed over to Ashlyn.

 

Ashlyn’s expression instantly lightened up as she caught her little boy in her arms, “Hey Landon!”

 

“Mommy, guess what?!” The four year old squirmed with excitement.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Mama said that I can have pancakes this morning because I brushed my teeth really well. See?” Landon flashed his pearly whites, not just to his mom but to everyone else seated at the table. The table erupted into soft laughter.  

 

“Wow, good job, buddy! They’re so white; they’re blinding me!” Ashlyn jokingly shielded her eyes.

 

Landon looked down at his mother’s plate and asked, “Mommy, did you eat pancakes for breakfast?”

 

“No, I didn’t. But I tell you what, you better hurry up and get a plate before Aunty Tobin eats them all!”

 

“Hey, I heard that, Ash!” Tobin glared from the table over, simultaneously shoving a forkful of pancake into her mouth.

 

Ashlyn smirked before releasing Landon who ran to the breakfast bar. After settling their two kids at the kid’s table nearby, Ali walked over to join her wife and teammates. She greeted, “Good morning, everyone.”

 

“Hey, babe.” Ashlyn gave Ali a quick peck on the cheek, “Thanks for taking care of the kiddos this morning.”

 

Ali joked, “Well we all know you can barely take care of yourself early in the morning.” After receiving a light shove from her wife, Ali turned her attention to her table mate across the table, “Hey Kell, where’s Henley at? I didn’t see her at the kid’s table.”

 

Again, before Kelley had the chance to explain, Christie swooped into the conversation, “With Rylie and Reece.”

 

As Christie pulled up a chair, Kelley looked at her semi-apologetically, “I hope your girls don’t mind Henley tagging along so much these days…”

 

“Oh, don’t be silly. Those three are inseparably, honestly. I overheard their big plans for the day…something about the San Francisco Exploratorium.”

 

“Oh the science exhibit!” Kelley was familiar with the place, “I’m sure that was Henley’s idea…she’s been begging me to take her there ever since we arrived.”

 

Quickly interrupting the conversation that had suddenly diverted from their original topic, Kling cleared her throat in exaggeration, “Ahem, can we please rewind back to the original conversation? We’re getting sidetracked.”

 

“Kling!” Moe scolded her friend.

 

Kelley knew her teammates wouldn’t give up easily until they got some sort of answer, so she gave in, “It’s fine…if I don’t share at least a little something, I’ll never hear the end of it. Speaking of Henley, actually…”

 

Kling interrupted out of excitement, “Oh! Has she met Hope yet?!” Her outburst earned another set of glares from everyone around the table and she sunk back into her chair, murmuring, “Okay, okay…I’ll shut up now.”

 

Kelley took a deep breath before explaining, “Well, I wanted to talk to a few of you about this actually…those two haven’t crossed paths yet, thankfully. But Hope really wants to see her.”

 

“Are you going to allow her?” Christie innocently asked the young mother.

 

“I told her I’d think about it.” Kelley let her words soak in before pleading, “So? What should I do?”

 

“Kell, this is a decision you’ll have to make alone in the end, but honestly, I don’t think it’s the worse idea out there…” Christie reasoned. Being their former leader, as well as one of the most level-headed people Kelley knew, she continued, “This could resolve some things not just for Hope, but also for you and Henley.”

 

“I disagree.” Alex flat out stated, “Hope doesn’t deserve to see Henley.”

 

“Yeah, to be honest, I don’t think I even want her around my kids.” Ashlyn scoffed, earning a glare from Ali, who then turned to her fellow defender.

 

“Kelley, I have to side with Cap on this one. I know Hope means trouble, and I certainly don’t agree with what she’s done to you, but maybe interactions with Henley will help heal old wounds.”

 

“You’re too nice, babe.” Ashlyn sighed and stared at Kelley. “I’m just…I’m a little bothered by the fact that Hope thinks she can just walk back into your life and pick everything right back up. It’s not that simple; it doesn’t work that way. She made the decision to leave and I just think she needs to face her consequences.”

 

“Exactly…what if she hurts you again? What if she hurts Henley? I mean, not that she already has indirectly.” Alex pointed out.

 

Kelley was quick to disagree, mumbling, “No…Hope wouldn’t hurt Henley.”

 

Sensing her teammate’s hesitation, Christie stood by her advice, “I still think it’s worth a shot.”

 

Kelley ran her fingers through her hair, still quite indecisive. “Okay, so two for and two against. Kling? Moe?”

 

The two women who had been silent for the last couple minutes finally spoke up, “We don’t know.” Kling added, “I’m indifferent…I don’t like making these type of decisions for other people. I trust that you know what’s best for you and Kid O’Hara, Kell.”

 

Kelley groaned, banging her head against the table. Looking back up, she exhaled sarcastically, “Thanks guys. You all were _so_ helpful.”

 

“It’s really up to you, Kell.” Christie wisely put an end to the conversation.

 

-

 

The team finally gathered for practice shortly after breakfast. Before getting started, a few players were pulled aside for interviews with the media. Kelley noticed as Jill called Carli and Hope over at the same time, and she couldn’t help but groan inwardly. As she put on her gear, she eavesdropped to the best of her ability. By the cold looks on both their faces, Kelley feared the interview would quickly go south. Multiple interviewers continuously asked about their friendship now that Hope has returned, but Carli would deflect each question by emphasizing her focus on winning the upcoming match.

 

The tension sensed from the interview alone carried on throughout practice and as the hours went by, guilt slowly encompassed Kelley. The treatment that Hope was receiving was completely uncalled for. Many of her teammates were purposely playing extra aggressively towards her. Kelley found herself getting extremely nervous every time Carli approached goal, knowing her shots had the potential to do some great injury to Hope’s hands. Every time her hands snapped back to deflect one of Carli’s shots, Hope would grimace. Kelley knew she was in significant pain, but more importantly, knew that Hope wouldn’t say anything. That’s just who she was. Hope always had such a negative image attached to her that she too fed into it; she let herself believe she was flawed to the point of no return- and Kelley, in her discretion, knew she played a huge role in that.

 

Practice had wound down to the last play when things escalated beyond everyone’s breaking point. Already knowing what was about to happen before it actually did, Kelley braced herself as both Abby and Alex made a run for goal. Both being strong and tall forwards, the two players jumped up to head the ball in a way that would make them purposely collide into Hope. In the blink of an eye, Hope was withering on the floor in clear pain. Kelley felt her two feet propel her forward. Her eyes brimmed with tears, clearly not being able to handle her team’s horrible treatment of someone who had meant so much to her.

 

Untangling herself from the mess near goal, Alex abruptly got up and muttered loud enough so the keeper could hear, “I trusted you, Hope.” She gave Hope one last look of disgust before jogging off with Abby, who also shook her head in disapproval.

 

Hope’s face was still scrunched up in pain and Kelley wanted to yell at her team for being so harsh, but she just couldn’t find the words. In a very sick way, she too wanted Hope to feel the pain she had endured these past seven years. The depth at which their relationship had been destroyed was something that would resonate with Kelley for the rest of her life and she wasn’t so sure she could defend the person who was the reason for all that. She remained grounded in her place.

 

By now, Pinoe had jogged over and placed a comforting hand on Hope. She needed the keeper to know that there was at least one person who wasn’t going to make her life a living hell. Angry at her team’s behavior, Pinoe had enough and yelled across the field. “Real mature, guys!”

 

Hope sucked her breath in, doing her best to ignore the pain. She bravely stood up and shrugged off the pain, limping to the side lines. Pinoe watched her helplessly before making contact with Kelley, condemning the freckled woman’s actions (or lack thereof). Kelley winced at Pinoe’s glare, knowing that the short haired woman was extremely suspicious of what happened years ago. Kelley couldn’t blame her- she herself couldn’t even begin to come to terms with the truth.  

 

After gathering her belongings and walking back to the hotel, Kelley joined Carli in the elevator leading up to their rooms. Hope was not far behind, but noticing the glare on Carli’s face, she stopped right before getting in.

 

Kelley frowned, “Wait, Hope--”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Hope waved the pair off and offered, “I’ll take the stairs.”

 

The elevator doors closed and Kelley faced Carli, annoyance plastered all over her face. Carli shrugged, “What?”

 

“You didn’t have to do that.”

 

“She said she’d take the stairs!” Carli crossed her arms in defense.

 

“Not just that…you didn’t have to take all those shots on goal either.” Kelley reprimanded Carli friend, even though she was just being protective of her.

 

“Look, I just really want to be prepared for the upcoming game. Taking shots at practice will only make me better.”

 

“Jesus Christ, Carli, it’s a friendly! For our reunion!” Kelley was clearly frustrated. She continued, “I told you I can take care of myself.”

 

Carli didn’t say another word before getting out of the elevator and immediately heading to her room. Kelley reached her own room, the guilt slowly creeping back. Sure, she had found some comfort in witnessing Hope experience pain, but Kelley wasn’t entirely ruthless. In fact, she felt even more terrible as she realized that Hope didn’t deserve the extra pain- she, too, probably dealt with heartbreak all these years. Hope was taking the short end of things, and Kelley was a coward for not standing up for her- a coward for more reasons that just this one. To eradicate at least some guilt, Kelley picked up her phone and began texting, _I’m sorry about today._ After hitting send, her phone buzzed with a reply, _It’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ll be okay…thanks._

 

Kelley threw her phone to the side and plopped herself on the bed. She finally reconsidered the truth, thinking back on the second half of their argument so many years ago. She reached a new conclusion.

 

Hope didn’t deserve this as much as she did. 

 

 _//_ February 2018

 

_“Then come with me.”_

_Kelley let Hope’s plea sink in. Once realizing the implications of the one statement, Kelley looked at her wife in disbelief. She stuttered, “Wh…what?”_

_“Come with me.” Hope repeated. She further explained, “I don’t want to leave you, Kell…I’m not going to do that to you.”_

_“Hope, I don’t understand. What are you saying? What do you want?”_

_“Look, I do want to leave…but I don’t want to leave you and Henley. What I want to leave behind is all the stress, the media, the pressure, the repercussions of being a public figure. I’m exhausted and I need a break from that. Retirement doesn’t mean I’m retiring from our family.” Hope finally started to open up._

_“But you said…”_

_“Forget what I said before!” Hope exclaimed. She inhaled sharply, “I know I’ve been unclear and possibly sending you mixed signals, but I’ve made up my mind. Ever since Henley was born, I’ve fallen more and more in love with the two of you each day. I’ve come to realize that you and Henley are the most important parts of my life. I can’t live without you…I need you to come with me.”_

_“Come with you?” Kelley was still slightly confused._

_“Yeah, you, me, and Henley. We’ll live a quiet life, out of the spotlight.” Hope half-smiles to herself, “This sounds ridiculous, but I’m literally asking you to run away with me.”_

_Finally realizing what Hope was implying, Kelley instantly shook her head, “What?! No! We can’t just do that. That’s not realistic.”_

_“Yes, it is. I think it’ll be good for us.”_

_“No, I think it’ll only be good for you.” Kelley was taken aback, “Do you realize how selfish you’re sounding? You can’t just ask me to drop everything and follow you into a recluse lifestyle. I’m at the peak of my career! France is next year!”_

_“I just…I can’t live without you.” Hope repeated quietly._

_“Then don’t! I’m here, Hope. You can still retire and be with us…just stay.”_

_“But if I stay, that means I stay in all this mess. The media-”_

_“Since when have you cared about the media?!”_

_“I can feel myself shutting down…I’m unhappy, Kelley.” Hope quickly corrected, “Not because of you, but because of all this other stuff…I don’t know how to describe it. You don’t understand.”_

_Kelley took Hope’s hands in her own and squeezed them tight as a sign of support. “Help me understand, Hope. I am here. I love you. We’ll work through this just like we’ve worked through all our messes beforehand. Put in the effort one last time for me…for us. I know you can do it, Hope.”_

_“Kelley…” Hope breathed in defeat._

_“Don’t go.”_

_Hope swallowed back her insecurities, though she knew they’d resurface in only a matter of time. She remained silent, a tear dropping into her lap. She was suffering and she had no idea why; she didn’t know what her needs were other than that she needed Kelley and Henley. Everything else that rest in the unknown was slowly destroying her, but she was going to listen and respect Kelley’s plea._

_She was determined to stay._

****


	9. Knowing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope catches a glimpse of Henley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite part about this chapter might be the flashback...gotta lighten up the mood somehow :) Enjoy!

 

Fans cheering. Whistles blowing. Palms sweating. Heavy breathing. Heart racing.

 

Hope was in her element.

 

There weren’t words to describe the feeling of being in goal; there never were. Something about tracking every movement of each player and the white noise of the fans around her had always made Hope feel grounded. Though chaos unfolded in front of her, the chaos within disappeared. It didn’t make much sense, really, but that’s what made soccer so special. It had that calming effect on her.

 

The charity match had attracted thousands of fans to see them play once more in a reunion with Japan’s 2015 World Cup team. It was an incredibly huge deal and Hope felt proud once again to be part of such major growth in women’s soccer. Though the fight for equality seemed to never end, the NWSL had expanded far beyond anyone’s expectations and the national team were slowly getting the recognition they deserved. But what was so great about this growth was that it didn’t just stop in America; women athletes around the world were seeing better treatment with new countries developing all sorts of programs each year. This was truly worth celebrating.

 

Hope’s heart began to skip beats, just like it did near the end of every game. They were up by one, but she could tell everyone was exhausted. The majority of the world cup squad was retired, so many hadn’t stepped on the field in years. It was exciting though- to be all together again. Despite their differences off the field, they all seemed to connect on it. Yet, Japan seemed to have taken the higher ground in the second half and there were too many shots on goal over the last ten minutes. Hope nervously braced herself as she tracked one of the Japanese forwards as she sprinted past the backline and into the box. Once seeing the player face her body towards goal and extend her leg, Hope closed her eyes and made a choice.

 

With that choice, her heart seemed to stop. But as Hope slowly opened her eyes and looked down at the ball in between her gloves, she felt her heart rise in the number of beats per minute and she smiled. She still had it in her. One last save.

 

The final whistle blew, and with that, reality sunk back in. She approached her teammates and though there was obvious tension, everyone did their best to put on positive expressions. They high fived each other, some more reluctantly than others. The shaking of hands, the end of the match chatter, the pushing through players- everything was coming back.

 

And for Hope, that “everything” really just meant one thing: find Kelley. After every match they played, they always seemed to find each other. They never planned it; they didn’t have to. It would just happen. All they had to do was breathe and let the inclinations of their minds and bodies take over. They were only ever just a gaze away.

 

So with that in mind, Hope made her way across the field to the young defender. Though she received many dirty looks from teammates as she passed, Hope was determined to abide by their post-match tradition. Only a yard away now, Hope watched as Kelley’s head suddenly jolted upwards, as if she knew Hope was looking for her. She smiled in relief as Kelley broke away and headed in her direction; Kelley, too, wasn’t going to give up a habit that had formed over so many years.

 

“Well, here we are again.” Kelley smirked as she crossed over.

 

“Here we are.” Hope reiterated and shrugged, shaking her head incredulously at the shorter woman before her, “I seriously don’t know how we do this…it’s like a sixth sense, really.”

 

“Or someone just really can’t stay away from me.” Kelley playfully joked, her spirits high after such a great game.

 

Without thinking, Hope gravely pointed out, “I don’t know, if that were true, then the last seven years wouldn’t have panned out the way they did.”

 

Kelley’s face dropped and looked at Hope in disappointment. She sighed, “Way to ruin the moment…”

 

“Sorry…I’m just pointing out the facts.” Hope wanted to smack herself in the head. This wasn’t how she imagined their conversation going. They were now both looking down at their feet, shying away from each other. Hope glanced up only to receive a dirty glare from Carli who was eyeing them nearby. She shifted uncomfortably.

 

Kelley could feel more and more of her teammate’s stares burn through them, so she softly eased the awkwardness, “Good game, though…you’re just as amazing as I remembered.”

 

Hope couldn’t help but blush before returning the compliment, “You too, Kell.”

 

“I should probably go shake hands with the refs…that way you stop receiving death glares from Carli…or everyone, really.” Kelley looked around nervously.

 

“I don’t care what people think.”

 

“But I care _for_ you.” Surprisingly her own self by her sudden claim, Kelley stuttered, “I…I just don’t like the way they’ve been treating you.”

 

“In their defense, I deserve it.”

 

“But so do I…” Kelley opened her mouth, but was interrupted by her name being called.

 

“Kelley! Get over here!” Alex motioned to a group huddle that had formed between some of the team, obviously ignoring Hope and clearly trying to pry Kelley away.

 

Hope looked over and sadly encouraged Kelley, “Go.”

 

“Hope, I’m sorry…I would-”

 

“This isn’t the place or time for this conversation. Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine. Just go ahead.” Hope walked away before Kelley could even begin to form her thoughts. After talking with the staff for a bit, Hope walked back to the goal post here she had left some of her belongings. She quickly gathered her water bottle and training jacket, hoping to make a quick exit. But as she walked towards the tunnel, something- well someone caught her eye.

 

Some new staff members appeared to flood the field and behind them trailed Rylie and Reece, who were so old now that Hope barely recognized them. She smiled at how some things in fact don’t change- to her, they’d always be the little Christie Rampones rushing the field after every game. As Hope reminisced in nostalgia, she was suddenly hit with realization and her insides flipped upside down.

 

Her post-match routine didn’t belong to _just_ Kelley anymore. It belonged to Henley too.

 

Hope had spent the last couple days keeping to herself, doing her best to respect Kelley’s wishes for time to think about her and Henley. Though she wanted to give Kelley all the time in the world, Hope needed to see her daughter. They’d all be going their separate ways in the next few days and frankly, time was running out. _Screw it,_ Hope thought. She should be allowed to see her kid if she wanted to. Hope felt the sixth sense inside her reawaken and she whipped her head around to get a better view of all the kids running onto the field. So many families had showed up for the game and Hope couldn’t believe how much the national team family had grown. Yet, her eyes searched for Kelley once again. For if she could find Kelley, she’d find Henley. 

 

Hope cautiously stood from afar, but felt her feet move her in the direction where her heart was leading her to. Again, she wasn’t sure how this was happening, but she wasn’t going to fight it. She began running through all the scenarios and conversations she had imagined for years, and she knew one thing for sure- that once she spot her daughter, she wouldn’t stop chasing after her.

 

But things never go as imagined.

 

Because once Hope felt her eyes find Kelley and then drift lower down to the back of a small figure with honey colored hair standing in the same exact stance as her mother, Hope felt herself turn into stone. Everything she had every wanted to say to Henley, every scenario she had thought deeply about for the last seven years suddenly went out the window. Hope watched as the little girl wrapped her arms around Kelley’s waist, her face still unknown and buried deep into her mother’s responding embrace. _How apparent would Kelley’s features be in their little girl? Her nose? Her eyes? Her freckles? Her smile?_ Hundreds of questions bombarded Hope, but then the little girl laughed- and that sound was the most precious thing she had heard in her entire life. Hope watched from afar, her eyes brimming with tears and her senses rendering numb.

 

 _//_ November 2017

 

_Hope blinked herself awake, doing her best to keep her eyelids from drooping down in fatigue. She mentally scolded herself for dozing off where she remained in her uncomfortable seat beside the hospital bed. A yawn escaped her mouth, only to be cut short by the sudden pressure of a strong grip._

_Hope’s head shot up as she asked in concern, “Kell? You okay?” She looked over to the tired woman lying on her side, her eyes shut tight and her face wrinkling in pain. Hope rested her hand comfortably on top of Kelley’s as she endured the pain. Noticing Kelley’s expression soften after a minute, Hope mused quietly, “Another contraction?” Kelley just nodded in silence. Hope suddenly realized how tense her own body had become. All they could do was wait, and Hope was growing both increasingly impatient and stiff as Kelley experienced more frequent bouts of pain. Kelley had become unusually quiet as the hours went by, indicating the immense amount of discomfort she was in. Realizing that Kelley was drifting off into sleep again, Hope quietly informed her, “I’ll be right back, okay?” Eyes still closed, Kelley nodded._

_Hope decided to get some fresh air before she began to hassle the nurses and doctors, even though she knew it was just a waiting game from here on out. After walking over to the café across the hospital and sitting down with yet another cup of coffee, she took out her headphones and pulled out her phone._

_“I’ve been waiting for you to call.” Carli’s face appeared on the tiny screen. She yelled into the background behind her, “Hey, Brian! Hope’s facetiming me! You owe me $20!”_

_“Really, Carli?” Hope groaned at her best friend._

_“We had a bet going…he didn’t think you would call until the little one made her entrance into the world. Even after all these years, he underestimates our friendship.” Carli smirked, “By the way, you look like shit.”_

_“Thanks, I was definitely going for the ‘your wife has been in labor for almost thirty hours and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it’ look today. It suits me well, don’t you think?”_

_“Thirty hours?! Has it really been that long? Holy shit.” Carli shook her head in disbelief._

_“If you think I look bad, you should see Kell…” Hope’s voice was laced with concern._

_Carli’s expression turned serious, “How’s she holding up?”_

_“She’s a trooper…” Hope motioned to the warm drink in her hands, “And I’m over here complaining with a cup of coffee and a tiny human is about to exit my wife’s body.”_

_“Hope, you just have to be patient.”_

_“I know, I know…” Before Hope could continue, a short-haired blonde plopped herself down in the chair across from her._

_“Well, well, well! Look what we have here…” Pinoe observed. “None other than Mama Solo talking to Godmother Lloyd!”_

_Hope let her head back and grumbled, “Oh good, just what I needed…”_

_Pinoe looked straight into the go pro camera attached to the end of the selfie stick in her hands and mentioned aside, “For the record, I’m still a little bitter about not being named Kid O’Hara’s godmother. It’s okay though, I’m willing to let that go since she’ll be named after me.”_

_Hope rolled her eyes, “For the hundredth time, we are not naming her Megan.”_

_Pinoe shrugged, “I’ll believe you when I see Kid O’Hara’s birth certificate.”_

_“Kid O’Hara? Seriously?” Hope questioned._

_“What? That nickname will catch on, I tell you!” Pinoe was dead serious._

_Carli agreed, “I hate to admit it, Hope, but Pinoe might be getting somewhere with that…I think it’s cute.”_

_“So remind me why I keep you two around again?” Hope looked between her two friends._

_“Oh!” Pinoe’s face lit up, “Here’s why- I came over here to tell you that Kelley’s gone into labor.”_

_Hope rolled her eyes and responded sarcastically yet again, “You’re not wrong. We’ve only been at the damn hospital for, I don’t know, basically forever!”_

_Pinoe nonchalantly corrected her friend, “No, no, silly- I mean, the doctor literally just gave the green light for her to push or pull or whatever the heck you do. It’s go time, Solo.”_

_Hope choked on the sip of coffee she had just taken and dropped her phone. Daggers shot out of her eyes, “Megan, you’re kidding, right? Please tell me this is one of your jokes. Ha, ha, so funny.”_

_“No, Kelley’s mom sent me over here to get you.” Pinoe informed seriously._

_“Holy…what the…” Hope stood up abruptly, her chair falling down in the process. “Oh my god, Megan, you little shit!” She immediately booked it out of the café._

_“Wait, hello? Guys! I’m still here!” Carli’s voice was heard from Hope’s phone on the floor. Megan quickly picked it up and sprinted after Hope._

_After four flights of stairs, Hope finally made it to the delivery room, receiving a glare from Kelley’s mother. She mouthed a quick ‘I’m sorry’ before rushing to be by Kelley’s side. Kelley’s eyes locked onto her with relief. “Oh thank god. You’re here…you didn’t leave me.”_

_Hope apologized profusely, “I’m so sorry, Kell…I’m so sorry. Megan didn’t…never mind. How are you? Never mind again, that’s a stupid question. I mean, uhm, are you ready?”_

_Kelley smiled faintly at Hope stumbling over her words and just nodded, “Yeah.”_

_“Yeah?” Hope’s voice squeaked, excitement arising in her. This was it. It was finally happening. Reality suddenly hit her and she felt herself shutting down as the nurse placed optional scrubs in her hands._

_Megan pointed the camera to Kelley, who weakly gave her a thumbs up and then focused on Hope, who was staring mindlessly at the garments in her hands. Megan chuckled and narrated, “Well, here you have it folks, the number one badass goalkeeper in the world losing all bodily function. What a rare sight!”_

_Carli, who was still on the phone, yelled, “Oh for Christ sake! Pinoe, hold up the goddamn phone for me!” Pinoe obliged, juggling the two objects in her hand. Carli now had full sight of her best friend and began the pep talk she had been preparing ever since finding out Kelley was pregnant, “Hope, listen to me. Snap out of it. It’s time. You’re ready for this. You got this. You’re motherfucking Hope Solo and your wife is motherfucking Kelley O’Hara.”_

_The team of nurses shuffling around the room stopped momentarily, sending confused, but nonetheless disapproving looks towards their conversation. Hope still seemed stuck in her trance, not budging one bit._

_Kelley broke the silence and asked in disbelief, “Is that…Carli?”_

_Megan turned the phone towards the bed. Carli threw two thumbs up and grinned widely, “You’re doing great, KO!” She turned her attention back to Hope, “Oh for fuck’s sake. HOPE AMELIA SOLO. GROW A PAIR AND HOLD KELLEY’S HAND.”_

_“Jeez, do you guys always get this vulgar with each other? I’m trying to keep this home video PG over here.” Pinoe added._

_An uncharacteristic scream escaped Kelley’s mouth and filled the room, immediately snapping Hope out of her rigid state. She quickly rushed bedside, “Hey, I’m here…it’s okay. You’re doing great.” Hope continued to coach her encouragingly._

_Megan held the go pro up, filming every moment until her phone started to ring. “Oooh, Krashlyn’s facetiming! Carli, I gotta put you down real fast. Give me a second to answer this…Ash! Ali! My homies!”_

_“Hey Pinoe!” The couple waved into their phone._

_“What’s up?!”_

_“Nothing much- how’s Kid O’Hara watch? We were just calling to check in on Hope and-” Ashlyn was cut off by another scream before she could finish. “Oh my god, was that Kelley? I didn’t know her screams could reach that pitch.”_

_Ali frowned, “Wait is she in labor right now?”_

_Ashlyn caught on, “Jesus, Pinoe, are you in the delivery room?!”_

_“Yes, m’aam!” Pinoe wiggled her eyebrows and flipped the camera around, “I’ve got front row seats, look!”_

_“Aw, shit! Pinoe, I didn’t need to see that!” Ashlyn shielded her eyes._

_“You’re such a wuss, Ash. How did you manage to sit with Ali during the boys’ births?”_

_“I didn’t. I passed out…twice.”_

_Ali rolled her eyes, “I’m still not forgiving you for that.”_

_Pinoe startled her own self, “Oh crap! I forgot about Carli.” She set down the selfie stick to pick up Hope’s phone._

_“Carli?” Both Ashlyn and Ali asked in unison._

_“Yeah, she’s facetiming on Hope’s phone.”_

_Carli grinned and waved, “Hey, friends!”_

_Pinoe laughed loudly and looked back and forth between the two phones. “Whoa, this is crazy, isn’t it?! We’re all together, but we’re totally not together. I love technology.” Kelley let out another scream and Pinoe, without thinking, looked over her should and hushed, “Shhhh!”_

_Hope let go of Kelley’s hand and looked at her Seattle teammate incredulously. She exclaimed, “Did you just shush us?!”_

_“Uhmmm…that would be a no.” Pinoe dragged out the ‘o’ sound in guilt._

_Hope walked over, just about ready to strangle her teammate. She threw her hands up and blew up, “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WE ARE HAVING A CHILD HERE. AND YOU’RE TELLING US TO BE QUIET?!”_

_Carli spoke up, “Hope, calm down.”_

_“Oh Carli, SHUT UP! You’re just as bad as Pinoe!” Hope’s eyes landed on Pinoe’s phone and she squinted, “Wait, oh my god…Ash? Ali?”_

_“Hey, Solo!” They greeted._

_Having forgotten the entire situation at hand, Hope curiously asked, “When did you guys facetime? I didn’t notice you had-”_

_“HOPE. I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU MISS OUR CHILD’S BIRTH BECAUSE YOU’RE MAKING SMALL TALK WITH THE ENTIRE GODDAMN NATIONAL TEAM…” Kelley finally exploded from her place just a couple feet away._

_“Oooooo, Solo, you in trouble!” Pinoe mocked teasingly. Startled by Kelley’s outburst, Hope rushed back to Kelley’s side, apologizing once again. Pinoe added, “Again, for the record, it’s not the entire national team…you’re lucky I didn’t set up a live feed in here.”_

_“That’s fucking it!” Hope seethed through her teeth and looked across the room again. In her bold keeper’s voice, she ordered, “EVERYONE, OUT. PINOE, GET OUT.”_

_“You can’t tell me to leave.” Pinoe protested and reasoned, “I’m documenting all this for you! You asked me to, remember?”_

_“Then why is the go pro on the fucking floor?!” Hope retaliated, motioning at the object at Pinoe’s feet._

_“Oh, whoops- my bad! Let me get back on that…” Pinoe bent down._

_“NO, OUT!” Hope pointed to the door. “GET OUT. TAKE CARLI AND KLINGENMOE AND WHOEVER-”_

_“Klingenmoe?” Pinoe narrowed her eyes in confusion, “Ashlyn and Ali are the ones on the phone.”_

_Hope immediately crossed the room and physically removed Pinoe herself, a string of curses leaving her mouth as Pinoe shoved the camera in her face. Amidst all the chaos, a new tiny human was finally born. After immediate family had their chance to spend time with the newborn, Pinoe showed up- go pro and all._

_“Alrighty, new mommies, say hello!!!” Pinoe cooed as she focused the video camera onto the little family._

_Hope inhaled sharply, “Seriously? You’re still going to film this?” She protectively glared from her spot next to Kelley on the bed._

_Kelley nudged Hope softly and chuckled, “It’s okay, babe…everything’s calmed down now. We’ll appreciate it later when we can just send one video to the entire team.” Hope just gave in and nodded reluctantly.”_

_“D’awww! Look at you, Momma KO! You’re glowing.” Pinoe complimented. Hope rolled her eyes in disapproval. Pinoe scoffed, “Can’t say much for grumpy Mama Solo here.”_

_“Don’t test me, Pinoe.” Hope glared straight at her teammate._

_Kelley tugged on Hope’s shirt, trying to simmer down the anger filled in Hope’s voice. “Hope, let’s just enjoy this moment, okay? Here, hold your little girl.” Kelley offered, knowing that their little girl would settle Hope’s worries immediately._

_Hope gently cradled the little bundle in her arms, holding it as close to her body as possible; Kelley was right- their little girl could soften her in a heartbeat. She looked down and fixed the blanket so she could get the best view of her daughter, memorizing every detail of her tiny little face- Kelley’s eyes, Kelley’s nose, Kelley’s lips…Kelley’s everything. Hope was in love. Completely lost in her daughter, she murmured, “I can’t wait to get to know you, kiddo.”_

_Pinoe smiled at the moment between mother and daughter, moving closer and zooming in on the small bundle. She asked, “So, does the newest little gal have a name yet?”_

_Kelley, her eyes never leaving Hope, softly introduced, “Everyone, meet Henley Amelia O’Hara.”_

_“Wait what?” Pinoe asked in surprise. “What happened to naming her Megan? What the fuck, guys?” Pinoe immediately covered her mouth with her hand, knowing that the small curse she had let out was a huge mistake. It was too late._

_“You’re endgame.” Hope quickly returned Henley into Kelley’s arms before grabbing the go pro atop the selfie stick and flicking it to the side, chasing Pinoe out of the room._

_Kelley looked down at the newborn in her arms, laughing softly, “Well, kiddo, that was your Aunty Pinoe. If your mother lets her live, you’ll go on lots of adventures with her…and a whole bunch of your other aunties as well. They’re all crazy. We’re all crazy, and we’re most definitely not perfect. Even though I’m 90% sure that some form of profanity will be your first word, you’re in a lot of good hands…I promise.”_

_//_

_“I can’t wait to get to know you, kid.”_

Still standing from afar, that statement left a bitter taste on Hope’s tongue as she realized she had failed to do that. Henley was seven years old now and Hope didn’t know one thing about her. Yet, she still had the desire to know her, just like the one she had the day she was born. Hope quietly vowed to herself that she was going to know Henley better now.

 

“Knowing you is going to be my greatest accomplishment yet.” Hope whispered firmly, hoping her statement, or perhaps promise, would carry across the field to her little girl.

 

And oh it sure did.

 

Because for some unknown reason, the young seven year old glued to Kelley felt the sudden inclination to pull away and turn around. Henley found herself staring into the darkest and bluest eyes she’d ever seen. Right there, she made a choice.

 

And with that choice, Henley felt the corners of her mouth turn upward into the biggest, most playful, classic, one and only O’Hara grin.

 


	10. See You In Seattle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley and Hope talk about the next step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more or less a filler chapter, but I hope you enjoy it nevertheless :) Looking forward to more drama ahead!

 

 

Henley stared tentatively at the tall, distant woman, not wanting to blink just in case this was all a dream. She felt herself begin to tremble with excitement. As every second passed, Henley pulled herself back to reality. She blinked- and the blue eyes were still staring right back at her. This wasn’t a dream. There she was.

 

_Her mom._

 

Henley felt the corners of her mouth turn upward and a grin break across her face. The woman across the field responded with a soft smile. _She’s really pretty,_ Henley thought to herself. She found herself completely enthralled with the adult, but even more so mesmerized by what the deep blue eyes seemed to reflect. They swirled with fear and eagerness and guilt. Her mother seemed apologetic. Henley couldn’t quite figure out why, but she didn’t care. She wanted more than anything to run across the field and greet the mother she had always dreamed of knowing. Instead, she felt herself tugging on the jersey beside her.

 

Kelley looked down at her daughter’s pair of hands clenching the end of her shirt. Her voice filled with confusion, “Henley, what are you-”

 

“Momma, look…” Henley pointed across the field.

 

Kelley immediately looked up, her eyes narrowing in on the direction at which Henley pointed at. Her brow furrowed, she questioned, “Uh…what am I supposed to be looking at exactly?”

 

Kelley’s question caused Henley’s head to snap back in the direction she was pointing in rather than looking up at her mother. That half of the field was empty now. Realizing that Hope had disappeared, Henley sighed and murmured, “Never mind…”

 

Kelley raised an eyebrow at her daughter, but then turned her attention back to her teammates who had just begun to plan a postgame celebration dinner.

 

-

 

After the team dinner and dessert at the ice cream parlor that had followed, the mother daughter duo finally called it a night. After getting ready for bed herself, Kelley wandered over to where Henley was laying down and took a seat on her bed. She softly stroke the seven year old’s hair and smiled, “Did you have a fun week, Freckles?”

 

Henley nodded, yawning at the same time, “Uh…huh…”

 

Kelley couldn’t get over how adorable Henley could be when she was tired. It was something she always loved about the little girl. Kelley’s smile only grew wider as she pointed out, “You seemed to get along well with Rylie and Reece.”

 

Henley nodded again, “Mhm…it was fun. I’m going to miss them.”

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll see them again when we visit Aunty Carli in New Jersey.” Kelley then observed, “Reminds you of all the travelling we used to do, doesn’t it?”

 

“Yeah.” Henley yawned again.

 

“I’m glad we don’t do that anymore though…I know we’ve only been here for a week, but I already miss home. I can’t wait to get back.”

 

“Me too.” Henley buried her head further into her pillow.

 

Kelley leaned down and kissed the little girl’s forehead, noticing how exhausted she really was. She whispered, “Well, get some sleep. We have a pretty early flight in the morning.”

 

Henley closed her eyes before softly whispering back, “I love you, momma.”

 

“I love you too, Freckles.” Kelley said in return before getting into her own bed and shutting off the light.

 

Henley was far past exhausted and though she felt her body willing itself to sleep, her mind was wide awake. She couldn’t stop thinking about what happened after the game. They had made eye contact and her mother’s expression was forever etched into her mind. Henley was intrigued by the mysterious woman, and even more so intrigued at her quick disappearance. For goodness sake, she was only seven years old and she really didn’t know what to think of her- what to think of this all.

 

She found herself whispering into the darkness, “Momma?”

 

Kelley, still awake, responded instantly, “Yeah?”

 

Henley swallowed back her nerves, but they still got the best of her. She sighed, “Uh…never mind…good night.”

 

“Good night, Henley.” Kelley’s voice echoed in return.

 

Kelley, too, was exhausted and just as she felt herself drifting off, she felt a small figure crawl into bed beside her. She smiled and didn’t think much of the act as Henley often loved cuddling close to Kelley whenever she could. Kelley usually didn’t mind the extra snuggles knowing that one day they’d fade away. However, this particular night, Henley was preventing her from proper rest. Every two minutes, Henley would toss and turn in her position, letting Kelley know that she was wide awake.

 

Kelley sighed and rolled over to face her restless daughter. “Alright, Henley, spill it…what’s bothering you?”

 

Her eyes adjusting to the darkness, Henley stared into Kelley’s warm eyes and muttered, “I think I saw Mommy today.”

 

If she hadn’t been awake before, Kelley was now. She was speechless, “Oh…”

 

Henley recollected the event, “I saw her after the game.”

 

Kelley suddenly realized why Henley had been trying to get her attention earlier that day. She asked worriedly, “Did you…did you speak with her?”

 

“No…”

 

“Oh, okay.” Kelley internally sighed in relief.

 

“But I wanted to.” Henley’s statement echoed off the walls, loud and clear.

 

Kelley really didn’t want to have this conversation at the moment, so she replied vaguely, “Maybe some other time…” She still hadn’t made her decision and hoped that Henley would accept her response and go to bed.

 

But of course, just moments later, Henley asked, “Momma?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Have you talked to Mommy ever since she got here?”

 

Kelley knew there wasn’t a way to avoid this anymore and definitely was not going to lie anymore. There had been enough lying in the past. She admitted softly, “Yes…I have.”

 

“Did she ask about me?”

 

“Yes.” Kelley let out quietly.

 

“Yes?” Henley suddenly sat up in the dark, questions bombarding her mind, “What did she say? Does she want to meet me?”

 

Kelley looked up at her daughter’s excited face and sighed again, “She might’ve mentioned it…”

 

“Yeah?!” Henley bounced in her position and urged for more answers, “What did you say, Momma? Did you tell her I wanted to meet her too?!”

 

“Well…not exactly.” Kelley propped herself up on her forearms, so that she was more level with her wide awake seven year old. “I told her I would think about it…I wanted to talk with you first.” Kelley half-lied.

 

“YES!” Henley squealed. “I want to meet her!”

 

Kelley was taken aback by the young girl’s outburst and slightly scolded, “Shhh, Henley, you might wake up the people next door.”

 

“Sorry.” Henley let out in a loud whisper. “I want to meet Mommy.”

 

Kelley weakly smiled, understanding Henley’s excitement and innocence. She sighed, “I’ll think about it, kiddo.”

 

“Please, Momma. I bet we’d have so much. We can spend one whole day together! We can make waffles in the morning and then go to the park. Oh! I can show her all the books in my room. Do you think she likes to read? I wonder what kind of books she likes. We’re going to have the best time every! You, me, and Mommy!” Though it was dark, Henley’s excitement lit up her eyes.

 

“Whoa, slow down…” Kelley was suddenly overwhelmed by Henley’s proclamations.

 

Henley noticed the somber look on Kelley’s face and felt her own excitement decrease. She looked down and asked, “Are you saying no?” Henley’s voice filled with disappointment, “Momma, please…”

 

“Like I said, Henley, I’ll think about it.” Kelley repeated, knowing she wasn’t in the right state of mind to make the decision at the moment. She added though, “I’m not saying no…I just…Henley, we really need to get to bed. We have to wake up early.”

 

“Fine…” Henley grumbled as she plopped back down, her head crashing against the pillow. She pleaded, “But please think about it, okay?”

 

“I will, I will…” Kelley gently reassured her.

 

Not more than a minute later, Henley’s voice filled the room again, “Momma?”

 

“What now?” Kelley’s voice was laced with slight annoyance.

 

“Do you think Mommy likes berries, syrup, or whip cream on her waffles?”

 

The innocence of Henley’s question almost made Kelley chuckle, but she quickly caught herself. Kelley replied truthfully, surprising herself that she still knew that answer. “All of the above.”

 

“Me too!” Henley exclaimed in a whisper. “I like all that stuff on my waffles too! I wonder what kind of berries she likes…”

 

“Good night, Henley.” Kelley quickly cut off the young girl’s train of thought. She couldn’t help but smile- Henley was so much like her own self…so curious and intrigued by the one and only Hope Solo.

 

-

 

The following morning, Kelley found herself waking up early to finish up some last minute packing. As she threw things into her carry on, the conflict within her only grew louder and louder. She began to really contemplate whether or not she should allow Henley to meet Hope. She realized how silly that seemed, how unfair it actually was to the both of them. She couldn’t deprive Henley any longer of her mother, even if her history with Hope had endured a rocky path. Whether she liked it or not, Kelley knew she needed to have a conversation with Hope.

 

As if on cue, light knocking was heard at the door. Kelley crossed the room, opening it to reveal, well of course, Hope. She mentally shook her head at how perfect the timing was before closing the door behind her gently, giving Henley a little bit more time to sleep.

 

“Hey…” Kelley looked up at the taller brunette, “What are you doing up so early?”

 

“I need to talk to you.” Hope instantly blurted out, nervousness written across her face.

 

“Actually, I was just-”

 

Hope interrupted, “Kelley, I know you said you’d think about it and I’ve done my best to give you time, but I just really need to see Henley. I haven’t stopped thinking about her, well about the both of you, since I arrived. I feel like I deserve to see her. I’m sorry for bombarding you like this, but I had to catch you before you left. I knew that once you left that it would be really hard for me to get ahold of you guys again…Kell, I know I’ve screwed up in the past and there’s no making up for lost time, but I want to start over. I’m not asking you to…well I mean, I sort of am…I just…”

 

“ _Hope_.” Kelley put an end to Hope’s rambling- not just with her name, but by a touch to her hand.

 

Hope looked at the freckled woman before her in great anticipation. Kelley cleared her throat and let go of Hope’s hand from her own, “I…I was coming to look for you, actually.”

 

“You were?” Hope asked in surprise.

 

“I wasn’t going to leave without talking to you.” Kelley admitted.

 

“Oh.”

 

Hope was still impatient and pressured, “So have you given much thought to…you know?”

 

“I’m not going to keep you out of her life. That’s not fair of me.” Kelley finally made her decision, but pointed out honestly, “But I also can’t let you back into my life either.”

 

“Oh…right. Okay.” Hope just nodded, “I’ll take what I can get…even if it’s just a quick conversation this morning.”

 

“No…”

 

“No?” Hope’s voice filled with worry once again as she tilted her head in confusion.

 

“No, no…I…” Kelley fumbled over her words until she finally found the strength to suggest, “Come visit us.”

 

“Visit you?” Hope’s confusion was apparent, but quickly faded as she realized what Kelley had meant. Her eyes grew big as she confirmed, “What? Like in Seattle?”

 

“I mean, if you have time…” Kelley offered, not understanding why she was suddenly so nervous. “Henley doesn’t start school until September, so if you can find time to…”

 

“Yes.” Hope cut off Kelley, sort of in the same way that Henley had done just the previous night.

 

“Y…yeah?” Kelley realized how everything was becoming so real again. She breathed, “Okay.”

 

“Is next week too early?” Hope asked eagerly, “I mean, I’ll look at my schedule and the flights, and of course, let you know…”

 

“It’s fine, Hope.” Kelley had to stop herself from letting out a laugh at the flustered keeper in front of her. “We’re easy…we’re not going anywhere for the rest of the summer.”

 

Hope just stared at Kelley in disbelief, not believing how well this was all going. She confirmed again, “Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah…more or less.” Kelley thought about Henley and asserted, “I think it’ll be good for her…”

 

Hope was grinning stupidly as she blurted out, “God, I could kiss you right now.” As soon as the words left her mouth, color crept up her neck and she suddenly felt herself overheat. Kelley forced laughter in hopes to disintegrate the awkwardness.

 

Kelley sadly pointed out, “Look this doesn’t mean anything for us, you know that right? Everything that happened….the decisions we made…”

 

“I know.” Hope nodded gravely before stating, “I respect that.”

 

“I’m only doing this for Henley.” Kelley managed to stand her ground.

 

“I understand.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Good.”

 

The pair stood close to one another, the silence growing awkward yet again. Kelley looked back at the door in excuse, “I should..”

 

“Oh yeah…oh yeah, I’ll let you go.” Hope backed away slowly. “Have a safe flight.”

 

“Thanks.” Kelley nodded, placing her hand on the door handle, stopping right before going in.

 

“And Kell?”

 

“Yeah?” Kelley looked over her shoulder.

 

“See you in Seattle.”

 

“See you in Seattle.” Kelley nodded, turning around one last time and hiding the smile creeping back onto her face.

 


	11. Begin Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Henley meet for the first time.

 

Hope tossed her last belonging into the trunk before crossing over to the side of the car and buckling herself into the passenger seat. Making sure she didn’t leave anything behind, she placed both of her hands on her knees and let out a deep breath.

 

“How was your flight?” Pinoe greeted.

 

Hope responded, “Easy enough…quiet, for the most part.”

 

“That’s good…” Pinoe looked over her should before pulling back into oncoming traffic.

 

“So how’s the league? The team looking good this year?”

 

Pinoe, who had just become the Reign’s main media representative, nodded, “Yeah, yeah…we’re pretty solid. The last few years have been stagnant in terms of development, but we appear to be back on the upward trend. I wouldn’t be surprised if we make it to the championship game this year.”

 

“Good to hear…Harvey whipping everyone into shape like usual?”

 

“Of course. Would you expect anything less of her?” Pinoe joked, then continued, “Well the league’s changed quite a bit...I don’t know how much you know or have caught up with, but it’s pretty healthy nowadays. There have been three new team additions and I heard a Bay Area team is in the works too. I’m sure you heard about that when we were there a few weeks ago. Also, it’s not rare to see a packed Memorial Stadium. We sell out almost every game. Harvey’s been pushing for an expansion or perhaps even the use of Century Link Field.”

 

“Oh wow, that’s ambitious…but that’s great. I’m amazed by the growth of women’s soccer; my dream is finally coming true.” Hope sighed in content, thinking back to her core values and how she spent the majority of her life pushing for such growth and equality. She pointed out, “Still a lot to do, of course.”

 

“Yeah, but we’re headed in the right direction…I’m proud of us.” Pinoe reiterated Hope’s feelings. Clearing her throat, she changed the subject, “So how does it feel to be back?”

 

“It feels…right.” Hope’s voice faded, not knowing how else to describe her feelings.

 

Pinoe noticed and just put a hand on her old teammate’s shoulder, squeezing it as she smiled, “Welcome home, Solo.”

 

Hope nodded and smiled back in gratitude. Words failed to escape her mouth as she looked out the window, taking in the scenery around her. For the most part, everything had stayed the same. She felt herself fade into every passing evergreen tree, familiar side roads, and same old homes and buildings. Seattle had been home to her for years and she had forgotten how much she missed the city. The further they ended up in downtown, the more Hope felt herself become unsettled. With all the fond memories came the bad ones too. Once Pinoe pulled into the driveway of her home with Sera, the same one after all these years, Hope couldn’t help but think of the last time she was there- the devastation that had ensued at her friend’s doorstep. Pinoe took the key out of the ignition, sitting in silence with her friend and allowing ample time for her to soak everything in.

 

Hope eventually broke the silence and acknowledged, “Thanks for letting me stay with you.”

 

“Of course, Hope…no worries.” Pinoe reassured the suddenly solemn keeper next to her.

 

“And thanks for being so kind to me…after everything.” Hope sighed, “It means a lot.”

 

“Of course,” Pinoe repeated. Not wanting to overstep boundaries, she reasonably asked, “Does anyone else know you’re in town?”

 

“Just you and Kelley.” Hope mumbled before quietly scoffing, “I’d be dead if anyone else knew.”

 

“Well never mind about them; they don’t have a say.” Pinoe shrugged, shaking her head at the lack of maturity shown by the rest of their former team, as made evident when they were together in San Francisco. She stared straight at the woman beside her, “Hope, you’ve been through a lot and although I don’t know details, I’m not one to assume and jump to conclusions. No one should go through this alone, no matter what they did or didn’t do. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s still one person who’s willing to show up for you…I’m here for you.”

 

“Thank you, Megan.” Hope felt so incredibly lucky to know such a level headed individual.

 

“And just so you know, I’ve never stopped rooting for you guys. I really hope this all works out…you know, with Henley and all.” Pinoe took the moment to add in her two cents.

 

“I hope so too…”

 

-

 

“Does she have any pets?!” Henley shouted from where she was getting ready in her bathroom.

 

Kelley, who was in her own bedroom just down the hallway, chuckled at yet another question from her all too excited little girl. She yelled back, “I don’t know about now, but she used to!”

 

“What kind?!” Henley’s voice echoed down the hallway.

 

“Dogs, cats…and I guess, the chickens, if you want to count those.” Kelley reminisced.

 

Henley suddenly appeared at the doorway of Kelley’s bedroom, a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth and her eyes widening in disbelief, “Really?! Chickens???”

 

“Yeah, she loved those little terrors…” Kelley hadn’t been terribly fond of the chickens, but remembered how happy they made Hope.

 

“I like chickens too!” Henley managed to get out as she continued to brush her teeth. “But I also want a puppy…oh, a turtle too!”

 

“Let’s stick with Mr. Bubbles for now…if we can keep a goldfish alive for more than a month, I’ll think about upgrading to a turtle, or maybe even a dog.” Kelley suggested.

 

“Oh! If Mommy had to choose right now, do you think she’d want a puppy or a turtle? What would she name it?”

 

Kelley couldn’t believe the bursts of questions coming out of her daughter. She admitted, “I don’t have all the answers, you know. Soon you can ask her yourself.”

 

Henley smiled and nodded vigorously, but still managed to think of another question, “Wait, what is Mommy’s favorite animal?”

 

Kelley was trying to contain her amusement, but quickly instructed, “Alright, let’s play a game. It’s called ‘No asking questions for the next hour’…sound good?” Henley scrunched up her face, taking her toothbrush out of her mouth to stick out her tongue. Kelley couldn’t help but laugh, “Don’t sass me, Freckles...go finish brushing your teeth, and hurry up and get dressed. We’re going to be late.”

 

With that, Henley ran back down the hallway to finish getting ready. Kelley waited patiently, with her car keys and purse in hand. Moments later, she noticed Henley trudging down the hallway with an overstuffed backpack.

 

Kelley raised her eyebrows in confusion, “Freckles, what’s that?”

 

“Things I want to show Mommy.” Henley shrugged as she let the backpack fall heavily to her feet. She explained, “I have my favorite book, my stuffed squirrel, my school binder, my water bottle, some chocolate…uhm…oh, I have my soccer ball that you got me when I was really little because Mommy like’s soccer a lot, right?”

 

Kelley watched as Henley continued to reach further into her bag. She shook her head once again, “Oh my goodness, kiddo. Here’s what is going to happen- you’re going to bring all that and then get tired and make me carry the rest of it. Only bring what you can hold yourself.”

 

Henley looked at her overflowing backpack and grumbled, “Fine…”

 

Kelley added, “Go unpack all of it, and make sure to put everything back where they belong!” She laughed quietly to herself as Henley dejectedly turned around and dragged the backpack back to her room. She then felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

 

_Hope: We’re still on for breakfast, right?_

_Kelley: Yeah…if we ever make it out the door. Sorry, Henley’s being extra slow this morning.”_

_Hope: No worries! I can wait…the bakery is on Pike Street, right?”_

_Kelley: You forgot about the best breakfast spot in town?!_

_Hope: No! Never! I just wanted to be sure…you never know._

Kelley looked up from her phone, realizing that Henley had returned. She asked, “You ready now?”

 

“Yup!”

 

Kelley was about to follow Henley out into the garage when her phone began to vibrate again. She called out, “Hey, go get yourself buckled in…I’ll be out in a second.” Henley nodded in response as she opened the car door.

 

Kelley looked down at her phone and brought it to her ear, “Someone’s nervous, am I right?”

 

Hope exhaled deeply, “Extremely.”

 

“Don’t be.” Kelley simply stated, though she said that as comfort for her own self as well.

 

Hope paused for a moment before sighing, “I just…I don’t know what to expect. What if she hates me, Kell?”

 

 _“Momma, hurry up!!!”_ Henley’s voice was heard from within the car.

 

Kelley chuckled to herself, “Trust me, Hope…everything will be just fine.” She was surprised at her own self for handling everything so well.

 

“How are you not nervous?” Hope couldn’t help but wonder aloud. She hadn’t just called due to her nerves; she was also hoping to get some read on Kelley. She wanted to get a sense of the younger woman’s thoughts on all this.

 

Hoping that her wariness wasn’t too evident, Kelley answered, “Because…I…look, I’m not going to lie. There’s a lot I’m unsure about when it comes to you and I, but I know for a fact that you’d never hurt her. Hope, you never did…that was never your intention and I know that. I trust you when it comes to Henley.”

 

Hope felt relief wash over her. She was glad Kelley seemed all for her meeting Henley. There was a lot they would have to work through, and Hope doubted they would even get the chance to, but at least when it came to their daughter, they could agree on something. She quietly responded, “Thanks, Kell…that means a lot.”

 

“Okay, we’re really going to be late now…I’ll text you when we get there, okay?” Kelley looked over at the car where Henley was making all sorts of gestures for her to hurry up.

 

“Yeah, okay. See you soon.”

 

“See you.”

 

-

 

Hope found herself checking her watch every other minute as she stood near the entrance of the small hole in the wall restaurant. She had just received a text from Kelley alerting her that they were trying to find parking. Her thoughts were flying at millions of miles per hour and she couldn’t get a grip. She couldn’t believe how much a seven year old was stressing her out. She loved kids, but Henley was different…she was _hers._ This terrified Hope more than the moment she found out Kelley was pregnant, or even the day Henley was born. Hope realized that she also had to think about Kelley. While she wanted to be a part of her daughter’s life, she also didn’t want to over step; she didn’t want to cross, or even contaminate, the special bond that Kelley and Henley had. There needed to be a balance, and Hope had no idea how to achieve that. Kelley had been so cooperative with all this that it seemed almost unreal. Hope had thought that she would’ve been more wary about allowing her to spend some time with Henley. Yet again, maybe Kelley was- and she just couldn’t tell.

 

After checking her phone for any new messages, Hope looked up and felt her senses heighten all at once. There they were, hand in hand. Hope made eye contact with Kelley, too afraid to even glance at the little girl walking next to her.

 

Once they reached her, Hope felt herself fall to her knees slowly, wanting to be on the same level as Henley. She allowed herself to get lost in the small pair of hazel eyes as she greeted in the gentlest manner as possible, “Hi, Henley…my name is Hope.”

 

Kelley looked down at the freckled replica of herself, noticing how quiet and nervous she had become. Kelley suddenly felt herself second guessing everything. Maybe Henley hadn’t been ready for this. Yet, when Henley looked up at her with wide eyes, Kelley couldn’t help but squeeze her hand and nod in encouragement.

 

Still on her knees, Hope felt herself grow weaker and weaker. It felt like eternity as she waited for some response, for some indication that her visit to Seattle would be worth it. Her heart beat become irregular and faster, stopping all at once when a soft squeal came out of Henley’s mouth.

 

“Mommy!” Henley gushed as she threw herself onto the former goalkeeper. Burying herself into the Hope’s chest, she muttered almost inaudibly, “You came home.”

 

Hope felt Henley completely latch on to her, almost causing her to lose her balance, but she held on to the little girl firmly. She felt her arms slowly wrap around her small figure, her hands cupping her little head in the crook of her shoulder. Hope finally felt herself breath again, letting out a sigh of relief and all her reservations. She closed her eyes and hugged Henley tight, savoring the moment where she finally felt her life fall back into place; her life beginning again. Still holding her daughter close, Hope then looked up at Kelley who just stood over them. Kelley gave her the softest smile and the glistening of her eyes was enough to send Hope over the edge. Tears, encompassing every emotion she had felt over the last seven years, fell freely as she felt Henley gently pull away.

 

Her arms still around Hope’s neck, Henley frowned, “Mommy, why are you crying? Are you sad? Or are you happy? Momma says that sometimes people cry when they’re happy, so maybe you’re crying happy tears.”

 

Still trying to get used to the feel of Henley’s touch and the way she said her name with concern, Hope quickly wiped her tears away and let out a hearty, genuine laugh, “They’re definitely happy tears…don’t worry.”

 

Henley allowed for Hope to stand up, but held firmly onto her hand. Going on just like it were any other normal day, Henley dragged Hope towards the doorway to the restaurant, innocently announcing, “Come on, Mommy! I heard you like waffles- me too! Let’s get waffles together.”

 

Hope chuckled as she felt herself get tugged forward, but with the thought of boundaries still at the back of her mind, she looked over her shoulder back at Kelley, who too was laughing at the young girl’s fascination with Hope. Kelley quickly caught up with the pair and stood on her tippy toes to let out a hushed whisper for only Hope to hear.

 

“I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it- they finally met! Any thoughts? I actually had a lot more planned for this chapter, but decided to split it into upcoming chapters since it started to get overwhelming...hope you enjoyed it nevertheless :)


	12. Fort Building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley get a glimpse at the family life they could’ve had these last seven years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a day late...but hope you enjoy nevertheless!

 

“So these are called heirloom tomatoes,” Hope informed the young girl by her side as she picked up the round fruit in her hand, “They’re perfect for the pasta sauce we’re making tonight…in fact, they’re the only tomatoes I’ll use.”

 

Henley held open the plastic bag for Hope to drop the tomatoes in. She looked up at her mother, her eyes shining with excitement, “This is going to taste so yummy!”

 

“I’ve got this recipe down, trust me….hmm, oh, here’s a bunch of basil. We’ll need that too.” Hope said as she handed the herbs to Henley.

 

Kelley watched from the side, noticing how well the pair was getting along. Henley had been following Hope around the farmer’s market all morning like a little puppy and seemed to always have a grip on the end of Hope’s shirt, as if she were scared to let her go. Kelley couldn’t help but smile; Henley was a sweet little girl.

 

Hope continued to walk through the market, seeking out the booth of her favorite local pasta makers in the Seattle area. When she had lived there, they had been her go to place for freshly made noodles. She eventually came across the booth and sighed to herself, “Wow, this takes me back…I used to stop by here all the time.”

 

The man at the cashier instantly recognized his customers and greeted, “Why hello there, little miss Henley!” The clerk tipped his hat off to the seven year old.

 

“Hi Mr. Henrie!” Henley giggled and waved before acknowledging Hope, who was surprised at the little encounter, “Mr. Henrie, this is my other Mommy.”

 

“Nice to meet you.” Hope smiled before looking down at Henley in wonder, “How do you know him?”

 

Before either Henley or Kelley could respond, Mr. Henrie exclaimed, “They’re some of our favorite customers, always coming by every month for our fresh pasta. Speaking of which, here you go.” He handed Henley a small box.

 

“Yay! Thank you!” Henley now informed Hope, “This is my favorite type, Mommy.”

 

Noticing the box labeled “penne” in Henley’s hands was her favorite type as well, Hope softly agreed, “Mine too, kiddo…” Hope was rendered speechless, surprised by what just happened. After finding her words again, she eyed Kelley and observed, “You carried on the tradition.”

 

Kelley just shrugged, “It’s good pasta, what can I say?”

 

Hope pressed further, “Yeah, but…you knew how much I wanted to infuse my Italian heritage into my, well, our kids’ lives one day. You remembered.”

 

Kelley felt herself melt under Hope’s stare, but did her best to avoid sentimentality anyways. Trying to hide the wary feelings arising inside her, she joked, “Hey, I just get the pasta…your sauce is way too complicated for me to make, honestly.”

 

Hope looked past Kelley’s humor and her voice filled with sincerity, “Thanks for doing that for me, Kell.”

 

Kelley just nodded, not sure what else she could say without things escalating. As Hope and Henley continued to walk through the market, she couldn’t help but trail a little bit behind. _For me_. Hope’s voice echoed through her mind. Unsettling feelings began to fill Kelley as she was determined to keep things platonic between her and the keeper. She was happy that some sort of connection was forming between Hope and their daughter, but she also didn’t need for Hope to get any ideas about them. Sure, maybe there were some things, some little reminders of Hope, that Kelley had held onto. After all, Hope had been a huge part of her life; it would be impossible to imagine life without her. Still, Kelley didn’t want Hope to think that she was trying to lead her on, that just maybe the keeper had always been on her mind.

 

Kelley managed to make it through the remainder of the day without succumbing to her thoughts until she had excused herself after dinner to do some media scheduling for the Reign. About an hour into her office work, the louder Henley’s giggling and Hope’s laugh spread throughout the house, and the more Kelley became distracted by her earlier thoughts once again.

 

She really didn’t know what to think; she was conflicted. She was more than happy that Henley had taken a great liking to Hope and that for once, Hope seemed genuine in her actions to get to know their little one. But what did this mean for her? If Hope was now officially part of their lives for the sake of Henley, that placed the two of them in a dangerous position. Kelley knew deep down that Hope didn’t just come back for Henley; she came back to perhaps take one more shot at their relationship and salvage whatever was left. At first thought, Kelley refused for this to happen. She knew she had to stand by the decision she had made all those years ago, but that simply wasn’t how her and Hope worked. The truth was that with close proximity came weakness and they often just couldn’t help themselves. Kelley racked her brain for the majority of the evening and eventually she had gotten herself so deep into dissecting her relationship with Hope that she found herself thinking about what could’ve gone different, constantly circling back to what if.

 

What if, after Rio, they never crashed from the high?

 

// August 2016

 

_Sitting across from Kelley at a table in an airport Starbucks, Hope’s brow raised at the sheer happiness radiating from the younger woman’s face. She couldn’t help but smirk, “What?”_

_“We did it…again.”_

_“Still not over it, are you?” Hope chuckled._

_“Well are you?!” Kelley exclaimed before jokingly accusing, “I know you’ve won plenty of gold medals and golden gloves, so this is probably just another normal happening in the life of the great Hope Solo, but hey, I’m pretty proud of my second Olympic gold medal.”_

_“I never said I wasn’t proud!” Hope shook her head before her tone became more serious, “No, but really…I can’t believe it either. I never imagined winning gold back to back in two of the biggest tournaments. It’s surreal.”_

_Kelley loved talking to Hope about these sort of thing; she could do this forever. She would never get tired of the sparkle in Hope’s eyes that reflected all her goals and dreams. Still grinning stupidly at the keeper, she couldn’t help but softly point out, “The Olympics is so good to us, isn’t it?_

_Hope recognized the shift in momentum of the conversation. Kelley wasn’t talking about the game anymore. She just nodded in agreement, “It really is…”_

_Kelley swallowed hard, forcing herself to continue, “I guess it’ll be nice to be home soon…”_

_Hope sighed deeply, not ready to part from the younger woman once again. With the craziness of the last few days, they hadn’t gotten a chance to talk about what moving forward for the two of them looked like. But Hope knew for a fact that she couldn’t wait to be with Kelley again. “Yeah, it’ll be nice to have a break, even if it’s just for the weekend.”_

_Kelley couldn’t hold it in any longer and exhaled, “I’ll miss you.”_

_“I’ll miss you too…we’ll be together again in just a few days. We’ll be alright.”_

_“I hate this part.” Kelley mumbled under her breath._

_Hope searched for Kelley’s hand under the table and squeeze it tight, doing everything she could to reassure her. “I miss you” wouldn’t cut it this time around. Noticing that Kelley had shifted her glance to avoid eye contact, Hope urged, “Kell, look at me…I love you.”_

_Kelley’s eyes met Hope’s as soon as she heard those words. Though she was reluctant based on their shaky history, she returned the affection and placed all her trust in Hope once again. “I love you too.”_

_Their moment was short lived as the airport intercom alerted them of current boarding protocols. Kelley looked away again, hating the fact that this was yet another goodbye. She murmured, “You better get going before you miss your flight.”_

_Hope didn’t say anything as she quietly stood up and gathered her belongings. While her flight was in the midst of boarding, Kelley’s one didn’t leave for another hour. She didn’t really know what else to do or say to comfort the suddenly somber brunette, and usually, she’d just leave without another word to make it easier for the both of them. But out of the corner of her eye, Hope noticed Kelley deep in thought, blinking a few tears away. Hope felt herself panic from within, knowing exactly what was bothering the younger woman- it was bothering her too. Yet, she pushed it to the back of her mind and leaned down to stroke the orderly mess of Kelley’s hair. Hope pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head, repeating in a whisper once again, “I love you, Kelley.”_

_Hope had managed to get through boarding the plane without letting her feelings get the best of her. But as the captain’s voice was heard throughout the plane, indicating the final boarding call, everything hit Hope all at once. She thought that thought it was hard, they’d go their separate ways and be okay. But would they really though? That’s what had been on Kelley’s mind earlier. That’s what had made Kelley’s expression drop from a ten to a zero. Knowing of their track record before, the defender really had no reason to believe Hope when she assured her that they’d be okay._

_Hope fumbled with her seatbelt and popped up into the aisle way. Taking her bags from the overhead compartment, she quickly informed the attendants of her departure before rushing out of the plane. As she ran through terminal after terminal, her heart raced faster and her mind taunted her at the ridiculous of such a grand gesture. She finally arrived at the gate departing for Atlanta, just catching the younger woman in line, ready to board her own flight. Hope ran up from behind and grasped Kelley’s arm, pulling her to the side._

_Kelley gasped in surprise, eyes widening in disbelief, “Hope! What are you-”_

_“I can’t go back to Seattle.” Hope breathed heavily._

_“What?” Kelley asked in confusion, “What are you talking about?”_

_“I…I…” Hope was still out of breath, but managed to get out, “I can’t go, not without you…”_

_This time, it was Kelley who would stay strong. Though she had been devastated not too long ago, she had convinced herself to keep her head up and not overthink things. She tried to laugh it off, “Don’t sweat it, Solo. It’s just 72 hours. You can make do without me.”_

_“No, I know that…and that’s not what I mean.” Hope’s eyes searched for comfort as she nervously continued, “This is all too familiar to me. The Olympics, winning gold, the celebrations, going our separate ways…me to Seattle, you to Atlanta.”_

_“Well, you’re not wrong…” Kelley kept her tone light and playful._

_“And I hate it.” Hope stated aloud. “Because if I get on that plane and you get on this one, I’m afraid that history will repeat itself...that you and I won’t make it.”_

_Kelley fell silent, knowing that this conversation was inevitable. She tried to convince the two of them and with optimism laced in her voice, she said, “This…this isn’t like last time, Hope. It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”_

_“I just…I can’t do this. I can’t get on that plane without knowing…that we…” Hope stumbled profusely over her words._

_Realizing the genuine turmoil inside Hope, Kelley took hold of her hand. She suggested, “Look, if it really makes you happy, you can come with me to Georgia? Or I can with you to Seattle? Either works. I just-”_

_“Marry me?” Hope suddenly interrupted, her voice cracking in question._

_Kelley shot her a look of skepticism before looking around herself. She lowered her voice, “I’m sorry, did you just…” Her voice trailed off as Hope began to nod her head in excitement, loving the way the unexpected request had rolled off her tongue._

_The question becoming more of a statement, Hope repeated in determination, “Marry me.”_

_Kelley was still in shock and asked in reason, “Are you serious right now?”_

_Hope laughed quietly to herself, realizing the ridiculous of her spontaneity. Out of all place, here they she was in a jammed pack airport, one of her least favorite places in the world, asking the woman who had captured her heart to marry her. How romantic._

_Hope tried to explain her rationale, “Kell, I know this might seem like I’m doing this on a whim, and yeah it’s spontaneous, but I’ve been thinking about this, I swear.”_

_“Hope-”_

_“And it’s not just been over these past couple weeks. I’ve entertained this idea since the moment I met you because I just knew; I knew we were special. Deep down, I’ve always known that you and I would-”_

_“Will you just stop rambling and let me get a word in?” Kelley interjected, silencing Hope instantly. Noticing the anxiety rising in the goalkeeper in front of her, Kelley let out a small laugh. She murmured a resounding, “Yes.”_

_“What?” Hope’s eyes shot up._

_“Yes, you rambling idiot…of course I’ll marry you.” Kelley’s face broke out into the biggest smile as she jumped into the keeper’s arms, wrapping her legs around her and burying her face into the side of her neck._

_Completely wrapped up in each other, Kelley and Hope realized that little corner of the airport had just suddenly become the most romantic place in the universe._

-

 

Kelley continued to reminiscence on the past. She couldn’t help but laugh to herself at the events that had followed. Hope ended up flying home with her to Georgia, where they decided to get married that weekend, in front of Kelley’s immediate family. After the weekend, the newlyweds reconvened with the team in New York to do all sorts of press events. Everyone was exhausted, running on just a few hours of sleep each. Kelley would forever remember their first meeting once they had all touched down in the city. Everyone seemed to be joking in some manner about how they were just way overbooked and how none of them could handle another celebration. Of course, Hope and Kelley, right there and then decided it was the perfect time to announce their marriage. Again, Kelley chuckled to herself as she thought back on the looks on everyone’s faces. The room had fallen silent, a rare occasion when it came to their loud personality as the national team. One third of the team were completely delirious, thinking it was a joke, one third of the team overwhelmed the couple with shouts of “I knew it!” and finally, the last third of the team was rendered speechless. A few outliers, namely Carli and Alex, expressed their frustration that they had not been invited, nevertheless informed, of such an event.

 

While she would always consider that a fond memory in their relationship, Kelley grounded herself back into the present and sadly realized how different things were now. The team that had been so happy and just so _for_ them was now completely fed up in frustration. Now, they all mutually ostracized Hope. Just thinking about this sent a wave of guilt crashing over Kelley. It wasn’t really her teammates fault; they didn’t know the truth. A truth that Kelley should’ve shed light on years ago if she had not been a coward herself.

 

Shaking off her thoughts, Kelley realized how quiet the house had gotten and left her office in search for Hope and Henley. She eventually reached Henley’s room and peeking in led her to realize that it wasn’t really much of a bedroom anymore. It had been rearranged into a fort.

 

Kelley dropped to her hands and knees, crawling over to peek her head in between the draping of sheets. The sight before her softened her heart. Henley laid asleep against Hope’s chest, her hand sprawled protectively across Hope’s waist. Hope, who was still awake, stared at Kelley like she was a deer caught in headlights, afraid to move an inch. Kelley couldn’t help but laugh at the little girls’ invasion of personal space. Hope’s eyes widened as she brought a finger to her mouth, signaling Kelley to be quiet.

 

Kelley just rolled her eyes before gently crawling further into the mess of sheets and to the other side of Henley. Propping herself up against the pillows and sheets, she looked around in amazement. She teased, “I’d give this fort a B+. Solid effort, Solo.” 

 

Now it was Hope’s turn to roll her eyes. She whispered in return, playing along, “Oh, I can’t take the credit for this masterpiece. Henley’s the real architect behind it all.”

 

“That’s my girl…” Kelley nodded approvingly.

 

“There’s something about you O’Haras and forts.” Hope pointed out.

 

Kelley grinned, “I’ve taught her well, haven’t I?”

 

“You sure have.” Hope replied, realizing how well Kelley raised their little girl.

 

Kelley observed, “I can’t believe she convinced you to make a fort...it took me being your roommate for a whole week before you allowed me to make one in our room.”

 

It was suffice to say that when the two of them had woken up that very morning, neither of them thought they’d more or less be in the same situation as they were in London so many years ago, surrounded by a myriad of sheets in some makeshift fort.

 

Hope smiled at the fond memory, “Well, I don’t think I could ever say no to her.”

 

“She tends to have that effect on people.”

 

Hope gently removed a strand of hair that had fallen in Henley’s face before softly murmuring, “She’s perfect, Kell.”

 

“I know.” Kelley whispered back as she shifted her attention to a perfectly content Henley.

 

The two parents looked down in affection over the seven year old between them. They stared at her in silence for quite some time, both knowing that this was something they could’ve had if things had panned out differently. This would’ve probably been a typical night in their household if they were still together.

 

Interrupting their thoughts, Hope finally shifted slightly and breathed, “It’s been a long day…I should get going.”

 

Kelley nodded in understanding, “Okay.”

 

As Hope tried to pry herself away from the little girl, Henley only tightened her grip on Hope’s shirt and cuddled in closer. Hope softly whispered, “Henley, I have to go now…”

 

Her eyes still closed, Henley just groaned in protest, “No. Mommy, stay…”

 

“Henley, I…”

 

Kelley quickly interrupted, “It’s okay, Hope….don’t leave.” Realizing she had blurted that all out way too fast for her own liking, she stuttered, “I…I mean, it’s up to you.”

 

Hope tilted her head and questioned, “Are you sure?”

 

“Yea…you might wake up tomorrow with a sore back, but you’re welcome to stay if you want.”

 

“Okay…” Hope nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Wrapping her arms tighter around Henley and settling in back into the comfort of the pillows and sheets, she breathed in Henley’s scent, kissing the side of her head in reassurance for the little girl.

 

“I’ll stay.”


	13. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley can’t seem to ignore the attraction they’ve always had for each other.

 

Dressed in her favorite pair of sweats and quickly brushing loose strands of hair from her face, Kelley opened the door to reveal Hope standing with two cups of coffee in hand.

 

“Oh thank god you brought coffee.” Kelley immediately reached for a cup.

 

Stepping through the entryway, Hope’s brows furrowed together, “Good morning to you too.”

 

“You have no idea how much I need this right now.”

 

“Long week? Henley giving you a hard time this morning?”

 

“No, no…she’s not quite awake yet. I just got up a little early to make breakfast.” Kelley turned around, motioning Hope to follow her into the kitchen. “I can’t seem to get the hang of this damn pancake recipe!”

 

“Pancakes? Seriously, Kell? They’re not that hard to make.”

 

“I know! But Henley asked me last night if we could try something different than the regular Betty Crocker mix I buy. I don’t know where this child has developed such a diverse appetite! If I had it my way, I’d throw some cheerios in a bowl, pour some milk over it, and call it good.” Kelley complained as she stared long and hard at the recipe on her phone.

 

Hope just shook her head at the messy kitchen around her and the flustered woman standing amidst it all. She asked, “Well what kind of pancakes are you trying to make?”

 

“Lemon ricotta pancakes…I googled different pancake recipes and this was one of the first things to pop up. It seemed easy enough, but my first batch resulted in these odd looking citrus lumps. They tasted as bad as they looked.” Hope let out a small laugh; she couldn’t help herself. Kelley glared, “This isn’t funny!”

 

“Oh for goodness sake. Henley is seven year’s old. You could have just taken the pancake mix you normally buy and throw some chocolate chips or blueberries into it. Voila, something different!”

 

Kelley opened in her mouth in protest, but then quickly closed it as she realized Hope had made a good point. She looks around at the mess she’s made and sighs, “Now you tell me…”

 

Hope smiled at Kelley’s failed effort and offered, “Come on, you already bought all this stuff…it wouldn’t hurt to try again. I’ll help you.”

 

Kelley nodded and tossed Hope a few lemons to begin zesting. After settling into their breakfast making process, Hope started up conversation. “Are you excited for the game tonight?”

 

“Yeah, it’ll be a big game- it always is when we play Portland. You know that, of course. In terms of who will win, I actually think we have it in the bag. Portland hasn’t been doing too well this season…they’ve lost their chemistry as a team over the last few seasons.” Kelley replied.

 

“Hmmm…that’s too bad….” Hope said in a jokingly manner, but then inquired, “But seriously, that’s a bummer. Maybe it’s more of an administrative thing than the players?”

 

“Yeah, I think so…” Kelley nodded in agreement as she measured out flour into a bowl.

 

“Oh, speaking of soccer, I’ve been meaning to ask you…does Henley play?” Hope now turned to face Kelley. She continued, “She hasn’t really brought it up with me, and I was just curious.”

 

Kelley kept focus at her task in hand, but shook her head at the same time, “No, she doesn’t.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could feel Hope eyeing her to explain further. She now turned to face Hope as well, “She was part of a little league, but that didn’t last long...just two years, I believe. She was a striker.”

 

“Of course she was…” Hope teased, knowing that was Kelley’s favorite position.

 

“I had nothing to do with that, I swear!” Kelley defended herself, “Henley’s just naturally fast and she could read the game better than anyone else on the team, which makes sense looking at her background…”

 

“What happened?”

 

“She’s really competitive, Hope, and that frustrated her a lot.” Kelley spoke the truth, “When she told me she didn’t want to play anymore, I encouraged her to hang on to it for a little bit longer and to just keep trying. We worked on finding ways to help her cope with her frustration on the field, but in the end, I could tell her heart wasn’t in it…she just didn’t enjoy the game.”

 

Hope wasn’t particularly fond of what she was hearing. She protested, “I find that hard to believe…soccer is in her blood!”

 

“And I think that’s the problem,” Kelley sighed before continuing, Trust me, Hope, I want her to have the same passion for the game that you and I do. That was something I’ve always wanted to share with my kids. But if you look at this from Henley’s perspective, it would make sense that she’s just overwhelmed by it all. When it comes to soccer, all she’s ever known is a high stress environment- the constant travelling, the long practices, the press and media…and I think all Henley truly wants is to be normal, to live a simple and easy life.”

 

 _Just like what I wanted,_ Hope thought to herself. She finally understood what Kelley was saying and agreed softly, “That’s understandable…plus, I would never want to force something on her that she didn’t like.”

 

“Yeah, exactly…she’s really a great kid. She makes friends easily and does well in school. Her favorite subject is science, so I guess I don’t really have a problem with that.”

 

“Oh yeah, I’ve noticed. She’s shown me all her projects and I don’t think I’ve ever heard so many nature facts in my entire life than I have this past month of knowing her.”

 

“Tell me about it. I don’t think I have ever met a kid so curious about…well, everything.” Kelley chuckled to herself, opening the fridge for another ingredient.

 

“She surprises me every day.” Hope said in awe, loving their conversations about Henley. It didn’t feel awkward or tense; it felt normal, like they’ve been doing it all these years.

 

The pair continued to move about each other effortlessly. It wasn’t until they both reached for the same hand towel, did they suddenly feel just a little too close. At the brush of each other’s touch, they both immediately removed their hand, too obvious of an action to go unnoticed. Neither of them knew what the other was thinking, but both of them knew for a fact that they felt a little shock.

 

Swallowing hard, Hope quickly brought up another topic as distraction, “Henley seems close to Pinoe…”

 

Cooling down from the sudden warmth of Hope’s touch, Kelley gladly accepted the distraction, “Her and Pinoe are two peas in a pod, honestly.”

 

“Maybe we should’ve made Pinoe her godmother after all.” Hope joked, earning a laugh from Kelley. Hearing Kelley laugh, or rather making her laugh like she used to, was enough to eliminate the tension that had been brought up earlier. They could work through this.

 

Kelley spoke, “That’s still a touchy subject even today. Pinoe will forever be bitter about that and she’s so vocal about it; it drives Carli crazy…” Kelley’s voice trailed off as she realized that maybe she shouldn’t have mentioned the midfielder. Noticing that Hope didn’t seem too bothered by it, she just continued, “But yeah, Pinoe and Henley are really close. They’re both so carefree and goofy, which gets Henley into trouble sometimes.”

 

“I could only imagine…” Hope smiled, “I’m glad Henley’s been surrounded by such loving people her whole life…that’s all I could’ve ever wanted for her.”

 

Kelley met Hope’s smile with her own, showing her support to the keeper who was carrying quite the burden of guilt on her back. Kelley eased into the conversation, “Yeah…settling in Seattle has been really good for us. I’ve always loved it here; it’s the perfect environment to raise kids in.”

 

Taking the bowl of batter from Kelley’s hands so that she could pour it on the griddle, Hope looked around and asked, “How long have you had this place? It’s nice.”

 

Kelley started to open up, doing her best not to get so caught up in the past. “Well we stayed in Jersey for a little bit…that’s another place I’ve always been fond of and right after…after everything that happened, I just…I needed a solid support system. I didn’t want to go home because I didn’t want to face my family quite yet. So I thought renting out a small apartment near Carli and Brian’s place would suffice, and it did.”

 

Hope grimaced as she thought back to her first conversation with Carli since she had returned, and how she had been informed that Carli’s doorstep was the first place Kelley had run to. She remained silent, encouraging Kelley to continue.

 

“A couple years later when it was time for Henley to begin school, I thought it would be best to return to Seattle.”

 

“Makes sense…” Hope murmured.

 

“We’ve been here in this house ever since.” Kelley paused, leaning against the counter as she watched Hope carefully flip over a pancake or two. She felt like she had to explain herself, so she admitted quietly, “I never thought I’d want to come back here…with the way we left things and all. It used to make me physically sick just thinking about living here again.”

 

Hope couldn’t agree more; she had spent so many years abroad wondering if she would ever make it back to the city she used to call home. She mumbled truthfully, “I felt the same way.”

 

Kelley swallowed, realizing they were sinking back into the past further than she had wanted to. “I remember hearing about you selling your…or I guess our place in Kirkland.”

 

“Oh,” Hope felt herself panicking a slight bit over her past decision, “Oh, did you not receive a call from Pinoe? She took the rest of your stuff. Well, I’m assuming you did because…” Hope looked around at all of Kelley’s old belongings visible in their present house.

 

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry about that…we got that all figured out eventually. No, really, I’m glad you sold that place. When I began thinking about moving back here, I knew that if I was going to come back, I would most definitely not want to live in that house…I needed to find a new place. I needed a new start.”

 

The way Kelley let out a breath as she finished that sentence made Hope cringe even more inside. They both had been all but destroyed by their break up and from the emotion evident in Kelley’s voice, Hope knew it was something they couldn’t avoid any longer. Taking the last pancake off the griddle, Hope turned around to make full eye contact with Kelley. She began to apologize, “I’m so sorry, Kelley…”

 

“No, don’t…” Kelley tried to stop her.

 

“I really think we need to talk…about this.” Hope replied honestly, motioning between the two of them as they stood in the mess of the kitchen.

 

“And I really think you need to stop apologizing.” Kelley said, to her own surprise.

 

Hope tilted her head in confusion and tried to allot herself more time to come up with an answer by washing her hands. Instead, as she reached for the sink, she ended up knocking over the bag of flour, some of its contents spilling onto the floor. “Oh shoot, my bad…”

 

As Hope bent down to clean up the mess, so did Kelley, which led the two of them to bang heads softly. Kelley brought a hand to her hand and softly murmured, “Ouch…” She tried to pick herself up from the floor, but instead of grabbing empty counter space, she too knocked over the flour, sending the rest of its contents onto the both of them.

 

A cloud of flour hindered both of their vision, but once it faded and they were both covered in copious amounts of white powder, Hope and Kelley couldn’t help but laugh at their mess. As they knelt facing each other on the floor, too close for comfort, they suddenly felt an attraction pull them closer together. Their foreheads were just about to touch when a small voice was heard at the entryway of the kitchen.

 

“Momma?” Henley yawned while rubbing her eyes awake.

 

Kelley’s head snapped to the side as she quickly stood up and greeted, “Good morning, Freckles.”

 

Hope followed suit and felt her voice crack in nervousness, “Ready for some pancakes???”

 

Henley nodded still half-asleep as she wandered over to the dining table and sat down. Hope picked up the plate of hot cakes and Kelley grabbed some plates and silverware, both completely flustered by what _almost_ happened.

 

-

 

“YAYYY! We won!!!” Henley jumped into Kelley’s arms at the final whistle.

 

Though sweaty and out of breath, Kelley happily caught the young girl and hugged her tight, “We did! Did enjoy watching it from way up there?” Kelley looked up towards a section in the stands where she knew Henley and Hope had been seated discretely among other Reign family members. Usually Henley would be bench side, but had opted to sit next to Hope, who wanted nothing more than privacy.

 

“Yeah! I liked seeing the whole field all the way from there! And I really liked watching it with Mommy.” Henley grinned.

 

Kelley looked around, “Where’s Mommy now?”

 

“Oh, she said she had to go to the bathroom.”

 

“Right…” Kelley knew that was just an excuse to disappear before anyone saw her. She looked down at her daughter and smiled, “Okay, why don’t you go find her and I’m going to get changed in the locker room. I’ll meet you in the tunnel?”

 

Henley nodded as she ran off, “Okay!” After searching around, Henley found Hope laying low in the hallway adjacent to the locker rooms. Luckily, Hope was able to distract the energetic little girl long enough for most everyone to leave the stadium. Kelley seemed to have gotten caught up in some press conference, but Hope quickly thought of something they could do as they waited.

 

Peeking out of the tunnel to make sure the stadium had been fully cleared, Hope motioned for Henley to follow, “Come on, Freckles.”

 

Henley’s grin only widened, loving more and more each day that Hope had become a part of her life. She watched as her mother picked up a stray soccer ball and headed out onto the field. Though she followed, Henley hung her head low, “I don’t play…”

 

“But you used to!” Hope encouraged, “I’m sure you remember how to kick around a ball.” Henley looked down at the ball that had rolled to her feet, giving in and kicking it back towards Hope. “There you go! See? You can totally play!”

 

Henley shrugged, “I don’t know.”

 

Seeing regret fill her little girl’s eyes, Hope probed for answers, “Do you sometimes wish you played still?”

 

Henley shrugged again, “I don’t know…sometimes?”

 

Hope was beginning to know her daughter all too well. “Well, something tells me that soccer isn’t completely out of the picture for you quite yet…I understand it can get overwhelming, and I think that’s mainly because of your mother and I. We don’t want you to ever feel like you have to play because of us, okay? We want you to play because you truly want to.”

 

Henley nodded, “I…I do…”

 

“But?” Hope knew Henley was still hiding something.

 

“But I’m not good enough.”

 

Hope frowned, “Henley, Momma told me you’re a fast runner and that you’re really, really smart when it comes to reading the game.” She was genetically wired for this after all.

 

“I know…but it didn’t feel…right. It didn’t feel like I belonged on the field.” Henley tried to explain.

 

As the ball rolled back to Hope’s feet, she bent down to pick it up and wandered over to the goal past. Hope took a deep breath as she finally reached it, memories of her time as the Reign’s goalkeeper flooding back into her. She couldn’t help but smile. Turning around to face her daughter, she innocently asked, “Did you ever try goalkeeping?”

 

Henley crossed the field to stand closer to the goal post. She shook her head, “No…”

 

“Really?” A smirk grew on Hope’s face as she rolled the ball back to Henley. “You’re missing out then…go on, kick at me.”

 

A smile also creeped onto Henley’s face as she ran up to the ball and kicked it as hard as she could. Hope effortlessly reached out and caught it in her arms. She mentioned, “You know, sometimes soccer feels frustrating at your age because you’re still trying to figure out how you can best contribute to your team. That of course is really important, but at the same time, you have to choose a position that _you_ are genuinely happy about. Come here, Freckles.”

 

Henley obeyed her mother as they swapped places. Hope gently kicked the ball towards Henley, who caught it in one swift motion. The grin that spread across the seven year old’s face was enough to confirm Hope’s suspicion. Running up and down the field wasn’t Henley’s true calling. Maybe she needed to be grounded in goal- just maybe she was meant to be a goalkeeper.

 

“You were a goalkeeper.” Henley pointed out.

 

Hope nodded, “Yeah, I was.”

 

“You were like _really really really_ good. You were the best, right?”

 

Hope stifled a laugh and shrugged, “Something like that.”

 

“Do you miss playing?”

 

“Every day.” Hope replied truthfully.

 

The ball still in her hands, Henley looked at the huge goal encompassing her. She entertained the idea, “Mommy, what if I was a goalkeeper like you?”

 

“I don’t know…how did it feel to catch that ball?” Hope already knew the answer to that, but wanted to hear it for herself.

 

“It felt like I belonged.” Henley breathed, realization washing over her. The mother and daughter duo stared at each other for a few minutes before Henley piped up and said in confidence, “I want to be a goalkeeper like you, Mommy.”

 

“That’s my girl.” Hope smiled proudly.

 

Before Henley could respond, a voice was heard approaching them from the side. “A goalkeeper, huh?”

 

Noticing that Kelley had joined them, Henley exclaimed, “Yeah! Momma, I want to play again! Mommy’s going to teach me how to be a goalkeeper.”

 

Kelley raised an eyebrow towards Hope, “Are you now?”

 

“Apparently.” Hope laughed and then quickly disclosed, “Hey, it wasn’t my decision…Henley came to it herself.”

 

“Ahhh, I see…” Kelley eyed her, completely unconvinced. She then turned to her daughter, “Henley, do you want to see me score on your Momma?”

 

As the words left her mouth, Kelley immediately regretted them. Color crept up Hope’s neck and into her cheek as she thought back on the common inside joke they had shared for so many years.

 

Hope cleared her throat and tried to play along. “Challenge accepted, O’Hara.”

 

Devilishly grinning in return, Kelley picked up the ball and placed it at the outskirts of the box. She quickly ran up to it from behind and pelted it towards Hope, who just missed it by an inch as it sailed back into the net. Hope scrunched up her face in slight annoyance, “Lucky shot.”

 

“What can I say? I’m just _that_ good.” Kelley tossed her hair to the side in exaggeration. 

 

Not being able to resist the opportunity, Hope replied, “Still doesn’t mean you can excel at all positions.”

 

Now it was Kelley’s turn to blush hard, not believing that Hope had pulled that card on her. She couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Everything suddenly felt like it did years ago when they were together; enjoying each other’s company, completely unforced.

 

Hope looked at their daughter standing in between them and suggested, “Hey, Henley, why don’t you stand in net with me and let’s see if we can stop your Momma.”

 

Henley nodded in excitement as Kelley frowned, “So not fair.”

 

“Yes, it is. I’m a little out of practice so I deserve all the help I can get.” Hope fired back, taunting Kelley.

 

Lining up the ball for a second time, Kelley prepared herself to kick it. Once she did, it soared towards the goal, but was suddenly stopped as Henley held it close in her chest. Slightly surprised by her save, Henley excitedly looked up at Hope and shouted, “I did it!!!”

 

Hope, who was also surprised by the save, looked at Kelley and just laughed, “She did it!!!”

 

Kelley teased, “There’s no way I’m allowing myself to be outnumbered by goalkeepers here.” She rushed towards Henley, who squealed loudly and ran down field with the ball.

 

The laughter from the little family echoed throughout the stadium. After playing around for a good remainder of the evening, they all decided it was time to head home. They were all walking through the tunnel, perfectly content, when Henley realized she had left her jacket on the field.

 

And that’s when it happened.

 

Without any warning or even the slightest of indication, Hope had Kelley pinned against the wall of the tunnel in a matter of seconds. The moment their lips made contact, Kelley felt her hands wander to Hope’s neck in efforts to pull her in closer. As their heads closed the gap, their hips connected shortly after. If this had been any other time, they each would’ve let out a slight moan, but in this moment, they both were so taken aback by the raw touch of each other that they couldn’t bear to make one sound. It had been so long since they touched it each other like this, since they _felt_ like this. A spark suddenly ignited. The fire that had been smothered so many years ago suddenly set ablaze.

 

They would’ve burned with passion for the rest of the night had they not heard a pair of steps running back into the tunnel. They both reluctantly pulled away to stare at each other, just trying to make sense of both their outlines in the dark as well as the thoughts running through their minds. Nothing made sense, but they both knew one thing. This was what it felt like to breathe again. All they needed to do was remember how to breathe.

 

Just _breathe_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your thoughts are always appreciated!


	14. Missed Phone Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carli and Alex react to Hope being in Seattle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I'm officially on spring break, so I'll have time to catch up with this story. Sorry this is a bit short- I'll be posting another short chapter later tonight to make up for it :) enjoy!

 

Kelley was distracted. Throughout practice, her eyes kept wandering towards the tunnels and her mind kept replaying the moment over and over again. The way Hope mindfully set her hands on her hips and pressed her against the wall, and how she herself reached up behind Hope’s neck to pull her in even closer.

 

They _kissed_.

 

The taste of Hope lingered on her lips and she felt like it had just happened only seconds ago. Truth was, it happened the week before. A whole week had gone by, and neither of them had said one word about it. Once they had pulled away, Kelley searched for an explanation in Hope’s eyes, but before she could verbalize her thoughts, Henley had come running back into the tunnel. Now, they were just pretending it didn’t happen. Kelley had practice every day and Hope had decided to make a last minute trip out to Richland to help her mother fix a couple things around the house. The space was probably a good thing for the two of them, but the weight of their little rendezvous was starting to build up and Kelley knew it would only be a matter of time before they were forced to have a conversation.

 

After running her last drill, Kelley jogged back to the sidelines where Pinoe and Henley were waiting anxiously.

 

“Are you done yet? I’m hungry!” Henley whined, kicking her legs back and forth as she sat on the bench.

 

Pinoe, sitting beside the seven year old, nudged her playfully, “You’re always hungry!”

 

Kelley laughed, “You’re not wrong, Pinoe…and yes, Henley, I’m finally done.”

 

“Can we have pizza for dinner?” Henley jumped up from her spot, her pony tail bouncing with her words.

 

“Yeah sure, just give me a couple moments to change.” Kelley said as she gathered her belongings, reaching into her gym bag for her phone.

 

“Aww, but you take so long to change! We won’t leave here for another ten hours!” Henley continued to whine, earning an eye roll from Pinoe.

 

Kelley, however, seemed to ignore the little girl’s comment as she looked down at her phone. Five missed calls from Carli within the last hour and a myriad of texts from Alex within the last ten minutes. She knew this could only mean one thing; they must’ve found out about Hope being in Seattle. Kelley felt herself get a little annoyed at her overbearing friends. This was none of their business. At the same time though, they were just trying to look out for her. They meant well.

 

“Momma, can Aunty Pinoe come with us to dinner?” Henley begged.

 

“Uh, sure, yeah…” Kelley muttered, still distracted. She had just begun to open up Alex’s text messages when her phone vibrated continuously in her hands. Alex was now calling.

 

Noticing Kelley’s lack of attention and realizing that she needed a moment alone, Pinoe suggested, “Hey, Henley, why don’t we walk down to that pizza parlor a couple blocks down and save a seat for all of us?”

 

Henley nodded enthusiastically, “Yes, please! I’m so hungry! Momma, hurry up okay?”

 

Kelley nodded as the pair walked out of the stadium. She turned back to her phone, swallowed hard, and answered, “Alex, I don’t want to hear it.”

 

“I know you don’t.” Alex’s voice replied calmly on the other hand. “I’ve actually known about this for a little while now.”

 

“Oh…” Kelley’s voice was laced with confusion.

 

Alex sighed, “Kell, I may not like it, but I have to remind myself that this is your life. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to see you get hurt- not like that again- but I also trust that you know what you’re doing.”

 

“Thanks, Al…” Kelley replied sincerely as she asked, “Wait, so why the call right now?”

 

“Because Carli won’t leave me alone!” Alex exclaimed in distress, “Kell, Carli is losing her mind over this. I think she just found out today even. You need to call her and explain everything to her. I know she’s probably overstepping her boundaries, but it’s Carli we’re talking about here…at this point, I think she’s ready to hop on a plane to Seattle by tonight.”

 

Kelley groaned, “Okay, okay…fine. I’ll deal with her.”

 

“Good luck…” Alex chuckled softly.

 

“Thanks, I’ll need it.”

 

Kelley hung up and scrolled through her phone until she found Carli’s name. Taking a deep breath, she pressed call.

 

“Finally! Kelley, you better have a good explanation for this.” Carli almost growled into the phone.

 

“Carli, please, this is really none of your business.”

 

“I’m just looking out for you!”

 

“I appreciate that, but there’s some things I need to handle on my own…I’ve told you that.”

 

Carli ignored her and asked abruptly, “Why is Hope in Seattle?”

 

“How did you find out?”

 

“People saw her at the game last week. Honestly, I don’t know how you’ve been able to keep this from me for so long! How long has she been in town?!” Carli exclaimed.

 

Kelley sighed, “I wasn’t intentionally keeping it from you…we just wanted privacy. And she’s been here for almost two months now…” Kelley braced herself for Carli’s response.

 

“Two _months_?!” Carli practically yelled, “Kelley, what the hell are you thinking? What is she thinking? Why is Hope in Seattle?”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes at the string of questions coming out of Carli’s mouth. “Calm down, will you? We’re doing just fine.”

 

“Did she just show up on your doorstep? Who thought that was a good idea after all these years?”

 

“I invited her.” Kelley replied quietly.

 

There was silence on the other end until Carli spoke up and repeated, “Kell, what are _you_ thinking?”

 

“I just…I don’t know, alright?” Kelley ran her fingers through her air in distress, “I haven’t been thinking lately. Well that’s not what I mean, I have, but nothing uh…important.” Kelley’s mind drifted back to her moment with Hope. There was no way in hell Carli was finding out about that. She’d have Hope’s head. She quickly explained, “She’s here because she deserves a chance at getting to know Henley.”

 

“No, she doesn’t!” Carli flat out replied, “Hope does _not_ deserve that. Not after everything she’s done to you.”

 

 _You don’t understand_ , Kelley thought to herself, but sighed, “Okay, maybe she doesn’t really deserve it…but Henley does. Carli, you know how much Henley’s longed to have a family…a complete family.”

 

“There’s no way in hell she’s welcome back into this family.” Carli spoke.

 

“I’m not asking you for that…and Carli, again, this is not your decision to make.” Kelley tried to reason.

 

“Are you two…” Carli’s voice trailed off, not sure how to frame her question.

 

“We’re fine, Carli, really.” Kelley explained, “And we’re just trying to have mutual feelings about all this for Henley. We’re doing this for Henley. So no, we are not getting back together.” For some reason, that statement didn’t sit well on Kelley’s tongue. It’s almost as if she were lying to herself- and that scared her.

 

“I don’t like this.” Carli was still adamant in her feelings.

 

“You don’t have to like it.”

 

Carli took a deep breath, “Fine. I swear, though Kell, if she hurts you one more time, I’m tearing her to shreds. I just…I can’t watch you go through that again. You won’t survive a second time.”

 

Kelley knew Carli spoke the truth, so she relented, “I know…I know. We’re just trying to be mature about this, for Henley. Honestly, I don’t want to place myself in that position again. You’re right. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

 

“Good.” Carli continued, “I have to go, but thanks for calling…and I know I react badly to things, but please try and keep me in the loop okay?”

 

“Okay, Carli…” Kelley couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’ll talk to you later.”

 


	15. Double Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henley opens up to Pinoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never really anticipated this story to be going this way, but here we are...haha, thanks for coming along for the ride! Cheers to another chapter :)

 

“So one large margherita pizza, yeah? And a side of caesar salad?” Pinoe peered over her menu to look at the young girl across from her.

 

“Yes! And can we get some breadsticks too?” Henley pleaded.

 

“You really are hungry, aren’t you?” Pinoe laughed, looking towards the front of the restaurant so she could flag Kelley down when she arrived.

 

Henley laughed, “Breadsticks are very important!”

 

“Indeed they are, Kid O’Hara.” Pinoe couldn’t help but smile at the vibrant girl. She changed subjects, “So I heard your Mommy is visiting your Nona this weekend…”

 

“Yeah, she’s helping Nona with her yard and stuff…” Henley shrugged before sighing, “I miss her.”

 

“Yeah?” Pinoe smiled and decided to press a little further, “How’s it going with that? You spending a lot of time together?”

 

“Mhm! I don’t want to go back to school because I won’t get to hang out with Mommy all day like we do now.”

 

“Wow, I can’t believe that came out of your mouth. You love school!” Pinoe commented, taking a sip of her water.

 

“I know…but I like being with both Momma and Mommy. We have lots of fun together.”

 

“Do you now? I’m happy to hear that…” Pinoe thought hard before asking, “So your mommies are getting along okay?”

 

Henley nodded, “Yup…why? Are they not supposed to?”

 

“Oh, no reason…just wondering…” Pinoe’s voice trailed off as she looked towards the doors again. It was good to hear that Hope and Kelley were trying to make things work for the sake of Henley; they both cared about their little girl and wouldn’t want anything to get in the way of their relationship with her.

 

“Aunty Pinoe, do you wanna know a secret?” Henley suddenly asked in a hush whisper.

 

Pinoe raised her brow, eyeing the little girl suspiciously. Always the curious one, she leaned in closer to Henley, “Of course I wanna know, Kid O’Hara. Spill.”

 

Henley looked around to double check that no one could hear them and whispered, “I think my mommies like each other.”

 

Pinoe frowned slightly, “Well, I hope they do…”

 

“No,” Henley hissed quietly before continuing, “I think they _like like_ each other.”

 

Pinoe’s brow arched even higher, “What makes you think that?”

 

Henley shrugged, “They make each other’s days better.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Momma smiles more now. And sometimes I see Mommy staring at Momma when she’s not looking.”

 

Pinoe smiled at the young girl’s innocence, “I’m not surprised…but Henley, maybe you’re a huge part of their happiness lately. I think you make both of their days much better.”

 

“I guess…but we’re a real family, Aunty Pinoe. Me, Momma, and Mommy. We finally get to be together.”

 

Pinoe couldn’t help but flinch at the young girl’s statement. She wasn’t sure about that and she hated to see Henley hurt because of it. She loved hearing that Henley was finally experiencing the family she had dreamed of all her life, but she was also hesitant with the way Hope and Kelley were dealing with this. It seemed clear that they had set boundaries, but it also seemed like Henley was mistaking their platonic feelings for something much more. Pinoe just didn’t want to see Henley crushed if something were to happen between the two again- not that there was anything between them now…right?

 

 _//_ April 2018

 

_“I…I think it’s over.”_

_Hope whispered quietly as she stood with her arms folded, tucked into her body in their most vulnerable state. Pinoe’s expression turned grim as she stared helplessly at her tall teammate in front of her. She shook her head, refusing to believe the keeper._

_Pinoe’s voice was laced with confusion and gloom, “Wh…what?”_

_“It’s over.” Hope mumbled one more time, glancing away from Pinoe’s locked stare so that the blonde couldn’t read her. Pinoe didn’t really know what to say anymore. Part of her wanted to scream at Hope for allowing this to happen, but another part of her just wanted to hear her friend out._

_“I’m not having this conversation with you staring at the ground. Stop hiding, Hope. I’ve known you for years…you don’t need to hide what you’re feeling, at least not with me.” Pinoe opened her door a little wider, “Come in.”_

_Hope slowly walked through the entryway until the two had reached Pinoe’s living room. Pinoe remained silent, knowing that the keeper would open up on her own time. What she didn’t expect was for Hope to lean forward and bury her head in her hands, her whole body wracking with sobs. Pinoe cautiously placed a hand on the keeper’s back, genuinely worried for the keeper. “Hope, talk to me, please…what happened?”_

_When Hope looked up at Pinoe with her tear stained face, she choked out, “I…I’m done. “_

_Pinoe was afraid something of that sort would come out of her friend. She sighed in disappointment, “Hope, you promised…you promised you wouldn’t do this again.”_

_“I tried, Megan…I really did.”_

_“You talked?”_

_“Many times…I just…”_

_“You know that Kelley can help you with this all. She’s your one. She can help you make sense of whatever’s bothering you.”_

_“I know that…but we just can’t be...at least not now.”_

_Pinoe hated how cryptic Hope was trying to make all this, but she didn’t feel like pushing the keeper anymore._

_“Why do I do this?” Hope pondered aloud in distress, “I can’t seem to ever handle my shit and I freak out too easily. I get scared and I always have to find one reason for this not to work, even though deep down I know perfectly well that Kelley is my forever. The both of them are my forever. I can’t live without them.”_

_“Then why do you choose to?!” Pinoe replied, getting more and more upset by the minute. “If you know you can’t live without them, then why leave? Why do this to yourself?”_

_“I just asked you that.” Hope pointed out._

_“God, Hope…I don’t know what to say to you anymore.” Pinoe wanted to shake her friend until she finally made sense, “You can’t keep running like this! It’s destroying bits and pieces of Kelley every time you do. And now you have a baby to think about.”_

_“It’s too late.” Hope barely whispered._

_“What do you mean?” Pinoe wasn’t sure if she had heard correctly._

_“It’s more than these bits and pieces…I’ve destroyed her, Megan. All of her.”_

_“Wait, Hope…what are you saying? You said you thought it was over, not…” Pinoe was slowly realizing what Hope was trying to tell her. She refused to believe it and just whispered softly, “Oh my god.”_

_Hope stared straight ahead, willing back the tears as she allowed Pinoe to read her fully. She braced herself for Pinoe’s outbust._

_“Oh my god…oh my god…” Pinoe kept repeating to herself, realization drawing upon her every minute. “You can’t be serious.”_

_“We’re…done.”_

_“You came here because…I thought you were just here because you wanted to talk or…I didn’t know it already happened??? You already…you left or…you’re over? Like for good? Done deal?” Pinoe could barely form coherent sentences._

_“We decided this was it for us.” Hope swallowed her regret._

_“No! I can’t believe…you called it off?!” Pinoe just watched as Hope shrugged and refused to share anything more. She jumped up and gestured towards the doorway, “Hope, you have to go back. You have to apologize for this or whatever or I don’t even know. You need to apologize for this shitty decision because it’s the worse one you’re going to make. You can’t do this…I’m not going to let you do this.”_

_“Megan...” Hope repeated._

_“No!” Pinoe threw her hands up in the air, “You do realize that if you don’t get your ass back home that this is over for good? Kelley’s not going to forgive you again. She doesn’t have it in her anymore. Look, you can still run back and fix all this. You might have one last chance to-”_

_“It’s too late!” Hope shouted. She breathed heavily, “I just told you that! I don’t have another chance, okay?! I already made my decision. I can’t go back. It’s not going to do me any good to go back. I won’t. This is really it.”_

_“What?” Pinoe was so lost, “You just said you couldn’t live without them! Hope, you’re not thinking! You’re not making any sense.”_

_“But it does make sense…it makes sense to me. I forced Kelley into…”_

_“Shut up, will you? Do you realize how selfish you’re being right now?” Pinoe yelled into her friend’s face. “I’m really trying to hear you out on this one, Hope, but the more and more you keep talking, the more I want to throw a punch at you. This is ridiculous! There’s no logic behind what you do. I really thought that after all these years, you’d open up to Kelley, but you keep shutting her out like this. You’re right, Hope. You’re destroying her.”_

_“Fuck, I know that, okay?” Hope groaned into her hands, not really wanting to be reprimanded by Pinoe once again._

_“Yeah, you do!” Pinoe took a deep breath before continuing, “You know what though? I don’t care about you and Kelley at this point…you two can do whatever you want. It’s your relationship. But I think the real issue here, that both you and Kelley should take the blame for, is your little girl. You guys can keep doing this to each other for who knows how long, but you have a daughter together! You have to factor her into this equation, or really, this hot mess. Henley needs you, Hope!”_

_Hope exclaimed again, “I fucking know that! Henley means everything to me and it’s killing me that…that I’m not good enough for her. I love her so goddamn much that I have to let her go. She doesn’t deserve to grow up with me, with someone who is so tormented, so dark, and so unlovable.”_

_“You’re the only one who thinks like that!” Pinoe wanted to pull her hair out, “Kelley doesn’t think that way, or else she wouldn’t have had a kid with you! And I bet you when Henley grows up, she won’t think like that. They love you, Hope. We all do.”_

_Hope let Pinoe’s words sink in and no matter how comforting they were meant to be, she looked past them. Hope softly pointed out, “Megan, both you and I know I didn’t come here for you to change my mind. I came here because I…because I just need someone. After all this. So please, can we just not talk about this? Can we just stop?”_

_Pinoe swallowed back her frustration, knowing that Hope had made up her mind. They would only keep going in circles if they continued to talk. She finally relented, but asked just once more for good measure, “Are you sure?”_

_Hope was never sure when it came to Kelley and that’s what troubled her the most. Kelley didn’t deserve to be caught in the uncertainty of her life. Though she loved Kelley, she couldn’t bear to hurt her anymore. She deserved someone so much better; someone more stable. Maybe there’d be a chance that one day, Hope could be that person for Kelley, but for now, that was not even a glimmer of an option._

_“You know I can’t answer that.”_

_-_

There was something missing. Even until this day, that memory was so fresh in Pinoe’s mind. She replayed it over and over again, and no matter how hard she thought about it, none of it really made sense. She knew she didn’t hear the truth that day. Hope was notorious for her insecure nature, but never in her entire time of knowing Hope did Pinoe see her so distraught. The way Hope shook with tears that day was an image that Pinoe could never forget. She could _feel_ Hope’s heart breaking in half, and hearts don’t just break like that on their own.

 

Pinoe returned her focus back to the freckled face in front of her. She took a deep breath, knowing that the decision she was about to make could cause a string of major events to occur. But she was willing to take the risk.

 

“Alright, Kid O’Hara, what do you mean when you say that your Mommy stares at your Momma?”

 

Henley perked up, glad that her aunt was taking great interest into their little secret. “Well she always stares when Momma’s not looking. It’s hard to describe…it’s just a _look. S_ he gets really happy and her eyes get really big and I think they even light up sometimes.”

 

 _Heart Eyes Solo,_ Pinoe thought to herself and let out a little laugh. Henley titled her head in confusion, “Huh?”

 

“Nothing.” Pinoe quickly caught herself.

 

“Oh! Last week after Momma’s game, we were playing on the field and we were leaving when I forgot my jacket. I went to go get it and when I ran back, Mommy was looking Momma like that again. They stood looking at each other for so so so long!”

 

Pinoe’s grin only grew wider as she realized what had transpired between her two former teammates. She knew them too well. Before she could speak her own thoughts, Henley spoke them for her.

 

“I think my mommies are going to get back together for realsies.” Henley glowed with happiness. “I think they love each other.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Yeah because it’s not just Mommy who looks at Momma like that. Momma does it too and that means they’re going to get back together, right? They just have to! Aunty Pinoe, you have to believe me! Maybe they just need my help? Will you help me? We can make it so we’re a real family forever.” Henley lit up.

 

Pinoe smiled, but turned serious, “Whoa, slow down. Henley, I’m going to talk to you like an adult for a moment, okay? I know you’re really enjoying your time with your mommies, but don’t get your hopes up…in other words, you can’t assume things.”

 

Henley sighed, “Okay…”

 

“With that being said, you might be on to something, kiddo.” Pinoe flashed a mischievous smile at Henley, who instantly smiled back.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Well, let’s find out what exactly that is, shall we?”

 


	16. One Last Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley think about the future.

 

"Aunty Pinoe, _look_.”

 

Pinoe looked up from the sandcastle at her hands in the direction where Henley pointed and noticed Hope, a book in her lap and a blanket drawn over her legs, looking into the distance towards the ocean. Following Hope’s line of sight, Pinoe could just barely make out Kelley’s small figure riding the waves. She smirked to herself. This day at the beach couldn’t be going any better.

 

“Do you see that?! That’s the look!” Henley shook Pinoe’s shoulder as she exclaimed a little too loudly, “Aunty Pinoe, do you see that?!”

 

“Shhhhh!” Pinoe shushed the young girl, trying to hold in a smile at the little girl’s enthusiasm, “Of course I see it! We have to stay cool, okay? _You_ have to stay cool.”

 

“They love each other.” Henley sighed in content as she watched a small smile break out onto Hope’s face as Kelley swam to shore. She continued to help Pinoe pack sand into shapes, but no more than five minutes later, she grabbed Pinoe’s arm again, “Momma’s getting out of the water!”

 

Startled by Henley’s touch, Pinoe looked up, “What? Where?”

 

“There!” Henley practically shouted and pointed once again, but this time at Kelley who was carrying her board across the shore. Henley whipped her head around to face Pinoe, her eyes widening, “Should we do it now?! Are we going to do the thing now?”

 

Pinoe rolled her eyes, “Oh my god, patience, Kid O’Hara! We have to observe our subjects a little while longer…but yes, get ready. Any time now.” Pinoe’s eyes tracked Kelley as she walked back to Hope, setting her board down and taking off her wetsuit. She looked for any signs of tension, but it appeared that her two friends were in good spirits.

 

“Now?!” Henley begged.

 

Pinoe sighed, “Oh good god, you seriously can’t wait another five minutes, can you? Fine, fine…let’s go!”

 

Henley jumped up and ran over to her parents, announcing loudly, “I’m hungry!”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes, “Again?! We just ate dinner! And you had two hot dogs!”

 

“Uhh…uhh…yeah. I’m still hungry.” Henley shrugged.

 

Hope laughed, “Your Momma’s right…you know, Freckles, the more and more I get to know you, I’m beginning to learn that food is a _very_ important part of your life.”

 

“It is!” Henley pouted, putting her hands on her hips.

 

Kelley smiled as she continued to dry her hair out. Noticing that Pinoe had casually jogged by and joined their conversation, she acknowledged her friend, “Hey there, how’s sandcastle building going? I’m sure Henley here is being lots of help…” Sarcasm laced Kelley’s voice.

 

Pinoe shrugged, “Not bad…but I’m hungry now.”

 

Hope groaned, “Not you too!”

 

“See?!” Henley exclaimed, “I’m not the only one who’s always hungry.”

 

“How does a milkshake sound?” Pinoe nudged her favorite seven year old, earning glares from Kelley and Hope.

 

“YES! Momma, Mommy, can Aunty Pinoe and I go get milkshakes? Please?”

 

“Henley...” Kelley began.

 

“Sure, why not?” Hope responded quickly without thought, now earning her own glare from Kelley. “Wh…what? Was I not supposed to…”

 

“You can’t just say yes every time Henley asks us for something!” Kelley looked at Hope like she had just committed a huge parenting sin.

 

“Well what am I supposed to say then? No?! I mean…just look at her face…” Hope sighed as Henley batted her eyes at her mother.

 

“God, you are useless.” Kelley snorted, turning her attention back to her daughter, “Alright, fine, give me a minute to get all our stuff together…”

 

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Pinoe quickly interrupted, “I’ll just take Henley on my own.”

 

“Uh, what?” Hope swallowed nervously, not wanting to be alone with Kelley quite yet. “You don’t have to do that, Pinoe…we’ll join you.”

 

“Yeah...we can…we…”

 

“Not a problem! Really, I love bonding with this little freak.” Pinoe grabbed Henley, ruffling her hair for good measure.

 

“Come on, let’s go I’m hungry! See you in a bit, mommies!” Henley announced again, tugging Pinoe away before her parents could say another word. Just as they were far enough away, Pinoe held up a fist bump to Henley and softly praised, “Nice work, Kid O’Hara.” The two walked off, extremely proud of themselves.

 

“Wait but I…” Kelley sighed as she watched her daughter bounce away with her former teammate. “I wanted a milkshake too.”

 

Hope shook her head and let out a small laugh, patting the seat next to her, “Well, if we can’t have milkshakes, at least we can watch this beautiful sunset.” Hope nodded ahead at the sky turning all shades of orange and pink.

 

Kelley plopped herself down next to Hope, just far enough so they weren’t touching. That failed of course once Hope offered her part of the blanket. Kelley scooted closer; it was starting to get chilly after all. They watched the sun set in silence, and once the darkness settled around them, so did the tension that had been hanging around them all week.

 

“Kelley…” Hope spoke softly, the warmth of Kelley’s closeness finally too much to bear.

 

Kelley opened her mouth to reply, but felt her phone buzz beside her and read the text aloud, “Henley’s tired…I’ll just take her back to my place and you can pick her up from there.”

 

“Oh…okay.”

 

Kelley took a deep breath and faced Hope, their eyes piercing one another. “Well there’s no getting out of this conversation now.”

 

Hope took in Kelley’s face amidst the intensifying moon light and shadows. Her voice wavered, “Where do we go from here?”

 

“I…I don’t know. That’s not a real answer, I know, but I just…” Kelley breathed in deeply, “I just can’t believe we’re here again.”

 

“I know…me neither.” Hope began to replay the past in her mind and she spoke truthfully, “Kell, I’ve changed.” Hope gently placed her hand over Kelley’s, hoping that the small gesture carried her promise.

 

Kelley flinched, but did not remove her hand. She murmured, “I made a promise to myself all those years ago- that I wouldn’t let myself go through all this again. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I _couldn’t_. But then you come back-”

 

“Like I said I would.” Hope interrupted quietly.

 

Kelley nodded, “And that’s just it…you came back _different_. You _have_ changed, Hope, and I don’t know what to do about that. It intrigues me and scares me and excites me, but at the end of the day, I find myself asking if this is me just being ignorant and completely stupid for falling into your trap again.” She doesn’t mean for bitterness to come through her voice, but it does. 

 

Hope sighed, “This isn’t a trap, Kelley…it’s never been a trap and you know that.”

 

Kelley smirked to herself, “Right, because it’s just the circumstances or whatnot. It’s always the wrong time. How do I know that right here and now isn’t just another one of those moments? How do I know that this is the _right_ time?”

 

“Because I’ve changed, I swear. Kell, I swear I’ve changed…I’ve spent the last seven years without you in order to be _with_ you.” Hope was basically on her knees begging for Kelley. She sounded desperate, but she didn’t care. She needed to get through Kelley one last time. She spoke again, “I’ve hurt you so many times…so it only felt right that I hurt my own self in return. And the only way for me to do that was to step back and let you go. Losing you and Henley was excruciatingly tormenting, but I told myself that if I could endure this and make myself better for you two, then maybe I would have one last shot. So here I am, Kelley, giving you my last and best shot.”

 

Kelley’s eyes welled up with tears as she remembered their past and replied, “I can’t do that again, Hope…all those mornings I woke up nauseous at the fact that I’d never see you again, all those sleepless nights, all those desperate phone calls to Carli, all those seconds of hating you…I don’t want to experience that ever again.”

 

Hope just nodded in understanding. She couldn’t blame Kelley. The past seven years had been unbearable. She was just about to give in when Kelley spoke up once more.

 

“But I also know that where we are now, what we might get to experience from here on out, is too big to ignore, too worth it not to explore.” Kelley began to intertwine her hand with Hope’s. “This doesn’t guarantee anything, but we...we can start off slow.”

 

“Of course…we’ll respect other’s needs.”

 

Kelley nodded, “We’ll talk things through when they get hard. We’ll listen. We won’t run. We’ll be honest. And most importantly, we put Henley first.”

 

“Always.”

 

“Okay then…” Kelley let out a long breath, “We’re going to do this.”

 

“Only if you’re sure-”

 

“I am.” Kelley jumped the gun a bit before steadying her breathing again, “I want this.”

 

“Me too.” Hope could feel the adrenaline rushing through her veins. She was suddenly alive again; everything was starting to fall into place. She leaned her forehead against Kelley’s.

 

“Oh my god.” Kelley’s voice fell.

 

Hope’s eyes filled with concern and reluctantly pulled herself apart from their embrace, scared that she had suddenly changed her mind. “What?”

 

“Carli’s going to kill me.”

 

Hope sighed in relief and then chuckled softly, “Seriously? After everything we’ve talked about, you’re concerned about Carli?”

 

“Well to be honest, I’m more scared for you.”

 

“She doesn’t worry me…she’ll come around.” Hope looked longingly at Kelley and just smiled. She was determined to never hurt her again. Though the moment was already heavy with emotion, Hope let out the softest, “Thank you...for Henley, and for this. Most especially for _this._ ”

 

Kelley looked down, her damn guilt rising in her throat. She gulped, “I owe it to you as much as you owe it to me.”

 

“No…” Hope thought long and hard before continuing, “No, you don’t owe it to me…I’m the reason for all this. Not you, Kell. It’s always been on me…I’m so sorry.” Hope carefully wrapped one arm around Kelley’s small figure, bringing her in closer and kissing the top of her head softly.

 

Kelley allowed herself to fit perfectly into Hope’s side and gripping on to the older woman’s hoodie, she mumbled into the fabric just loud enough for Hope to hear, “I’m sorry too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley, what have you gotten yourselves into?!


	17. Soccer Moms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope, Kelley, and Pinoe attend Henley’s first soccer game of the season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a fun chapter for y'all

 

It’s a beautiful day for a game. The sun was still out, but the temperature had started to just cool down in time for fall, making it perfect weather to run around in. They arrived at the pitch a little early and Henley immediately bounced out of the car, towards some of her teammates. Hope waited patiently behind as Kelley searched for her sunglasses. She held her hand out for Kelley, who gladly accepted, and she knew her eyes under those shades were smiling as wide as the grin on her face.

 

They were happy.

 

The school year had just begun and the NWSL was in the midst of playoffs, so Henley and Kelley were kept busy. Hope, not ready to commit to a long term job quite yet, was enjoying the extra time getting reacquainted with Seattle and becoming, for a lack of a better word, domesticated. She busied herself with household responsibilities, including but not limited to cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry. Though it seemed boring, Hope enjoyed herself; in a ways, she felt like she was making up for her absence.

 

As their family fell into these new routines, Hope and Kelley only grew closer. Though it had only been a month since their conversation on the beach, they quickly eased into things like they had been doing this for the last seven years. They skipped the whole “get to know you” part and if people hadn’t known their history, they could easily pass for an old married couple. Neither of them were surprised though; being with each other had always been easy for them.

 

This time truly felt different; there was a certain maturity to their relationship that was never present before. Hope did her best to communicate her feelings as often as possible and Kelley did everything to listen and respect her without making assumptions. They cared about each other and wanted to be on the same page as often as possible, perhaps for forever.

 

Hope and Kelley kept to themselves, with Pinoe being their only friend who knew the extent of their relationship. At the moment, both Carli and Alex assumed everything had remained platonic and that Hope was just reconnecting with Henley. The couple knew they’d pay for their secrecy later on, but for now it felt nice to keep this all to themselves. They didn’t need other people meddling, other people _knowing_ \- that’s what had gotten them into trouble in the past. The world had finally decided to leave them alone. 

 

Henley ran over to her parents who were standing to the side of the pitch. “I’m starting today!”

 

Kelley high fived her daughter and exclaimed, “Alright, Freckles! Right on!”

 

“I wouldn’t have expected anything different!” Hope smiled, but then shifted her attention towards Henley’s appearance, “Okay, make sure you tie your cleats tight. Oh, same with your gloves. The last thing you want to do on the field is have to deal with wardrobe issues when your eyes should be on the game.” Before Henley had a chance to check herself, Hope was on her knees retying her daughter’s cleats. Standing up, she continued, “Want me to put your hair up in a tighter ponytail? You definitely don’t want your hair flying everywhere.”

 

Henley, a bit taken aback by Hope’s finicky behavior, just stuttered, “Uh, sure…”

 

As Hope took hold of Henley’s hair, Pinoe had spotted the family and ran over to them. Decked out in face paint and a completely soccer kit with “Kid O’Hara” plastered on the back of her jersey, she waved a gigantic rainbow foam finger in everyone’s faces as a greeting. “ARE YOU READYYYY?”

 

Kelley laughed, swatting the foam finger out of the way. Hope, finishing up Henley’s ponytail, frowned slightly, “What are you wearing?”

 

“It’s my Henley game day outfit, duh!” Pinoe writhed with excitement, her two teammates beginning to wonder what she had eaten (or perhaps had to drink) before coming out to the game.

 

Hope turned to Kelley, slightly jealous, “Why don’t we have Henley apparel?”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes and shot a look at Henley, “Well, _someone_ was horrified the last time I showed up looking like Pinoe. She made me watch from the car!”

 

Now it was Hope’s turn to shoot Henley a disapproving look, “You’ll let Pinoe show up like this but not us? Your mothers? Your _literal_ soccer moms?!”

 

Henley looked a bit ashamed, but pointed at Kelley, “Bu…but Momma…she…”

 

“Trust me, I’ve tried. It’s a sore subject around here. She’s embarrassed by me, Hope.” Kelley interrupted and shrugged.

 

Pinoe rolled her eyes, “Kell, maybe Henley’s embarrassed by you because you get a little, hmm, what’s the word? _Intense_.”

 

“I do not!” Kelley defended herself.

 

“Yes, you do, mom!” Henley fired back.

 

“Do not!”

 

Hope can’t help but smirk at the exchange going on between her loved ones, quickly earning a glare from Kelley.

 

“Not a word from you, Solo! You were just freaking out about Henley moments ago- fixing her clothes and stuff. You’re just as paranoid as I am.”

 

“I’m not paranoid!” Hope explained, “You’ll do just fine, sweetie. She’ll be good…she’s our daughter, remember? Really, Henley, I just want you to enjoy the game.”

 

Kelley smiled too, leaning into Hope who just rubbed her back in comfort. She looked at her daughter and nodded, “Have fun out there, Freckles.”

 

Pinoe joked, “You better win, Kid O’Hara, or else we’ll disown you.”

 

“Pinoe!” Hope and Kelley shot glares at their friend, but Henley laughed, thankful for her aunt who knew exactly how to ease her nerves.

 

Pinoe shook her head, “I’m kidding...you think you’d know that by now. I’m always kidding. But really, Henley, go kick some…butt. Yeah, go kick some butt out there!”

 

“Yay, go get them, sweetie!” Hope shouted as Henley began to run off.

 

“Love you, Freckles! We’re so proud!” Kelley yelled, fist pumping into the air.

 

Henley stopped and turned around, groaning at her over enthusiastic mothers. Pinoe just shook her head and chuckled to herself, “Don’t worry, Henley, I’ll keep an eye on them.” She pushed her two friends towards the bleachers, winking back at the seven year old over her shoulder.

 

-

 

“OFFSIDE! What?! Oh my god, come on! That was totally offside!”

 

Hope winced at yet another outburst from Kelley, who had been standing for the last ten minutes gesturing wildly towards the field. Pinoe was right; Kelley was a bit out of hand. At the sound of the first whistle, she had turned into some lunatic soccer mom. Hope found it endearing at first, but as Kelley’s loud behavior became more apparent and other parents began to eye them, Hope found herself shrinking. If there was a hole, she’d be the first to climb in.

 

“BOOOOOO!” Kelley threw two thumbs down before taunting, “Bad call! Yo, referee, get your eyes checked! BOOOOOO!”

 

“Uh, Kell, babe…sit down. You’re scaring the whole neighborhood.” Hope smiled nervously at the crowd around her as she tugged on Kelley’s shirt.

 

“YOU’RE WORSE THAN THE FIFA REFS! COME ON!”

 

Pinoe’s eyes widened as she leaned behind Kelley’s standing figure to make eye contact with Hope seated on the other side. She complained, “Solo, you need to control Officer KO…even I’m not this loud!”

 

Hope shot daggers at Pinoe, _What does it look like I’m doing?!_ Her expression softened as she looked up at the fired up woman, “Uh, Kell?”

 

Completely ignoring Hope, Kelley scoffed loudly, “Learn how to do your job, ref! This is complete bull-”

 

“Kelley.” Hope said adamantly as she tugged on her hard enough to get her to sit down.

 

“What?” Kelley replied innocently.

 

“Calm down.” Hope whispered the order.

 

“Come on, Hope, you have to agree with me that these are terrible fouls being called.”

 

Hope knew she was right, “I know, I know…but look, we’re winning!” She noted the score, 2-1.

 

“Yeah, but we all know the other team did not deserve that penalty kick! Henley would still have a clean sheet! It’s unfair!” Kelley’s voice turned into a whine.

 

Hope couldn’t help but fall even more in love with Kelley’s overbearing attitude. Without warning, she stole a quick kiss.

 

Kelley pulled away and wiggled her brows, “Nice try, but one kiss isn’t going to stop me…HEY REF, BOOOO-”

 

Kelley’s yelling was quickly muffled by Hope’s lips. Kelley smiled in accomplishment, deepening the kiss before Hope pulled away. Her breath hitching, Hope asked, “Are we good now?”

 

Kelley looked back sheepishly, “I guess I can back off the yelling for a tad bit…”

 

Pinoe scrunched her face up in disgust and shook her head at her former teammates, “Seriously? You’re disgusting.” She turned her attention back to the game, doing her best to hide the smirk forming on her face.

 

The final whistle blew and Henley ran off the field, thrusting herself into her parent’s open arms. “We won! We won! We won!”

 

“Way to go, Freckles!” Hope and Kelley responded enthusiastically.

 

“Did you see all those saves?!” Henley asked, not being able to keep still.

 

“Of course! You killed it.” Kelley smiled, giving her daughter a side hug.

 

“That’s my girl…you’re totally meant to be a keeper!” Hope also gave Henley a hug before turning to Kelley, smirking, “See? Goalkeeping is the best position.”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes and leaned up on her toes, mumbling, “Now it’s my turn to shut you up.” With that, Kelley’s lips connected with Hope’s for yet another time that day.

 

Henley’s face dropped, her eyes narrowing in disgust. Shielding her eyes, she exclaimed, “Ewww! Guys, stop!”

 

Pinoe let out a laugh, bringing the horrified seven year old to her side. “Henley, I thought you wanted your mommies together again.”

 

“Well yeahhhh,” Henley dragged out, “But I didn’t think they’d kiss _all_ the time!”

 

Pinoe shrugged, “I can’t blame you, kiddo. They’re gross.”

 

Pulling away from Hope, Kelley rolled her eyes at Pinoe, “Oh, come on, this isn’t even that bad. You know you’ve seen worse.” Hope blushed hard.

 

“Oh my god, don’t remind me!” Pinoe exclaimed before turning to Henley, “Uh hey, why don’t you go get your stuff so we can go out and celebrate?” As soon as Henley ran back to the sideline benches, Pinoe glared at her two friends with mischievous expressions plastered on their faces. “Did you forget you have a kid or…?”

 

“Since when are you so concerned about keeping things PG around here?” Kelley questioned.

 

Pinoe brushed her off and shook her head, “I can’t believe you almost brought up that time you…ugh, I can’t even say it aloud.”

 

“It’s not our fault you chose to train late that one night!”

 

“Out of all places, the _bleachers_?! That’s straight up dirty! I’m not even that filthy!” Pinoe lowered her voice.

 

Kelley held onto Hope’s arm, rubbing it gently, “Oh yeah, that was amazing…those bleachers were strangely comfortable, weren’t they?”

 

Hope tilted her head and agreed, “They weren’t bad…hey, these bleaches kind of remind me of that night…” Wiggling her eyebrows, she brought Kelley into her body again and placed a kiss on her nose. Kelley uncharacteristically giggled before finding Hope’s mouth again.

 

“Good lord, what is wrong with you two today?! It’s like you haven’t even…oh my _god_. Really?! Have you not…ew, why do I even care?” Pinoe’s eyes widened before they she squinted at her friends, totally revolted, “Guys? Can you even hear me? Cut it out…you’re embarrassing me.” Hope and Kelley pulled away, but Pinoe watched as they remained completely enchanted with one another. She grumbled, “The sexual tension between you two is so unbearable right now that I might as well offer to take your kid for the night.”

 

That seemed to break the trance that Hope and Kelley were in as the pair turned to Pinoe. Kelley’s breath hitched, “You’ll take her for us?”

 

“What? No! Psh, no!” Pinoe quickly backed away.

 

Feeling her arm burn as Kelley held onto it tightly, Hope swallowed, “Pinoe… _please_.”

 

“I was joking! I…I…” Pinoe grumbled, caving in, “Damn it. Fine! You’re fucking welcome by the way.”

 

“Watch your mouth around Henley.” Hope scowled.

 

“I do what I want.” Pinoe scoffed, “It’s your fault for leaving me in charge of your kid anyways! Now go and get a room before your child gets back and witnesses more of this horrible, sickening love affair.”

  

Hope let out a sigh of relief, “You’re the best, Pinoe.”

 

“Should’ve made me her godmother!” Pinoe mocked, watching Kelley eagerly grab Hope’s hand and drag her away. She looked on as an old feeling began to sink in. “They better not screw this up.”  

 

 

 


	18. Gorgeous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley’s first night together in seven years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this turned out much longer than it was supposed to be...a lot happens!

 

They didn’t even make it to the bedroom.

 

In a swirl of fumbling with the house keys, tripping over the front door mat, and landing atop one another on to the living room couch, Hope and Kelley found themselves tangled, completely wrapped up in each other. Kelley removed her hair from its bun, the strands loosely falling down upon her shoulders and onto Hope’s face as she leaned down with every kiss. Hope prop herself up on her elbows, meeting every little act of love that Kelley had to offer. Kelley eagerly took this opportunity to lift Hope’s shirt above her head, discarding the piece of clothing to the floor. Hope felt goosebumps form on her bare skin as it met the crisp air, but the chill of her body suddenly turned to fire as soon as Kelley’s weight bore down, the thin piece of fabric that was her shirt the only thing separating one another. Hope’s sharp intake of breath made Kelley smirk between kisses.

 

Placing her hands on Kelley’s hips and anchoring their bodies together, Hope stuttered, “It…it’s so nice…to be able to do this…again.”

 

“Mmm…” Kelley moaned her agreement into Hope’s mouth before shifting her attention to Hope’s side where her hands slowly moved up and down, just _touching_.

 

Kelley’s hands roamed freely over Hope and it drove her wild. The room spun around them and Hope was bewildered at their muscle memory, the way their bodies reacted to each other like they weren’t just lovers in this life, but past ones too. Hope had enough and decided it was time for her to take things into her own hands, so she gently flipped them around, Kelley now below her. Hope caressed Kelley’s face, leaning into the crook of her neck to strategically place kisses behind her ear and down her neck.

 

Hope wasn’t exactly sure how it happened until the words just fell out of her mouth, “God, Kelley…you’re so… _gorgeous_.”

 

Hope immediately froze and Kelley’s eyes flew wide open. Kelley swallowed thickly and it almost killed Hope to see the pain that flashed across Kelley’s eyes at her mistake. Hope silently cursed herself; she hadn’t meant for that exact statement to come out. She hadn’t meant to take them back seven years to the last time they were intimate like this. She hadn’t meant to say the words that could’ve been the reason for their separation; the words that reminded Kelley of what Hope _didn’t_ , or _wouldn’t,_ say.

 

“I…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…” Hope’s face flushed with regret, still hovering over Kelley.

 

But Kelley just shook her head and wrapped her hand behind Hope’s neck to bring her down closer, pleading, “Just come here…”

 

Their kisses intensified with passion and they laid together on the couch for what seemed like eternity. Hope was careful with taking things slow, wanting to savor every second, but it had come to the point where the control in her body was no more. Her lips pressed firmer into Kelley’s neck, a groan escaping the young defender’s lips as she breathed her name, “Hope…”

 

It had been years since Kelley had said her name like that and Hope needed to hear it not just once, but numerous times more. She became more aggressive with her touches and kisses, and Kelley felt herself mumbling, “St…stop. Please, Hope…” Hearing her name again only drove Hope crazier. How could she stop now? She felt her hands grip the hem of Kelley’s shirt and pulled it completely off, but Kelley was quick to place her hands defensively against Hope’s chest and the urge in her voice caused the older woman to stop completely. 

 

Hope pulled away and looked down, breathing heavily, “If…if this is about what I said earlier, I’m sorry…I really…”

 

“No,” Kelley sighed, “It’s not that…”

 

“Okay…” Hope leaned down again, kissing the corner of Kelley’s mouth. Noticing Kelley shift uncomfortably beneath her as if she were being suffocated, Hope pulled away again. Her eyes widened in fear of her assumption, “Oh…my god. Are you…are you seeing someone?”

 

Kelley immediately shook her head, “No, no…but…”

 

Hope sighed in relief, “Good…just wanted to make sure before I do this.” Her lips crashed upon Kelley, her tongue begging for entry and causing Kelley to moan.

 

Kelley stuttered, “H…Hope, please…just, _stop_.” She pushed on Hope’s chest just a tad harder than before.

 

“Kell, what’s wrong?” Hope’s voice dropped into a concern. After searching her eyes for answers, Hope realized what the woman beneath her was trying to imply. Hope felt her shoulders relax as she removed herself and just laid beside Kelley, not wanting to hear what Kelley might have to say. Knowing Kelley wouldn’t bring it up on her own, Hope quietly asked, “How many times?”

 

“Twice.” An answer leapt out of Kelley’s voice, almost too quickly for Hope’s liking.

 

Hope sat up against the couch, her bright blue eyes dulling with disappointment, “Twice?” She turned to Kelley with the most defeated expression on her face.

 

Kelley also sat up to face Hope, defending herself, “Come on, don’t give me that look…”

 

“Was it during…” Hope didn’t even finish her question, too afraid to do so.

 

“It was never when you and I were still…no, oh my god, I wouldn’t do that to you.” Kelley quickly clarified, “Trust me, it was after…after everything.”

 

“Oh…okay.”

 

“So yeah, maybe I should’ve thought about the consequences in the long run, but can you blame me though? I was an emotional wreck. I was so vulnerable and it just…happened.” Hope just nodded in silence, busying herself with her hands in her lap. Kelley pleaded, “You have to understand where I’m coming from.”

 

“I do.” Hope let out quietly, still refusing to lift her eyes to meet Kelley.

 

“Hope, please look at me.”

 

Hope gave in, knowing that if this second chance was going to work, she couldn’t run from a simple conversation, or better yet, their problems. She admitted, “I’m upset and I don’t like this, but I get it…I understand.”

 

Kelley felt the burden lift from her chest. If they were going to go through with all this, she wanted it to be done with a clean slate. No secrets and pure honesty. She whispered, “I’m sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize.” Hope quickly interrupted, “It’s not like we were together at the time.”

 

“Thank you.” Kelley removed a loose strand that had fallen in front of Hope’s face and tucked it behind her ear. “Can we move on?”

 

“Yeah, we can.” Hope smiled, squeezing Kelley’s hand.

 

“So, where were we again?” Kelley smirked and felt adrenaline rush through her veins once again. She took note of the way Hope had just handled their situation. Something really changed within Hope; she was really trying to make things work. Kelley had no reason to object and just forcefully kissed Hope again all while climbing onto her lap. Kelley began to leave a trail of kisses across Hope’s shoulders and down onto her abs when Hope let out a quiet gasp.

 

It was Hope’s turn to stop Kelley now, “W…wait. I have one more question.”

 

“Hmm…” Kelley ignored Hope’s request, too consumed by the burning feeling on her lips.

 

“Who was it?”

 

Kelley groaned and mumbled, “What happened to moving forward?”

 

Hope asked again, “Kelley, seriously…who was it?”

 

“Does it matter?” Kelley now pulled away.

 

Hope’s eyes filled with concern as Kelley continued to dodge her question. “Why are you being so secretive?”

 

“You’re not going to like my answer.” Kelley pointed out.

 

“Quit stalling…” Hope replied, annoyance filling her voice, but panic filling her mind. Was it one of their friends? A teammate? She rephrased her question in a blunt manner, “Kelley, just tell me who you slept with.”

 

Kelley lowered her head and just barely breathed, “Ann.”

 

“ _Ann?!_ ” Hope reiterated loudly, startling both herself and Kelley.

 

“It’s not what you think…”

 

Hope straightened her back against the couch, the tone of the room changing significantly. Crossing her arms, her go to stance, Hope looked at Kelley in bewilderment, “Seriously?! I get the why part, but I don’t get the who. Out of all people…your ex-girlfriend?! How…did…how…god, what were you thinking?!”

 

Kelley frantically replied, “I wasn’t! I wasn’t thinking! I told you that already.”

 

A wave of emotions crashed over Hope, her mind spinning in all directions. Everything had been going so well and just when things were finally starting to settle down, there was yet another hurdle for her to jump over. Frustrated and flustered, Hope sighed heavily in defeat, “Damn it, Kelley.”

 

Kelley watched as Hope picked her shirt off the ground. She quietly asked, “What are you doing?”

 

Hope responded, a new edge to her voice, “Dressing myself- what does it look like?” She quickly slipped her shirt back on.

 

“So you’re not going to give me a chance to explain what happened?”

 

“Well I don’t really want to hear about it.”

 

Kelley felt her own self become just as flustered. She stammered, “Hope, it’s not like I cheated on you! You said it yourself…we weren’t even together! Please…can we talk about this?”

 

Hope faced towards the front door, her back to the living room and Kelley. Moments ago, she had wanted to sprint out the door and run away from yet another problem, something she was accustomed to. Now, as she soaked in Kelley’s plea and thought of the circumstances, how _now_ was different from _then_ , Hope grounded herself. Kelley was right; she didn’t have the right to be angry. But that still couldn’t prevent the whirlwind of emotions she was experiencing.

 

Steadying her breath, Hope turned around. She looked at Kelley, noticing the glimmer of surprise in her eyes. Kelley, too, had expected her to leave. She quietly admitted, “I’m not running…I’m sorry for making you think that.” Sitting back down next to Kelley and taking her hands, Hope told her, “I’m not going to lie. I’m upset right now, but I want to talk through this with you…I can’t make any promises on my reactions from here on out, but let’s just start the conversation, okay?”

 

Kelley nodded in understanding. When Hope remained silent, she asked hesitantly, “What do you want to know?”

 

Hope sighed, starting off with, “Why her?”

 

“Hope, you have to believe me when I tell you that I did not deliberately choose her. This could’ve happened with anyone.” Kelley did her best to hold contact with Hope as she bravely admitted, “The first time, we were drunk. Ann heard about you and I in the news and found out I was staying with Carli. She was in New York at the time and offered to visit.”

 

“And you said yes.” Hope grumbled, still trying to steady her emotions.

 

“I did…” Kelley said slowly, but continued, “I’ll admit that agreeing to see Ann wasn’t the most logical decision I could’ve made, but I just needed a distraction…not like _that_ , but I thought maybe going out with some friends would take my mind off of things. A group of us went out for some drinks at a bar and after a few drinks…really, I barely remember it. We just woke up side by side in the same bed the next morning and the both of us instantly knew what happened. She left without us saying a word to each other; we didn’t talk about it either. We couldn’t remember details, so I think we just had a mutual understanding that we’d pretend it never happened.”

 

Hope exhaled loudly. She didn’t know what to say. The thought of Kelley with anyone other than herself made her incredibly sick to her stomach, so if she were to open her mouth, she was afraid she’d sound too harsh.

 

On the other hand, Kelley couldn’t bare the silence. She’d take any response. “Hope, what are you thinking?”

 

“What about the second time?” Hope swerved Kelley’s order.

 

Kelley shook her head, “Tell me how you’re feeling about all this first…I need to hear from you.”

 

Hope cut her off immediately, “What am I supposed to say?! You slept with Ann. That’s all there is to it.”

 

“No, it’s not…it’s not that simple! Yes, I slept with Ann. That’s a fact. But there’s so much more to it than I think you’re seeing…I was angry and I know we were drunk, but I…I think I did it out of spite.” Kelley said, more for herself than anything. She, too, was getting frustrated. She had wanted Hope to pry further so that they both could come to terms with her actions. Kelley sighed, thinking back on what could’ve been the worse year of her life. “It was just after everything…you were in Seattle, or I don’t know, maybe you had left already, but I…we just…point is, we were over and I was devastated.”

 

“Just tell me about the second time.” Hope urged.

 

Kelley complained, “Well, I don’t know if I want to tell you anymore if you’re not going to tell me how you feel. Please I’m trying to be honest here with you, Hope, but you need to be honest with your feelings too. I can take it.” Kelley needed their conversation to reach a different level, a level that would open them to things they weren’t so readily able to talk about.

 

“And I can take you telling me about the second time you two were together.” Hope threw Kelley’s words back in her own mouth. She felt guilty for coming across so bitter, but she needed a full explanation before they could take this any further.   

 

Still not pleased with Hope’s lack of sharing, Kelley decided it might be best to continue anyways. She took a deep breath. “The second time was six or so months after, the end of that year. I went to spend the holidays with my family in Georgia. Ann was in town as well and she was invited to our family gathering.”

 

Hope couldn’t help but comment sarcastically, “Oh great…the perfect surrounding; an anti-Hope zone. Your family probably already hated me and throw Ann into the mix, and I can practically hear your conversations ‘Told you so. Should’ve made a better choice, Kelley.’”

 

“No, it wasn’t like that.” Kelley frowned at Hope’s assumption. She protested quietly, “My family doesn’t hate you…they’ve always been respectful of my personal life and trust that I know what I’m doing. At that time, I told them that what happened between you and I was off limits and none of their business.”

 

“Because they don’t know the truth.” Hope bitterly smirked to herself.

 

Kelley was shocked. It was the first time Hope had mentioned the truth with such an edge to her voice. Deep down, they knew they were both at fault, but Hope had clearly taken the blame for everything all these years. Kelley never expected the truth to be so backwards in everyone else’s eyes, but it happened and since Hope never said anything about it, neither did she. Guilt rose in her throat, “R…right. They don’t know the truth.”

 

“Back to you and Ann.” Hope insisted.

 

Kelley winced, but explained, “We were sober the second time around. Everything felt perfect, well scratch that, maybe that isn’t the right word. But I was finally starting to feel happy again; I had just realized that I could get through this with the right people around me. It was just another night when we were up late, talking about the past year and that just turned into, well you know. But I instantly regretted it. After it happened, I was wide awake for the rest of the night thinking how unfair I was being.”

 

By now, Hope had her elbows on her knees and her head fully in her hands. As much as she didn’t want to hear this, she knew she had to for the sake of her own sanity.

 

Kelley continued honestly, “I didn’t have feelings for her, I swear. I was more in love with the idea of replacing you. I told her what I was feeling as soon as she woke up the next morning- how all of it was a huge mistake and that I had only just begun to heal.”

 

Hope mumbled into her hands, “Oh, I’m sure she took that well.”

 

“She did, actually.” Kelley sighed, “She then asked if we could turn over a new leaf and just be friends.”

 

“That’s bullshit.” Hope lifted her head, her jaw clenching.

 

“I know you never got along with her, but Hope, she’s not all that bad. We were friends before us…” Kelley quickly corrected, “Not that her friendship was every more important but…yeah, she’s a decent individual, you know.”

 

“She’s hurt you before.” Hope reminded.

 

“Now you’re sounding like a hypocrite.” Kelley shot back.

 

Hope grimaced at Kelley’s words. Again, Kelley was right. Hope breathed in deeply, still trying to carry their conversation, “I know…I’m sorry. I’m just never going to like her.”

 

“That’s fine, but she’s still my friend. Now that we’ve set clear boundaries and put our past behind us, it’s been nice getting to know her this way.” Kelley admitted.

 

Hope felt herself get fired up; she could tell she was quickly losing her cool. Her brow arched, she asked, “Wait, are you telling me you still talk?”

 

“Well, yeah…a bit, actually.” Kelley knew she would regret saying this, but she did anyways, “She’s been there for me, especially with Henley.”

 

Hope threw her head back against the couch in frustration, closed her eyes, and murmured, “You’ve got to be kidding me right now, Kelley.”

 

“She been a lot of help to us just like everyone else has.”

 

Hope’s eyes flew open and she quickly lost composure. She wasn’t sure what happened, but anger manifested in her words, “How is _this_ supposed to work then?” Hope motioned at the space between them. She helplessly exclaimed, “How are _we_ supposed to work if your ex-girlfriend is in our lives, too?! How do I know you're not going to run off and fuck her again?!”

 

Kelley fought back, “Jesus Christ, Hope! It’s not like that! I told you. Please try to see where I’m coming from.” Anger getting the best of her as well, she let out, “You have no say in what I do…we aren’t together.”

 

Hope’s face fell as soon as the words left Kelley’s mouth. The angry emotions she had been feeling were suddenly non-existent at the thought of losing Kelley all over again. She quietly mumbled, “Good to know.”

 

Kelley reached for Hope’s hand, also realizing that their argument had taken a turn for the worse. She pleaded, “That’s not what I meant…I still want this between us, whatever it is. I’m just…I don’t know where this will take us.”

 

“Maybe Ann is better for you.” Hope scoffed, immediately removing her hand. She was faced with an irritated Kelley.

 

It pained Kelley to hear Hope’s words. She angrily whispered, “Why do you do that?! Why do you assume you know what I’m thinking or feeling? Why are you so self-deprecating?”

 

“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” Hope irritably replied, “Look at our history together…I haven’t treated you the way you deserve to be treated.”

 

“We both have our faults.” Kelley softly cut in.

 

Hope ignored her, “The magnitude of mine can’t even compare to yours…”

 

“No…you can’t compare.” Kelley softly breathed. What Hope was saying was partially true, but she blamed herself for quite a bit as well. She never liked to compare, especially when it came to Hope because well, it was simple. She loved Hope; even in her darkest and most twisted ways, Kelley loved her.

 

“I’ve caused you so much pain, Kell, and I can’t forgive myself for that…” Hope admitted quietly.

 

Kelley pointed out, “Fine, if you keep thinking like that, then what are we doing now? I want this second chance. I swear to God, Hope, I’m not doing this again with you. You’re _enough_ for me. You’ve always been and I don’t know why you can’t just see that. Hope, you’re everything to me, and I regret what I did with Ann, but please believe me when I say that I need you, that you truly are everything to me.”

 

Hope bit her lip, wishing that she could one day view herself the way Kelley did. She leaned her forehead against Kelley, letting her know that she wasn’t mad anymore, but admitted in a whisper, “It hurts.”

 

Kelley knew Hope had softened, but was still thinking way too hard. “We need to be done talking about what happened…you can’t let your mind go there.”

 

“I know.” Hope murmured, “Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it more than I’m coming across right now…but it really, _really_ hurts, Kell. I’ve spent the last seven years berating myself and doing everything I could to make myself better for you. So you telling me that you had a few one night stands with Ann makes me feel like everything I’ve worked towards, the basis of our relationship right now, was all for nothing.” Hope willed back tears just thinking about finding themselves in another mess.  

 

Kelley softly replied, “To be honest with you, I didn’t think we’d ever be together again…there was no reason to believe that there could be something between us after the way we left things.” She swallowed hard, her voice cracking, “I was broken.”

 

Hope thought long and hard before speaking up again. Kelley had every right to feel that way, but her own feelings were just as validating. Defeat and pain evident in her voice, Hope whispered, “So was I.”

 

Silence fell upon them. They both turned their heads to the clock on the wall; it was way past midnight now. They were both exhausted, emotionally drained from their late night conversation. This was the first time they had brought up what might’ve happened during those seven years of separation and it took a lot out of them both. Neither of them had the energy to bring up the reason for their separation, nor did they want to. They were avoiding talking about it, but deep down, it would eventually have to resurface. They would cross that bridge later though because right now, they were still together. No one ran and that in itself was huge progress for them.

 

Kelley leaned into Hope, taking in her body warmth. She admitted quietly, “This was good.” She felt Hope’s head nod in agreement atop of her.

 

Hope rubbed Kelley’s back gently, “If we’re going to make this work this time around, we have to start trusting each other again…and I think tonight was a good starting place. I know I seemed overwhelmed at times, but I appreciate you sharing this with me, Kell. I want this to work…I’ve been crazy enough to think that there could ever be something between us again, but I thought that anyways and I’m so glad I did. I’d rather be here with you than alone and apart.”

 

Kelley looked up, genuinely looking forward to getting to know this renewed Hope. She hadn’t pictured them having this conversation this very night, but it was, indeed, a _very_ good start. She leaned up to kiss Hope, who was quick to deepen it. Kelley’s hands began to wander, but Hope gently broke them apart, grabbed Kelley’s shirt and placed it against the sports bra that she had been wearing. Hope apologized softly, “I’m sorry…I’m just not in the mood anymore. Another time, okay?”

 

Kelley took the shirt out of Hope’s hands, smiling sadly in understanding. Hope gave her one last peck to the cheeks before they found themselves in each other’s arms, laying on the couch. Though they were content, both Hope and Kelley couldn’t help but wonder if they’d ever be okay, if they’d ever just be, and remain, in love.

 


	19. Party Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope, Kelley, and Henley have some serious birthday party planning to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late on updating! Enjoy!

 

Hope rested her head against Kelley’s as she absentmindedly wrapped her arms tightly around the younger woman. They laid together in one piece, perfectly happy spending their lazy Sunday afternoon watching collegiate soccer. Though UW was playing and Hope wasn’t one to often miss seeing her alma mater play, she couldn’t help but stare down at Kelley. Even after all these years, and everything that they had been through together, Kelley never ceased to amaze the keeper. From the moment they met, Hope’s heart was given away in one swift motion.

 

“Come on, come on…yes, yes…YES!” Kelley’s competitive spirit filled the room.

 

Hope immediately returned her eyes to the screen, thinking that her team scored yet again. They were crushing it, 4-0. However, when she saw the new score, she frowned and pointed out, “Kell, the other team just scored.”

 

“I know.” Kelley shrugged, a certain playfulness evident in her tone. Hope already could tell she was trying to egg her on.

 

“You can’t just change who you’re rooting for halfway through the game.” Hope replied in confusion, gently pulling away to get a good look at the woman nestled against her chest.

 

“I didn’t.” Kelley looked up at Hope, mischief sparkling in her eye, “Who said I was ever rooting for the Huskies? Stanford isn’t playing, but you know I can’t give you the satisfaction of bleeding purple and gold.”

 

“Kell!” Hope scolded, “You can’t wear UW colors and cheer for the opposite team! That’s not how it works!”

 

Kelley smiled sheepishly at Hope, hiding away in the older woman’s old college sweatshirt. She had always been the one in their relationship to steal the other’s clothes; there was just something about the oversize fit of Hope’s clothes that made her feel safe and sound. Kelley looked up at Hope, all but batting her eyelashes, “But you know this is my favorite hoodie of yours…”

 

“Well, it’s my favorite too! And it doesn’t deserve such treatment!” Hope did her best to speak firmly, but the corners of her mouth couldn’t help but tug upward at the cuteness that was Kelley.

 

“Aw, don’t be bitter, babe…your team is winning, anyways.” Kelley leaned up, kissing the corner of Hope’s mouth.

 

Hope muttered in defeat, “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

 

Kelley smiled in victory, “Hope Solo, you’re so weak for me in your clothes, aren’t you?” Hope blushed and just let the question slide. Kelley wasn’t wrong.

 

As the first half drew to a close, Henley had made her way into the living room where her parents were and stood in front of the television, a notebook in her hand. Hope immediately felt herself soften at the sight of her daughter. She smiled, “What’s up, Freckles?”

 

Henley looked back and forth between her mothers, contemplating what to say. Rather than saying anything though, she thought it’d be best to cross the living room, step over Hope’s outstretched legs and sandwich herself in between the two adults. In all seriousness, Henley opened her notebook and announced, “We have a lot of work cut out for us, ladies. Time to get down to business.”

 

As Henley pulled the blankets over her own legs and wiggled until she was comfortable, Hope and Kelley looked at one another, doing their best to contain their laughter. Henley was at the age where she liked to copy other people, and lately she was picking up on Harvey’s frequent sayings. Kelley made a mental note to stop bringing Henley to practice.

 

Trying to bite back her amusement, Hope’s brow arched, “What do you have in mind, coach?”

 

“We have to start planning!” Henley stressed.

 

Still a little lost, Hope’s voice trailed, “For…?”

 

“My birthday, silly! Come on, stick with me, Mommy!” Henley lightheartedly scolded.

 

Kelley smirked and mockingly added, “Yeah, Hope, stick with us.” Hope shot Kelley a look, knowing perfectly well that Kelley also had no idea what the conversation ensued. As she looked down at the little girl beside her, Hope let her thoughts drift momentarily. This was the first birthday she’d be celebrating with her daughter; the first time in seven years that she wouldn’t be dreading the month of November. Somehow, every year on Henley’s birthday, Hope would find herself at a bar. She was embarrassed by it, but it was the only way she knew how to deal with the guilt of knowing that halfway across the world, her daughter was celebrating a birthday without her. Knowing that she had bailed before Henley had even turned one, Hope was determined to be there for every birthday from here on out.

 

Kelley’s voice interrupted her thoughts, “Alright, let’s start with the most important part: the theme. Any ideas so far?”

 

“No!” Henley groaned. “That’s the problem, Momma. I can’t even think of one theme I like! We’re running out of ideas because I’m getting too old!”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes at her daughter’s dramatics, “Don’t sweat, Freckles. If you’re getting old, what does that make your mother and I? Dinosaurs?”

 

“I’m more of an ancient fossil if we’re being completely honest here.” Hope chuckled softly, but Henley failed to even let out the slightest grin.

 

Giving both of her mothers a glare instead, “This isn’t the time for jokes! My birthday party is going to be a disaster without a theme!”

 

Hope wrapped an arm around Henley and rubbed her arm gently, “Your mother’s right, Henley. Don’t lose sleep over this. Your party will be awesome. Let’s just talk through ideas…how about a science themed party? You love science.”

 

Henley sighed, “We did that last year.”

 

“Oh, hmm…” Hope thought hard, her eyes lighting up, “Oh I got it! What about nature and wildlife and animals?!”

 

“Can there be squirrels?” Now Kelley’s eyes lit up in a teasing manner.

 

“No.” Both Hope and Henley flat out replied. Hope continued, “This could be good though! Oh my god, we could have a fishing booth! Those are always a hit at parties, right?!” Kelley looked at her as if she had said something completely ridiculous. “Eight year olds fishing, seriously?”

 

“You know, we get poles and clips and they fish for candy and prizes.” Hope explained.

 

Henley sighed again, “We can’t do that…my friend Lola had a nature themed birthday party last year. I don’t want to copy her.”

 

Hope grumbled, “Well it was a good idea…Freckles, what about a pizza making party? We can all go to Pike Place, pick out the ingredients, and everyone can make their own mini pizza. It could be Italian themed, I guess.”

 

“We did that the year before last.” Kelley pointed out in defeat.

 

Hope shrugged and entertained an idea, “Well what if you didn’t have a theme? Sometimes it’s just nice to have your friends over and….or not….” Hope’s voice trailed off as soon as she noticed Henley’s face scrunch up in protest.

 

“Mommy, my birthday _has_ to have a theme!” Henley bemoaned, leaning her head against Hope’s arm. They all sat in silence together with Henley fidgeting until her eyes locked with the screen in front of her. She realized that the answer had been in front of (and around) her this whole time. She exclaimed, “Soccer!”

 

Hope looked at her daughter and then to Kelley in surprise, “Soccer? You seriously have not had a soccer themed birthday party yet?”

 

Kelley brought her hands up in defense, “Hey, don’t look at me!” She looked down at Henley and noted lightheartedly, “Remember, _someone_ didn’t like soccer growing up…”

 

“But I do now!” Henley refuted, suddenly getting very excited as ideas popped into her head. “What should my cake look like? I’ve seen soccer field ones before! Oh, or a soccer ball cake! Or my soccer ball _and_ goalkeeping gloves!” She began sketching in her notebook.

 

Kelley laughed softly, “We’ll have to ask the bakery in downtown if they can do that, but I’m sure they’ll be able to think of something somewhat soccer related.”

 

Hope added, “For food, we can have things that you’d normally find at a stadium or tailgate. Burgers, hot dogs, popcorns, churros…”

 

“Dippin’ dots!” Henley gasped, bouncing in excitement. “Centurylink field always has dippin’ dots!”

 

“Where are we going to get those? They’re aren’t sold in the store, are they?” Kelley asked.

 

Hope shrugged, “I’m pretty sure we can get them catered.”

 

“Yay!” Henley clasped her hands together in excitement. “Okay, what about the activities and games?! How about soccer tennis?!”

 

“Oh good idea, Freckles. Everyone loves a good game of soccer tennis. That would be tons of fun.” Kelley agreed.

 

“Oh, oh, oh!” Henley jumped up in excitement, earning a laugh from Hope who was filled with joy just watching her daughter light up. She suggested, “We can all dress up as soccer players!”

 

Hope’s eyes narrowed in confusion, “Wait, there are costumes involved?”

 

Kelley smirked and nudged Henley as she sat back down. “We like to go all out for birthday parties, don’t we, Henley?”

 

“Yeah! Everyone will have a jersey, right? Most of my friends play soccer too and the ones that don’t can borrow my jerseys!” Henley looked back and forth between her mothers, “You have plenty of jerseys too! And so does Aunty Pinoe…and Aunty Carli and Aunty Alex and Aunty Ash and Aunty Ali and Aunty Kling and…”

 

Hope’s chest tightened as she watched Henley list of the majority of her teammates and count them with her fingers. Noticing Hope’s sudden change in demeanor, Kelley stopped the young girl, “Hold on a second, Henley…”

 

Henley faced Kelley with concern, “Most of them can come right? Aunty Carli and Aunty Alex always come. Aunty Kling promised me she’d come this year too because she missed my last birthday.”

 

Kelley began, “Well, I’m sure a lot of them can make it, but Henley, what if…”

 

Sensing where Kelley was taking this, Hope quickly cut her off and smiled at Henley, “It should be a lot of fun with everyone here.” She then shot Kelley a quick look, _I’ll be okay._

 

Henley stood back up, jumping up and down. She squealed loudly, “Yay! This is going to be the best party of the year!”

 

Hope shook her head and just smiled at the little girl who had captured her heart. She noted the time and instructed, “Well, it’s getting late, Freckles. I think we’re off to a good start on this whole party planning business. Why don’t you start getting ready for bed?”

 

Henley nodded in agreement before running upstairs to her room. As soon as they were sure the little girl was out of ear shot, Kelley began, “Hope, are you sure…”

 

Hope interrupted, “It’ll be alright, Kelley, really.” She smiled at Kelley’s concern and leaned in to give her a light kiss for reassurance. She stared at Kelley, noticing trepidation still very much in her eyes. She encouraged her to speak up, “Kell, is there something you want to talk about?”

 

“No, not really…well, I mean…” Kelley took a moment to gather her thoughts. She took a deep breath. “We’re going to have to tell everyone about us and I don’t know…I just have a bad feeling about it. They’re not going to react well.”

 

“I don’t care what other people think, Kell. You should know that by now.” Hope tried to comfort the worried defender, reaching out to place a hand on her knee.

 

Looking down and placing a hand onto Hope’s, Kelley sighed, “I know you don’t, but I can’t stand hearing everyone scrutinize you. It’s not fair. I feel terrible about not stopping that during the reunion…you didn’t deserve that.”

 

“Kell, they have good reason to be upset with me.”

 

“Yeah, but they need to know that I was the one who-”

 

“Stop.” Hope sighed, “It takes two, remember? I won’t ever forgive myself for putting you through this mess, no matter what the both of us did. All that matters now is that we’re together again. That’s all I could’ve asked for. We’re working through things and that’s enough for me.” Hope said in sincerity.

 

Kelley scooted closer to Hope, leaning her head on her shoulder. “I feel the same way. I don’t care what other people think either, but still, don’t you think I should at least warn a few of them or something? Tell them that we’re trying things out again? At least Carli? Maybe Alex too? Just so it’s not a huge surprise and that way they can blow off steam before coming here.”

 

Hope sighed, “If I could have it my way, we wouldn’t have to tell anyone. Kell, honestly, it’s up to you. Don’t worry about me.”

 

Kelley nodded, “I know, but I don’t want anything to happen that could compromise us. We’re finally okay again and I just…” Kelley couldn’t admit her feelings aloud. She was terrified of losing Hope.

 

“As long as you and I are on the same page, we’ll be fine, okay?” Hope replied. Before Kelley could respond, her phone buzzed on the table. They both looked at it and Hope let out a heavy sigh, “Speaking of the devil…”

 

Kelley quickly picked up her phone, a knot forming in her stomach. She looked at Hope for help, “Wh…what should I say?”

 

Hope gently kissed Kelley on the forehead before standing up. She said, “Like I said, it’s up to you…I’m going to go tuck Henley into bed.” With that, she walked upstairs.

 

Kelley looked down at the phone still ringing in her hands. She breathed, “Hello?”

 

“Kell! Long time no talk!” Carli’s voice came through on the other end.

 

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve been busy and haven’t had the chance to call in awhile.”

 

“It’s okay, I understand. How are you and Henley doing?”

 

Kelley replied, “Uhm, we’re doing pretty well…Henley’s enjoying school.” Kelley secretly hoped that their conversation would remain there.

 

“I’m glad…”

 

The two friends continued with small talk until it became too obvious that Carli was dying to ask about Hope. Kelley knew they wouldn’t be able to avoid it much longer so she asked, “So you’re coming to visit next month, right? For Henley’s birthday.”

 

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it…do we have a theme yet?” Kelley could hear Carli chuckle softly, knowing that birthday parties were a big deal to their favorite seven year old.

 

“Actually yes, as of today. It’s soccer.”

 

“Finally!” Carli exclaimed and Kelley smiled, knowing her friend had probably pumped her fist into the air in excitement. “I’ve been waiting for this since Kid O’Hara was born. So that means I should pack a jersey and cleats, huh?”

 

Kelley laughed, “Don’t you always have those in your luggage? And yeah, I know. This is going to be a serious throwback for all of us. Honestly, it’ll probably just turn into a scrimmage between all of the adults.”

 

“That’s my kind of party!” Carli laughed, sinking back into silence. She eventually threw it out there, “Is Hope going to be there?”

 

Kelley frowned on her end, slightly annoyed that Carli would even ask that. “Yeah…of course.”

 

Carli sarcastically commented, “She’s only eight years late.”

 

“Carli…” Kelley warned her.

 

“I’m just saying!” Carli sighed, “I can’t believe she thinks that she can fix this, that there’s the possibility of winning you back.” Kelley remained silent, a second too long for Carli was quick to catch on. “Oh my god, _Kelley_.”

 

Kelley stumbled over her words, “Car, it’s not what you think…”

 

“It’s exactly what I think! Are you serious right now?” Carli’s voice filled with disbelief, her defenses shooting up. “Do you not remember how long it took for you to-”

 

“I’m not doing this over the phone with you. If you want to talk about it, we can do so when you get here…all of us can talk.”

 

“I’m not giving her the time of day.”

 

Kelley tried to diffuse the tension, “I’m doing alright, Carli. I really am. In fact, I’m happy…she’s different now.”

 

“That’s what we all thought last time.”

 

“She’s going to be a part of Henley’s life from now on whether you like it or not, and she might just be a part of mine again too.” Kelley firmly stated, hearing Carli breathing heavily on the end. She said quietly, “Please don’t let this get in the way of our relationship…you’re my family, Carli.” Kelley knew Carli was just looking out for her. She owed a lot to her former teammate.

 

“I just…I can’t believe this.”

 

Kelley began to give up. “Like I said, I’m not doing this over the phone with you. We can talk more in person, but please, just try and hear me out on this, okay?”

 

Carli gave in, “I’ll talk to you when I’m in town. This isn’t the end of it.”

 

Kelley quickly ended their conversation and hung up, sighing in relief. She was glad the conversation was over, but deep down, she also knew it had just begun. Not wanting to worry about everyone coming to town, she placed the phone back on the table and made her way upstairs, just stopping outside of Henley’s room to listen to the voices inside.

 

“Who’s Mommy talking to downstairs?” Kelley heard Henley ask.

 

“Aunty Carli.”

 

“Oh…” Henley asked out of curiosity, “Were you and Aunty Carli good friends on the team?”

 

Hope almost snorted, but refrained. She nodded, “We used to be close.”

 

“Well, why aren’t you now?”

 

Hope smiled at the little girl’s innocence, “She’s not too happy with me not being here with you for these past seven years…not many people are.” Hope pointed out. She couldn’t help, but ask, “Henley…you don’t hate me? I’m sure you’ve heard stories.”

 

Henley looked at her mother and snuggled in close, shaking her head, “No…you’re my mom. I can’t hate you.” Hope smiled, beginning to stroke the young brunette’s hair. When Hope didn’t continue, Henley softly whispered, “I know Momma loves you still.”

 

That statement made Kelley’s breath hitch. Her daughter was too smart for her own good. She continued to listen from the outside. Hope’s voice filled the room, “Is that so?”

 

“Yeah, I know she does.” Henley yawned.

 

“That’s good then…because I never stopped loving her either.” Hope replied, almost saying it more for herself than to simply agree with the little girl.”

 

Henley fell asleep within minutes and Hope quietly exited the room. Shutting the door quietly behind her, she turned around only to feel pair of lips crash against her own. Taken aback, Hope looked endearingly at Kelley. A smile widened on her face, “Wh…what was that for?”

 

“Just because.” Kelley replied nonchalantly, though her heart was soaring over her head and showering love over the both of them. She wrapped her arms around Hope’s neck before jumping up and wrapping her legs around the keeper’s waist. Hope smiled again into Kelley’s kiss before walking down the hallway to their bedroom, shutting the door firmly.

 


	20. Unsteady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team begins to trickle into town.

 

“Surprise!”

 

One hand still on the door, Kelley’s eyes widened as she came to realize that two of her closest friends were currently standing on her front porch. Her jaw dropped, “Alex! Tobin! What are you guys doing here?!”

 

“Henley’s birthday, duh.” Tobin grinned.

 

Kelley smiled back, “That’s not for a few days. I didn’t know you were coming early!”

 

“Hence the _‘surprise’_!” Alex laughed before hugging Kelley. Stepping through the doorway and into the house, she mentioned, “We don’t see each other enough as it is, so I thought it’d be nice to spend a good amount of time here instead of popping in and out for the party. When’s everyone arriving, by the way?”

 

“Ashlyn and Ali arrive in the day after tomorrow. Heather, too. Carli can’t make it out here until the night before, but I think she’ll get to stay for some time after the party. I’m not entirely sure what everyone else’s schedules are…”

 

“I know Kling is driving up tomorrow. I also think Press is flying in on the same day as Ash and Ali.” Tobin mentioned.

 

Kelley nodded, “Oh right, she and Julie are on the same flight.”

 

“Oh, it sounds like a lot of people can make it this year…I’m excited to catch up and…you know, talk about things.” Alex hinted.

 

Kelley’s chest tightened at Alex’s hint as to why she had arrived so early. It was obvious she wanted to do more than just talk- she wanted answers. Kelley tried to lighten the mood, “Talk? Uh oh, that doesn’t sound too good…”

 

Alex shrugged, “What? We can’t just catch up?” Kelley raised an eyebrow to that.

 

Tobin spoke up, taking a seat next to Alex on the living room couch, “Well, that’s a huge reason why I’m here early. I’m only a couple hour drive away from here and someone had to make sure that this one wasn’t too…invasive, for lack of a better word.” She shot Alex a warning look and a more sympathetic one towards Kelley.

 

Kelley chuckled nervously. Alex was known to be nosy, with good intentions of course, so having Tobin around always seemed to balance her outward personality, which had always been a joke between the three of them. Kelley took a deep breath, thanked her lucky stars that Carli hadn’t been part of the surprise, and turned to her two friends, “Well it’s really good to see you guys…I’ve missed you.”

 

Though they saw each other throughout the year due to national team duties and NWSL season, the best friends still lived on opposite sides of the country. Alex nodded in agreement, “We’ve missed you too. How’ve you been?”

 

“I’ve been good…well, great actually.” Kelley wasn’t sure how else to answer the question. She knew Alex wouldn’t be satisfied regardless.

 

Tobin looked around, “Where’s Kid O’Hara? It’s a little too quiet around here.”

 

Kelley knew there wouldn’t be any point to avoiding it much longer, so she replied with as much confidence as possible, “Hope is picking her up from school.” She kept her eye on Alex, who winced ever so slightly at the keeper’s name.

 

Alex did her best to stay civilized, “Right….right. So that’s going well, I assume?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s been good…they get along really well.” Kelley smiled just thinking about Hope and Henley’s relationship. She repeated, “It’s been good…for all of us.”

 

Alex couldn’t help herself and directly asked, “You’re together again, aren’t you?”

 

“It’s not what it seems, Al.” Kelley sighed, her eyes pleading for her best friend to understand.

 

“I’m all ears.” Alex folded her arms as she sunk further back into the couch, making herself comfortable, but more so letting Kelley know that she wasn’t going to leave without a full explanation.

 

“Hope’s changed…” Kelley began, allowing her voice to trail off for a slight moment. Before Alex could say anything, she quickly continued, “I know you don’t believe that, but you have to believe me. There’s just been some things that I’ve noticed…good things that make me feel like we’re going to make it, for real this time.”

 

“Like what?” Alex pushed.

 

“We talk…about everything. We’ve talked a bit about the past, what the future might hold for us…our current feelings…” Kelley felt her voice waver at the latter half of her statement. There were a _few_ things Hope and her hadn’t touched on, and they were of great magnitude, but Kelley figured they would sort things out when the time came. A part of her was of course nervous this certain lack of communication would back fire on them, but she couldn’t let Alex in on that, not right now. She spoke up again, “We’re really trying to make things work.”

 

“It makes sense, I guess…especially now that she’s starting to build a relationship with Henley.” Tobin pointed out, giving Hope the benefit of the doubt.

 

“Yeah, exactly…”

 

Alex remained silent, not fully convinced by Kelley’s argument. She finally conceded, “Kell, it’s not that I don’t believe you…I trust that you know what you’re doing, but the thing is, I just…I don’t trust Hope- and I don’t see myself doing so for a long time. This doesn’t change the way I feel about her.” She admitted honestly.

 

Kelley nodded in understanding, the guilt growing deeper inside of her knowing that the way Alex felt about Hope was mostly her fault. Alex had seen Kelley struggle with her feelings, not just in the past seven years with Hope’s absence, but ever since the young defender had met the keeper. Kelley sighed, “I hope that’ll change some day.”

 

The room fell silent again. For a moment, Kelley thought that the conversation had come to an end, but Alex was clearly still irritated by the thought of Hope’s return when she asked, “So, you’re _really_ together?”

 

Kelley, slightly frustrated, responded again, “Yes, Alex…we are. You can’t convince me otherwise. This is my life.”

 

“I know, I know…” Alex could tell Kelley was getting defensive, but she also wanted her friend to see where she was coming from. “Kell, I just want you to remember everything you experienced all these years…I don’t want to ever see you like that again. You were devastated, completely heartbroken.”

 

“You think I forgot that?” Kelley shot back.

 

“Well, I don’t know, it seems like you’ve just fallen back into Hope’s trap again.”

 

“You can’t say that!” Kelley stressed.

 

Out of frustration, Alex scoffed bitterly, “Oh come on, it’s Hope we’re talking about here. She taints practically anything she comes into contact with.”

 

“Alex…” Tobin warned her friend, sending a look that told her she was overstepping.

 

Alex narrowed her eyes, “Oh come on, Tobin, you remember just as well as I do how terrible it was seeing Kelley all dark and twisty.” Turning to Kelley, Alex’s expression softened, “You’re our best friend, Kell…we never want to see you get hurt again.”

 

Kelley looked between her two friends. Alex was clearly upset and Kelley knew that she’d always be on her side. She and Hope never had a steady relationship to begin with. Not because they didn’t like each other, but because Kelley had always vented her frustrations about Hope to the forward. But what caught Kelley’s attention the most, in that moment, was Tobin’s eyes and what they were telling her. Though Tobin was known to be level headed and calm, Kelley knew that she, too, still had her reservations about Hope. It began to make Kelley second guess her own feelings. _Was she making the same mistake again?_

 

Kelley looked down and admitted quietly, “You know this has always been hard for me…how I can’t just…when it comes to Hope, I…” Her voice cracked as she looked up at her friends, “You know how much she means to me.”

 

“Don’t let yourself get blindsided.” Alex stared right at Kelley, hoping her words would resonate.

 

Kelley swallowed, old hesitancies beginning to arise. “I just have to try, once more…I don’t want to be alone again. I can’t…”

 

Tobin finally added her opinion, “Take care of yourself, Kelley…it’s important you do that not just for yourself, but for Henley too. I’m scared if…” Tobin paused to gather her thoughts. She continued, “I’m scared that if things don’t work out between you and Hope, you won’t make it out again…you won’t be able to handle being broken again. I know you, Kell.”

 

Kelley knew Tobin was right. She felt herself get lightheaded just thinking about the fact that there was still a possibility of things not working out for good.

 

Alex let out a small chuckle, “Honestly, Tobin, you’re too kind for this world...I still want to beat the shit out of Hope for leaving Kell.”

 

Kelley grimaced at Alex’s choice of words, even if she was teasing. Trying to ease the tension as well, she joked along, “I’d rather not have the police show up to an eight year old’s birthday party, thank you very much.”

 

“Alright, alright…I’ll refrain from any physical contact.” Alex grinned. She mumbled under her breath, just loud enough for Kelley to hear, “Can’t make the same promises for Carli though…”

 

“Alex!” Kelley scolded before breaking out into a grin. It was good to see her friends again, even if the circumstances of their conversations weren’t exactly lighthearted. She had been thankful for all their support, and she knew they were just trying to keep her safe. She was lucky to have them, really. They caught up with other life happenings and Kelley lost track of time until she heard the front door swing open.

 

Before she knew it, Henley appeared in the living room. Instantly recognizing her aunts, she ran over to them, engulfing them in hugs. “Auntie Alex! Auntie Tobin! I didn’t know you were here!”

 

Tobin smiled, “Hey, kiddo!”

 

“We actually just got here today.” Alex informed the little girl as she leaned in for a hug. “Thought we’d surprise you and come early.”

 

“Well it’s a good surprise!” Henley exclaimed, now clinging on to Tobin’s waist.

 

Kelley smiled as she watched Henley interact with Alex and Tobin. They were family- her whole team was; Henley didn’t know otherwise. Prying her eyes off the three in front of her, Kelley looked to the side where Hope stood a few feet away. She, too, was watching Henley with her aunts. Hope eventually walked closer so she could stand beside Kelley. She didn’t want to come off aggravated, but she cleared her throat anyways.

 

Tobin looked up at smiled weakly, “Hi, Hope.”

 

Hope’s expression softened. Though Tobin had obviously been on Kelley’s side, as most people were, she could trust that the midfielder wouldn’t tear her to pieces. She smiled in return, “Hey…how you’ve been?”

 

“Good.” Tobin kept things short.

 

Hope nodded before turning her attention to Alex, whom she was more concerned about. Wrapping her arms protectively around Kelley’s waist, as if to let the forward know that she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. She nodded, “How are you, Alex?”

 

Alex’s jaw clenched as she stared at Hope’s hand around Kelley’s waist. She retorted, “You don’t have to do that with me, Hope. I’d rather not, actually.”

 

“Not now, Alex.” Hope warned her.

 

“Not now, what? Is there something you have to say?” Alex was clearly trying to egg her on.

 

Henley was oblivious to the tension growing and perked up, “Auntie Alex, Auntie Tobin, are you staying for dinner?”

 

Hope quickly shot Kelley a look, not excluding them from dinner, but one that was slightly worried. Kelley was torn, but before she could say anything, Alex muttered, “I don’t think we’re invited, Henley.”

 

Henley looked up at her mothers, “Momma, Mommy, do you think it’s alright if-”

 

“Nah, don’t worry about it Kid O’Hara…” Tobin diffused the awkwardness, “Alex and I already had plans for the night…we wanted to check out a place downtown.” She eyed her friend beside her, “ _Right_ , Alex?”

 

Alex glared straight at Hope, but gave in, “Yeah….” She turned to Henley and squeezed her, “We’ll see you again in a few days, okay Henley?”

 

“Aww…” Henley pouted.

 

“Hey, no whining…it’s your birthday soon! I’m looking forward to your party.” Tobin said as she hugged the young girl goodbye.

 

Henley just nodded and without another word, Alex and Tobin left the house. Henley dragged her backpack into her room, leaving Hope and Kelley alone. Kelley softly spoke up, “You know, maybe it wouldn’t have been all that bad to have them join us for dinner tonight.” She wasn’t trying to pick a fight, but she genuinely had missed her friends.

 

Still, Hope wasn’t pleased with Kelley’s tone of voice. “I didn’t say no.”

 

“You weren’t exactly welcoming, either.” Kelley pointed out.”

 

“Well, neither was Alex!” Hope exclaimed.

 

“Why do you let her do that to you?”

 

“I handled her just fine.” Hope protested.

 

“Well, I mean….why don’t you ever say something?” Kelley asked with no spite intended.

 

“What, like the truth?” Hope pressed, just to see how Kelley would react.

 

“Sure, I mean…” Kelley shrugged, “I don’t know why you haven’t said anything before. It’s been seven years.”

 

“I told you that didn’t matter to me anymore!” Hope thought to herself, _Then why does it feel like I’m lying?_ She brushed off the voice inside and pointed out, “Look, if it’s so important to you, then why don’t you just tell them yourself? Tell them what really happened.”

 

Kelley shot back, “Do you want me to?”

 

Hope sighed and gently placed her hands on Kelley’s shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. “All I know is that we can’t change what’s happened these past seven years. What matters the most to me now is what lies ahead, our future. Kelley looked down, sighing deeply. Realizing that Kelley was still uncertain about what to do, Hope assumed, “Kell, I’m beginning to think you want to tell them.”

 

“No,” Kelley quickly cut in, “I…don’t. It’s not their business.”

 

“Okay then, we won’t tell them.” Hope came to a conclusion. She said in reassurance, “As long as I have you, I’ll be okay…I’m happy now, Kell.” She leaned in to kiss Kelley’s forehead.

 

Kelley half smiled before looking at Hope, her voice a whisper, “How can you not hate me?”

 

Hope let the room fall silent. She wasn’t sure how to respond. She wasn’t going to lie and say that she hadn’t- that she still didn’t. She was working on trying to erase it, but there was still a very tiny bit of her that loathed Kelley for making a decision without giving her a proper chance. But yet again, had she been so caught up in herself that she had failed to see that maybe Kelley did give her a last chance? Maybe. Maybe not. That was seven years ago; it was hard to remember every single detail, every single word that had been said.

 

Hope gently leaned in and brought Kelley’s face to her own, pressing their lips softly together. She pulled away and let out a sad smile. Actions spoke louder than words, yet the silence around them remained unsteady.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone want to take a guess as to what's going down in the next chapter? ;)


	21. Talk Me Down (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henley's birthday party.

 

Hope felt out of place. Though it was _her_ daughter’s birthday being celebrated, an uneasy feeling settled inside her as the evening passed. The faces around her were all so familiar, yet so distant. Even in the midst of the familiar jerseys, her very own teammates, she still felt like she didn’t belong.

 

Throughout the party, Hope busied herself with anything she could to avoid conversation. Well, it wasn’t that she was avoiding talking to people; it was simply that no one had approached her. Other than Pinoe trying to include her every once in awhile, Hope found herself quietly standing off to the side. Kelley was too preoccupied with trying to entertain everyone that she herself didn’t have time to be by Hope’s side all the time. That also meant that Kelley didn’t see or hear half of what the team was doing and saying to (or rather, about) Hope. Alex and Ashlyn sent glares her way whenever she’d accidentally make eye contact with them. Even Press, Kling, and Moe were huddled in the corner and Hope swore she heard them whispering her name. She felt like she was being trampled on.

 

Carli, of course, was the worse. Any time Hope got anywhere remotely close to the midfielder, she’d “mistakenly” bump into her. When they had sung happy birthday, Henley had motioned for Hope to stand by her side, but was quickly distracted when Carli took her place instead, as if she were guarding the little girl. Hope had clenched her fists because how dare someone get in the way of her and her daughter. But when she saw the joy spread across Henley’s face as she looked up at one of her favorite aunts, Hope relaxed her hands. She couldn’t help the fact that they were close and in many ways, Hope had always wanted that for her little girl- a group of genuinely loving people to surround her.

 

Hope tried to look past her teammates’ inappropriate behavior for the sake of Henley. The party itself was going great. Henley was enjoying herself, and that’s all that really mattered. The party had started to die down once all of Henley’s friends left. The former teammates were the only ones remaining in the household. Everyone had gathered in the living room, which wasn’t very surprising considered they could talk for hours with each other. There was a lot of catching up to do between everyone and all the conversations seemed to be low key. Hope thought she might actually make it through the evening.

 

Noticing that Kelley had started to walk around with a trash bag, cleaning up the house as she went, Hope wandered towards her. She hadn’t seen Kelley for most of the party and just wanted to spend some time with her. She greeted quietly, “Hey there.”

 

Slightly startled by Hope’s approach, Kelley looked at Hope with widened eyes. She replied softly, “Oh hey.”

 

Hope laid her hand on Kelley’s lower back, guiding her close so she could press a soft kiss to the side of her head. Kelley flinched and Hope followed her sudden change in eye contact to where Carli stood just a couple feet away. Hope tried not to let this bother her and suggested, “Why don’t you put this down for a moment? We can clean up later. Plus, I feel like I haven’t seen you in awhile…we should just enjoy the rest of the night.” Hope’s eyes drifted to an inviting spot on the couch next to Pinoe.

 

Kelley mumbled, “I just want to clean up some things so we don’t have to do a lot tomorrow morning.” Hope could tell this was just an excuse. She didn’t want to believe it, but it felt like Kelley was reluctant to be with her. She couldn’t help but think that maybe there was a reason she hadn’t seen much of Kelley; maybe she had been avoiding her. Hope could still feel Carli’s glare on her and she was just about to respond to Kelley when she was interrupted.

 

“Oh my god!” Ali’s voice echoed for everyone to hear. She was kneeling in front of the bookcase near the television. “Are these old photo albums?!”

 

Henley’s head shot up from her place in between Kling and Morgan, who were trying to show her some magic trick with a deck of cards. She scrambled over to where Ali had started pulling out albums. She exclaimed, “Yeah! These are all my baby photos!”

 

Henley began eagerly flipping through the albums. Ashlyn peered over her and Ali’s shoulders, also eager to take a trip down memory lane. Henley looked at her aunts beside her while pointing down at a page of pictures, “Remember when Momma and I visited you for Christmas? That was so much fun!”

 

Ali nodded her head in agreement, “You two need to visit us more!”

 

Henley turned the page, causing Ashlyn to laugh as she looked down at a specific picture. “Oh my god, Tobin, come here. Remember when Kelley dared you to go out surfing in a Santa costume? Look, it’s Santa Tobin totally wiping out.”

 

Tobin rolled her eyes, but wandered over to see the photo album anyways. She couldn’t help but laugh herself, “That was so embarrassing, but so totally awesome.”

 

Alex added, “I can’t believe I missed that! The one time Servando and I decide to spend Christmas way from home…”

 

Ali held a new album in her hands and looked up at Kelley, “Wow, Kell, I didn’t know you had all these albums…oh my goodness, is that Henley? I don’t think she’s even a year old yet in these pictures.”

 

Henley leaned into Ali, “Where? I wanna see!” Ali pointed down at a picture and Henley’s eyes widened, “I was that small?!”

 

“You were!” Ali smiled and added, “And now look at you all grown up.”

 

“You were adorable, Kid O’Hara.” Ashlyn looked down at the picture and thought back to the past. “I remember when we visited you in New Jersey for the first time. All I wanted to do was cuddle you and pinch your cheeks!” The retired keeper gushed.

 

Henley looked down at the baby version of herself in awe. Suddenly, she grabbed the album from Ali’s hands and ran over to where Hope and Kelley still stood off to the corner. She quickly placed the album in Hope’s hands and pointed, “Look, Mommy, it’s me when I was a baby!” Henley then ran back to sit beside her aunts who had opened even more albums.

 

As soon as Henley placed the album in Hope’s hands, Hope felt like she had been transported back in time. She traced the photo of Henley in front of her; this was how she had remembered Henley all these years- a small bundle. She silently flipped through the next couple pages of the album on her own and with each page, a knot slowly formed in her stomach. In front of her were mostly pictures of baby Henley, but every few pictures or so, she’d come across Kelley. Guilt ate away at Hope as she realized how affected Kelley had been by their breakup. There were dark circles under her eyes and no matter how hard Kelley tried to smile, Hope could tell she was breaking inside. The expressions on Kelley’s face tore Hope apart. Not being able to look at anymore pictures, Hope quickly shut the album and looked ahead to where Henley had now crawled into Ashlyn’s lap, surrounded by Ali and Tobin. In that moment, it finally hit Hope that she didn’t just miss out on seven years with Henley. She had missed out on her entire childhood. She was never there for her first steps, the first day of school, the late nights when she was sick…she wasn’t there for any of that. Hope then realized that she couldn’t even think of one time that she had truly been _there_ , for Kelley.  

 

Laughter filled the room, bringing Hope out of her thoughts. She quickly realized that Henley had said something to cause everyone to light up. She caught the tail end of it as Kling joked, “Oh my goodness, Kid O’Hara, you are too much!”

 

Henley shrugged and asked innocently, “What?”

 

Heather, who was standing next to Carli, observed, “She’s so much like Kelley. I can’t get over it…she just has that spark, you know?”

 

“How can you not love that kid?” Carli smiled as she also watched Henley begin to goof off with her teammates. Glancing over to Hope and making sure she was just loud enough, she made a snide remark, “Anyone would be insane to walk out on that little girl.”

 

Knowing Carli was trying to pick a fight, Hope did her best to control her emotions. Yet, she replied coolly, “Can you just leave me alone for one second?”

 

“Oh, we haven’t even begun.” Carli shot back.

 

“Isn’t this getting old for you? You’ve spent all these years loathing me…how do you still have so much anger in you?” Hope asked.

 

Carli looked at Hope in disbelief, “Do you not remember what happened?”

 

Hope clenched her jaw, “Oh, trust me, I know what happened.”

 

“And yet, here you are. What in God’s name made you think you’d be welcomed back like this?”

 

“You don’t have a say in this.”

 

“Of course I have a fucking say in this. I’m not letting Kelley get screwed over by you _again_.” Carli’s voice rose.

 

Kelley interrupted quietly, “Guys, stop. Not _here_ , please.” She looked over to Henley, who was thankfully distracted by everyone else.

 

Her stare still fixed on Carli, Hope replied, “Don’t blame me. Carli’s the one acting like a piece of shit.”

 

She fired back in a harsh whisper, “Look at all the damage you’ve done, the mess you’ve created. Yeah, I might be an asshole now, but you’ve been one your whole life.”

 

Carli’s words stung Hope. She wanted to lurch forward, but found herself backing away instead. She quickly turned around and headed next door into the kitchen, placing two hands on the counter to steady her frustrations. She heard footsteps quickly follow.

 

“Hope…” Kelley’s voice was gentle. Hope’s back was to her, but she could easily tell that the older woman was trembling.

 

Hope turned around with tears brimming her eyes. Her voice shook, “I love you, Kelley.”

 

Kelley, slightly taken aback by Hope’s statement, slowly nodded her head. She stuttered, “I…I know you do.”

 

Hope pleaded, “I just need to ask you one more time…do you want this? Are you sure about this? About us?” Her eyes searched for comfort. She was freaking out and she needed Kelley to tell her that everything would be okay- that _they_ would be okay. She repeated, “I love you, Kelley…and I need to know that you’re in this with me.”

 

Kelley wanted to reply immediately, but found herself not being able to form an answer. No matter how hard she tried to push them down, old feelings and reminders of their failed attempts at a relationship resurfaced. Had she been second guessing them this whole time? Had she lead on Hope when she didn’t mean to?

 

Noticing Kelley’s hesitant behavior, Hope placed both hands on her hips and looked up at the ceiling, hoping that gravity would keep the tears from falling. Her voice wavered, “Well good to know.”

 

Kelley finally found her voice again, “Hey, I never…I just…Hope, where is this coming from?”

 

Hope knew these feelings of doubt had been present ever since she had arrived in Seattle, but the photo album in her hands just moments ago had truly set her off. She sighed, “I know I made a mistake…a huge one. I’m sorry for not being good enough for you, for not being the person you deserve. But I am not sorry for loving you, Kell. I know I’m not an easy person to be with, but I swear that every day since I met you, I’ve been trying to become better. You make me better. I hate myself for leaving you in the dark so many times and for everything I’ve put you through, but I won’t do it again. I’ve changed, Kelley. I truly mean it. Today I can say with all my confidence that I am f _inally_ good enough for you. I can finally give you my everything.”

 

Kelley didn’t know how to respond. She began, “I appreciate that, Hope…”

 

Hope shook her head, clearly not happy with her response. She immediately interrupted, “I hate how formal this all sounds…it’s so business like. I don’t…Kelley, please, be honest with me. Be real with me.”

 

“I wasn’t expecting all this tonight! I…I’m still trying to form my thoughts.” Kelley replied honestly.

 

“About us? Are you still not ready to-”

 

“I don’t know!” Kelley cut off Hope. She sighed, “I just don’t know.”

 

“Why didn’t you say something earlier? You can’t tell me that these last few weeks were not meaningful to you. I thought we were doing alright, but lately, I feel like you’ve been drifting away from me and I…”

 

“When have you felt that way?” Kelley questioned.

 

Hope shrugged, “Just look at tonight! Everyone’s been walking all over me since they arrived, and you’re not even around.

 

“You said you could handle them!” Kelley pointed out.

 

“I can handle them!” Hope stressed, but continued with what was really bothering her, “But it’s like you’re embarrassed to be with me. All I want is to be able to stand next to you without receiving glares from around the room, to kiss you whenever I want without hearing someone clear their throat, to just be with you, to love you. We’re supposed to be on the same page…we can’t keep doing this if we’re not both 100% in this together.”

 

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation right now.” Kelley glanced at the door, worried if other people could hear them- and that’s when she realized what Hope was trying to say. Maybe she wasn’t as committed to their new relationship as she thought she had been.

 

Hope pushed further, “What’s changed, Kelley? Everything was fine until this past week or so. It’s like a wall has gone up between us. Maybe the question I should be asking is: Can _you_ give your everything to me?”

 

“Damn it!” Kelley exclaimed loudly. She was sure that her teammates heard her, but she didn’t care. If Hope wanted to have this conversation now, she might as well start talking. Her eyes searched Hope, “How can you even ask me that?! So now you want to talk about walls going up? About leaving people in the dark? Welcome to the fucking club, Hope.”

 

“I’m sorry, okay?!” Another apology left Hope’s mouth. “It kills me to think about my absence all these years- seeing those pictures made me feel like…it’s torture, Kelley. Not a day goes by without me feeling guilt. I’m sorry.”

 

Kelley threw her hands up in frustration, “Why are you still apologizing?! I’m not asking you to say sorry! Don’t you think that you saying sorry over and over again makes me feel like shit?!” Her own guilt had been eating at her since Hope returned and Kelley still wasn’t sure how to deal with it. She had never been the one to have to apologize.  

 

“Well obviously not! You get to walk around here with the support of all your buddies. Meanwhile, like I said, I feel like I’m being tortured!” Hope exclaimed.

 

Kelley tried approaching their conversation from another angle and threw Hope’s own words back at her. “You’re the one who said that all that matters now is that we’re working again.”

 

“But are we really though?! That’s what I’m trying to ask you! If I’m being honest though, with the way you’re reacting to this, I think I’m ready and you aren’t.”

 

“I never said I wasn’t!”

 

“But you aren’t saying you are either!”

 

Kelley ran her fingers through her hair, frustration taking over her. “So am I just convenience for you?”

 

“What?” Hope wasn’t quite catching on.

 

“Hope, I’ve been ready so many freaking times. I was ready when you weren’t and now that you’re finally ready, you think that I’ll just be right there with you? I want to, Hope. I really do. God, I want this so bad…but can’t you just be patient while I figure things out and tread waters for a bit? I told you I wanted to see where things go.”

 

“No, you told me you were in. All in.”

 

“Fuck…” Kelley groaned, “I knew this would blow up…why didn’t you bring this up earlier?”

 

“Why didn’t you?!” Hope responded quickly.

 

Kelley hated how their conversation kept going in circles. She begged, “Stop answering my questions with other questions! We aren’t getting anywhere….we just…” Her reservations about their relationship were only being amplified. “I knew this was too good to be true…look at us, Hope. This is all we know how to do. People are right about us…maybe there was never a chance for us to pull ourselves out of this mess.”

 

Hope couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She bitterly huffed out, “If you keep saying that, we won’t. Stop trying to hold us back.”

 

“ _Me_?” Kelley knew exactly where their conversation was heading. Her voice cracked, “I thought you said it took two of us to get into this mess but suddenly it’s all my fault?” Hope broke their eye contact and looked to the side. Kelley urged her, “Just fucking say it, Hope.”

 

“I…I can’t.”

 

Kelley pleaded with her to speak the truth. Maybe then, her guilt would subside and she’d finally learn how to deal with everything she had been hiding all these years. “I know you want to say it… _please_ , just say it.”

 

Hope silently warred with her thoughts. She had spent the last seven years promising herself that she’d never let Kelley feel responsible for what happened between them. She was the one constantly screwing them over that whatever Kelley did could never amount to the damage and pain she had caused them ever since they met. But Hope was human. She had feelings; she had been hurting, too. So after all these years of convincing herself otherwise, Hope finally relented. She finally accepted that for once, she wasn’t at fault. She finally felt the question that had been haunting her all these years roll off her tongue.

 

 _“Why did you leave me?_ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...are y'all still with me on this?


	22. Down the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley's decision seven years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I built this entire story around this one chapter. It was the very first thing I wrote.

 

// April 2018

 

_“Where are you going?” A soft whisper echoed through the dark._

_Hope stopped a couple feet short of the bedroom door in front of her. With her back still to the direction of the voice, she whispered back in return, “It’s okay, Kell. Just go back to sleep.”_

_“No,” Kelley’s voice grew into more than a whisper. Sitting upright, she crossed her legs and asked, “Where do you go every night?” Lately, Kelley had woken up numerous times in the middle of the night only to find a cold, and empty, space beside her._

_Hope let out a heavy sigh. She knew it wouldn’t have been long before Kelley had noticed her absence. She walked back and sat on the edge of their bed, her body tilted away from Kelley. She mumbled in response, “Just out…to think on my own.”_

_Kelley speculated, “What is there to think about?”_

_“You know…the usual.” Hope knew her vagueness wouldn’t cut it and did her best to expand, “Just me and my thoughts- checking in with myself, I guess…like where I am in life, who I am…”_

_Kelley listened to Hope’s voice trail off into the dark. She stared at the keeper’s back, who was still intentionally keeping her distance. Kelley pleaded, “Hope, turn around and face me…”_

 

_Hope shifted her body amongst the bedsheets so she was aligned with Kelley. She looked towards the side window and watched rain drops trickle down its panes. It had been raining all evening. She noticed the moonlight shining through the droplets, turning each one into glitter and casting shadows across her wife’s concerned face. She reluctantly made eye contact with Kelley._

_Kelley quietly implored, “Why can’t you talk to me about these things?”_

_“I have to figure things out for myself…I can’t, and I don’t want to, bring you into this.” Hope’s response was immediate, as if she had been thinking about this for quite some time._

_“Why not?” Kelley breathed, impatience rising in her tone. “Isn’t that what I’m here for? We’re married, Hope. We vowed to do life together.”_

_“There’s just some things I have to do on my own…” Hope sounded helpless._

_“Well, can you at least clue me in on what’s going on in your head? What are your feelings? I want you to be able to talk to me about anything.” This wasn’t the first time these words were coming out of Kelley’s mouth. It was something they, well mostly Hope, had struggled with in their relationship. She needed to learn that letting people could be a good thing._

_Hope nodded and placed her hand on Kelley’s knee. “I know…”_

_Kelley looked down at Hope’s touch and sighed. The keeper was still reserved. She knew that no matter how much she pushed Hope, she’d continue to sound like a broken record. The couple sat in silence until Kelley spoke up again, frustration in the cracking of her voice, “We’re not where we’re supposed to be, are we?”_

_Hope wasn’t sure what Kelley had meant. She knew that it had always felt right with Kelley, that Kelley was the one. But sitting in the dark with the pitter patter of the rain synced with her irregular heartbeat, Hope’s heart and mind felt otherwise. Something wasn’t quite right and that’s what she had been struggling with over the past months. She didn’t know why, nor did she like it. She let out another heavy sigh._

_Kelley frantically searched for answers, “I…I don’t understand but you’re clearly not happy and-”_

_Hope instantly cut off the younger woman with a kiss, muffling her voice. Hope felt Kelley melt back into the kiss and after pulling away shortly after, Hope leaned her forehead against Kelley’s and whispered her name, “Kell…”_

_Kelley wasn’t going to let a small distraction get in the way of their conversation. She pushed forward, “No, we need to have this talk…you’re not happy, and I don’t think I am either.”_

_Hope’s eyes darted straight to Kelley’s, both of their sights finally adjusting to the moonlit room. She breathed softly, “What?”_

_“You’re not the only one feeling these things…” It killed Kelley to just even think about what she was going to say next. “Hope, I’ve been doing some thinking too and I’ve come to a decision…maybe it should be me who leaves this time around.”_

_“Leave?” Hope’s voice filled with panic. She hadn’t anticipated such a radical proposal from Kelley. “What? No, I never intended for you to feel like this…this was what I was trying to avoid. I didn’t want to bring you into all this.”_

_“That’s not possible!” Kelley responded dejectedly, “Hope, you are my life now. Just seeing you mope around already makes me involved in whatever you’re struggling to deal with. And honestly, I think you’ve been feeling this way not just these past few days, but these past months…”_

_“That’s just it, though. How do you know what I’m feeling? I don’t even know myself.”_

_“I can just tell…both of us know this feels a lot like the months after London. I think you know what the problem is too, Hope. You just don’t want to say it.” Hope remained silent as she soaked in Kelley’s words. “You’re not ready to commit.”_

_“No, I’m ready…” Hope said unconvincingly._

_Kelley shook her head, “No, you aren’t. Because if you were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. You wouldn’t be leaving in the middle of the night to fight your thoughts.”_

_Hope bit her lip, “Kell, you know I want to be more than ready, but-”_

_“-you just aren’t…I know.” Kelley looked to the ceiling, not believing they were facing the same problem yet again. She inhaled sharply, “I just wish I knew why…what I could do to-”_

_“This isn’t on you, Kelley. It’s me. It’s always been me…” Hope didn’t want Kelley to think she had given up though because truth was, she hadn’t. She resolved, “I know I’ve told you a million times before, but it comes down to the fact that I’m terrified. You’ve always known that my greatest fear is not ever being good enough.”_

_“But you are, Hope! You are good enough. For me.” Kelley stressed and continued, “No matter what you’ve done or will do, I’ve chosen you. My heart is all yours.”_

_Hope bit her lip, hating her own effect on the young defender. Kelley was hopelessly in love, and so was she, but Hope knew that reality would settle in and who she was, who she was intrinsically as a human being, could cause them great uncertainty in the future. Hope replied softly, “And I’m all yours, too.”_

_“Then why can’t you just accept things for what they are? You’re human, Hope. It’s okay to have faults. It’s okay to be scared.” Kelley looked at Hope, searching for a change in perspective, but was only met with dark blue eyes. She whispered in defeat, “I can’t do this anymore.”_

_Hope swallowed hard. She weakly responded, “I can fix this…I think…I just think that I might be exhausted. Everything’s happened so fast, and I’m not saying I regret it, I just…we jumped from zero to a hundred in a split second and I just feel like I got lost along the way.”_

_Kelley knew Hope was trying to salvage what they had, but she still couldn’t quite understand where any of Hope’s insecurities were coming from. “But what if you didn’t just get lost along the way? What if this whole time you’ve been feeling like this? That deep down you didn’t want this?”_

_“No, I want this...” Hope reassured Kelley, grasping on to her hand. “I swear, Kelley, you are it for me.”_

_“Then what’s wrong?!”_

_“Timing?” Hope’s eyes were wildly searching for resolutions. “We’re meant to be together. There’s no doubt about that, right? But…just what if this is all happening at the wrong time?”_

_“What is that supposed to mean?” Kelley asked in confusion. She pointed out, “Look, Hope, all I know is that you aren’t one hundred percent happy here, especially ever since Henley-”_

_“Stop, no.” Hope immediately interrupted. She shook her head, gripping on to Kelley’s hand tighter and staring straight into her eyes, “Don’t go there. That wasn’t a mistake. Henley’s the best thing to have happened to me…to us. Okay?”_

_Kelley felt Hope desperately press a kiss to the side of her head. She knew Hope loved their daughter, but she also knew that Hope still had her reservations. Something just wasn’t right. Hope still didn’t know what she needed or wanted, and Kelley wasn’t sure how to help her. She reluctantly repeated, “Hope, I can’t do this anymore…I still stand by my suggestion earlier. If I leave, then…”_

_“Kell, no. Don’t. I…I can’t…not without you. I can figure this out. I’ve stayed all this time, right? That has to mean something. I’m fine, I really am. I’ll be fine.”_

_The string of phrases coming out of Hope’s mouth held no meaning. Kelley’s voice filled with frustration, “Do you even hear yourself? One moment, you’re visibly upset with our circumstances and the next moment, you’re acting like everything is fine. Well it’s not fine, Hope. You’re right. Something isn’t clicking. Sure, maybe this is bad timing or whatever you think it is, but I can’t watch you do this to yourself any longer.” Kelley sighed in desperation, her voice cracking, “I think I need to distance myself…I need to be the one to leave, to make this decision for the both of us because you sure can’t.”_

_“That’s because I don’t want to!” Hope didn’t know how they ended up here, how she was suddenly pleading for Kelley to stay when she knew that all along, this was something she had so fondly entertained. Didn’t she want this? Didn’t she want some time apart?_

_“Neither do I!” Kelley retorted. “I don’t-”_

_Hope desperately planted another kiss onto Kelley’s lips, begging for entry. They remained locked into each other, hands wandering all over theirs. Kelley had been taken aback by Hope’s gesture, but she was never one to complain. Her bodily functions rendered useless at Hope’s touch. She found the strength needed to break away, placing her hands against Hope’s chest, “Stop, please…just…”_

_Hope didn’t listen. She continued to caress the young defender, leaving a trail of kisses down the defender’s neck._

_“Hope, please…” Kelley was weak, but forced herself to say out loud what had been the driving force behind her argument, “You won’t even tell me you love me.”_

_This brought Hope to a stop. Her face just inches away from Kelley’s, Hope frowned, “What? That’s not true.”_

_“Then say it.” Kelley challenged._

_Hope didn’t like where this was leading. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Kelley, she really did, it was just that she didn’t want to be forced into say something so meaningful. She took in Kelley’s challenging expression and realized that maybe she was right. She couldn’t remember the last time she had spoken those three words, and she didn’t know why. It had never been a problem for her in the past._

_“See?” Devastation hit Kelley in the form of tears brimming her eyes. “You don’t say it anymore.”_

_“Kell-“_

_“How do you think that makes me feel?” Kelley willed back the tears, slight anger overcoming the pain that she was experiencing. “You can’t even say it. You can’t even tell me how much I mean to you…that you love me.”_

_Hope forcefully kissed the freckled faced in front of her, partly to shut her up and partly because she needed to get a point across, despite many things unresolved._

_“Let me just show you.”_

_-_

_Laying side by side, out of breath, Hope and Kelley looked up to the ceiling, silently cursing themselves for caving. They knew that getting caught up in one another had always been a weakness of theirs and often times, they used it as a distraction. Coming down from the feelings of passion and lust they were currently experiencing, Hope wrapped her arms around Kelley, burying herself in the smaller woman’s neck. Feeling Hope’s breath against her skin and her heartbeat against her own heart, Kelley swore that maybe they had fixed things, that just maybe they’d be okay. But that feeling disappeared instantly as soon as Hope opened her mouth one last time that night._

_“You’re amazing, Kelley.”_

_The wrong three words._

_Kelley felt herself look behind her shoulder, shifting her body slightly so she could softly brush Hope’s kiss. Though it was soft, the kiss lingered on. Kelley needed it to linger on because deep inside, she knew it might be their last- and she needed to savor every last taste of it. Kelley turned back around, feeling Hope wrap her body around her, bringing her in and cuddling her close. Noticing that Hope’s hands had intertwined with her own, she brought them up to her mouth, kissing them tenderly all while thinking that ironically, the unity of their hands was the foundation of the ruins of their relationship._

_Hope fell asleep within seconds. Kelley laid awake, a tear rolling down her cheek._

_She had made her decision._

_-_

_The following morning, Kelley’s eyes fluttered open as the morning light peeked through their window. She was surprised that she had managed to get some sleep, especially after the night they had. Realizing that Hope had left for her morning run, Kelley knew what she had to do._

_Kelley immediately jumped out of bed, knowing that if she didn’t start moving now, she might change her mind. Neither of them could afford for her to change her mind. Opening her closet and then expanding to other places around the house, Kelley threw the first things she laid eyes on into various bags. Cleats, hoodies, baby bottles, diapers, books…there was no method to her madness; she was just throwing as much as she could into the car. They would figure out details later. Kelley just needed out._

_Only twenty minutes had passed since she had woken up. She was almost done packing and just needed to take of Henley’s needs at the moment. Kelley warmed up a bottle in the microwave for the little girl in her arms who was just waking up. Holding a baby with one arm, she started making multiple trips to the car. As she entered Henley’s room and threw in a couple more pieces of clothing into a plastic bag, a voice other than her own filled the nursery._

_“Kell? What are you doing?”_

_Kelley flipped herself around, startled by the older woman’s presence. She stuttered, “I…I thought you were on your run.” She looked down at her watch; Hope usually stayed out for the majority of the morning running trails in their neighborhood._

_Hope shook her head as she looked on with confusion, “Uh, no…I just ran to get some groceries…I thought I’d get up early and make breakfast for us.” Hope’s eyes glanced to the duffel bag lying at Kelley’s feet then to the baby carrier filled with blankets and then to the overstuffed diaper bag slouched across her shoulder. The situation dawned upon Hope, her voice wavering as she repeated, “Wh…what are you doing?”_

_Kelley bit her lip so hard she thought it had started to bleed. She faced Hope and with all the strength she could muster, she pointed out, “We’ve already talked about this.”_

_“What?” Hope’s eyes narrowed, but quickly filled with panic. “No, that wasn’t...I never…we didn’t talk about…” The keeper was in pure shock. Kelley had alluded to it, but Hope didn’t think she’d actually go through with it._

_“Just save it, Hope.” Kelley looked down as she brushed past her and out of Henley’s nursery, “I’ve made my decision.”_

_Hope followed Kelley down the hallway, pleading desperately, “Don’t do this, Kelley.”_

_Kelley whipped around once again, bringing them both to a halt. She finally blew up, frustration getting the best of her, “Do you think I want to do this?! You’ve given me no other choice!”_

_“I said I would fix this! Just give me time.”_

_“I’ve given you more than enough time! You don’t talk to me about anything! How am I supposed to help when you don’t say one word to me? I fucking hate this, but it’s the best option we have right now. We deserve to be happy.” Kelley lamented as she walked out the front door, loading the bags from her arms into her car sitting in their driveway._

_Hope ran her hands through her hair, shaking her head and wanting to pull each strand out. Her world was crashing down around her; she was literally watching Kelley slip away from her. She groaned, “Th…this isn’t happening. I stayed, Kell! For you! And now you’re just going to leave?!”_

_“You never wanted to stay!” Kelley retorted. “If I recall correctly, you were the one bringing up the idea of leaving me in the first place!”_

_“But I stayed!” Hope didn’t know what other argument to use and she was panicking because if she didn’t do something about it, Kelley would be gone in a heartbeat._

_“I’ve made up my mind. I can’t keep doing this with you.” Kelley shut the trunk of the car, still careful with Henley in her arms._

_A lot of thoughts were flying across Hope’s mind at this point, but she was jolted alert when her eyes fell on her little girl. Hope narrowed her eyes and stuttered, “Y…you..you can’t take Henley away from me. You can’t do that to me, Kell…she’s my little girl, too. I love her.”_

_Kelley looked down at Henley, whose eyes widened as she was now fully awake. Kelley couldn’t help but feel a hint of envy at the fact that Hope wouldn’t express her deepest affection for anyone other than Henley. If only Henley could convince Hope that they, as a whole family, would be just fine. She looked back up at Hope, knowing that separating them was completely wrong of her but also something that so desperately needed to be done. She swallowed back tears. “I…I know you do.”_

_“Then don’t take her away from me…I love her.”_

_Kelley shook her head and stood her ground, “I believe you, Hope. But I also know that you love Henley so much that you’re going to let her go. We both know that this whole ‘I’m not good enough’ is going to manifest into your attitude towards her, so you’re going to let me take her because she doesn’t deserve to grow up in the toxic environment that you’re often associated with.”_

_Hope was speechless. Everything that Kelley was saying was the truth, though it was excruciatingly painful. Kelley could see, and feel, the desolation rolling off Hope in waves. Realizing the magnitude of her decision and the fact that she was depriving her daughter of knowing her own other, Kelley was suddenly on the verge of tears. She looked up to the sky and moaned, “God, why can’t we ever catch a break?! I’m so sick of this…of us failing to work every damn time. I’m just sick of it.”_

_Hope quietly pleaded, “Please….don’t go.”_

_“It…it’s the right decision.” Kelley replied quietly, more so to reassure her own self that there was indeed logic behind her reasoning._

_“I need you, Kell…I promise that I’ll work things out.” Hope begged._

_“Just stop making promises you know you can’t keep.” Kelley further explained, “Life is too short for us to be this unhappy…I…I have to let you go. You stopped fighting for us and I don’t know why that is, but I do know that it’s time for me to take matters into my own hands for once.”_

_Hope was starting to get pissed off hearing over and over again that she had stopped fighting. That wasn’t true, or at least she didn’t think it was. She was simply trying to identify the emotions she was experiencing and though she wasn’t great at communicating, she didn’t think she should be stripped of the things that meant the most to her._

_Kelley gave an ultimatum, “I’ll give you one last chance…” Hope perked up and listened closely. “Look, if we leave right now and you chase after us to stop me, then I know you’re all in…that you’re ready for us.”_

_“I’m trying to stop you now!” Hope protested._

_“No, me actually leaving is a whole different story. If I physically leave, will you run after me?” Kelley questioned. Hope looked at her helplessly, no words able to roll off her tongue. Kelley sighed sadly, “And there you have it…see? You’re not going to do that. Hope, you’re going to let us go whether you like it or not.”_

_“Th…that’s not true…” Hope didn’t know how to make them say. Sure, chase after her, Kelley had said, but it wasn’t that simple. It was never that simple._

_Kelley shuddered, knowing tears were on the brink of her eyes. She turned around to settle Henley in her car seat, but Hope’s voice urgently stopped her._

_“The least you could do is let me say goodbye.” Hope appealed one last time, causing Kelley to turn around and just nod slowly. Hope crossed the driveway and Kelley placed Henley in the strong keeper’s arms. Kelley watched as Hope brought their little girl against her chest and held her as tight as possible. Hope cupped Henley’s small head in the crook of her own neck and kissed the side of her head, gently rocking her back and forth. The sight alone almost made Kelley change her mind. Kelley wanted to give Hope as much time as she needed, still feeling incredibly guilty of destroying their bond, but knowing it was the only way for Hope to concentrate solely on herself and find peace. After a few more minutes of cradling her daughter, Hope leaned down with her eyes closed and whispered an apology into the baby’s tiny ear, “I’m so sorry, Henley.”_

_As soon as the apology left Hope’s mouth and hearing the defeat in the crack of her voice, Kelley burst into tears. Hope shouldn’t have been apologizing; it was and wasn’t her fault all at the same time, and Kelley knew she couldn’t go back on her decision. Not now._

_Hope handed back Henley into Kelley’s arms, surprising her own self that she hadn’t shed a tear quite yet. Hope muttered quietly, “Why are you doing this to me?”_

_Kelley turned around, not giving Hope an answer because frankly, she wasn’t really sure herself. Hope wasn’t happy. Therefore, she wasn’t happy. Hope wanted her to stay. She herself wanted to stay. Yet, here she was, all packed and ready to exit the keeper’s life. She responded with another question, “Why do you have to make things so difficult for us?”_

_Watching Kelley begin to strap their little girl into her car seat finally set Hope off. In one last effort, she begged, “Wait, Kelley...I can promise you one thing.”_

_“Hope…”_

_“I know I can’t promise you that I’ll run after you right now, as soon as you leave. Well, I know I won’t. You’re right. But I can promise you that I’ll meet you down the line. We’re not working right now, for reasons that I’m determined to figure out, but I swear we’ll make it one day. That’s my promise to you…so if you leave now, I just…I want to know if you’ll meet me halfway. Please, meet me down the line.”_

_Kelley wiped tears from her eyes, hating how articulate Hope could be. She muttered truthfully, “I don’t know if I can do that…I can’t promise that to you.”_

_As Kelley finished strapping Henley into her car seat, Henley started to fidget and whimper. She hated not being held. As soon as the sounds of Henley’s cries reached Hope’s ears, everything suddenly began to hit her with full force. She was losing everything. Her voice shook with tears, “Kelley, p…please. Please don’t do this. I…I need you.”_

_“You’re only making this harder for yourself.” Kelley shut the car door, only making Henley wail louder. She ordered, “Let us go.”_

_The mixture of Henley’s loud cries and all the emotions accumulating all at once caused Hope to  finally find the words that had been so hard for her to say. “I love you guys.”_

_But no matter how genuine Hope tried to be, there was no weight behind her words. This time, Kelley didn’t say it back._

_“Goodbye, Hope.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this was kind of a lot to take in...feel free to chat with me about it :)


	23. Talk Me Down (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henley's birthday party continued.

 

Henley winced at the mixture of exclamations and shouts coming from the kitchen. It hadn’t been long since Carli and Alex had followed Hope and Kelley down the hallway. Now, the muffled sounds of a quiet conversation were getting louder and louder. Voices were becoming distinct and everyone knew that whatever was going on in the kitchen had caught on fire real quick.

 

_“Shut the fuck up, Hope!”_

Pinoe looked in sympathy at the little girl in between Ashlyn and Ali, still with a photo album in hand, but her head locked in the direction of all the yelling.

 

_“Just stay out of this, will you?!”_

Sending a quick look to Kling and Morgan across the room, Pinoe cleared her throat loudly, catching the attention of the eight year old. “Hey, Henley, would you be up for some night soccer?”

 

Henley turned towards Pinoe and just shrugged. Kling added, “Oh, I love night soccer! That would be fun!”

 

_“Kelley, just answer my question!”_

Henley’s head snapped back in the direction of the kitchen. Kling quickly nudged Morgan, who stuttered, “Uh…yeah, Henley, night soccer is a lot of fun! I noticed a couple soccer balls laying out in the front yard.”

 

Pinoe stood up and opened the door, encouraging Henley to follow, “Come on. Let’s play.” Henley, now fully distracted, got up from her place among all the photo albums and followed her three aunts out into the front yard and away from the muffled sounds that only got louder by the second.

 

-

 

Kelley blinked. She hadn’t had the chance to say a word ever since Carli and Alex had joined them. Ever since her two infuriated teammates entered the kitchen, her and Hope’s conversation had been cut short. Now, Carli, Alex, and Hope were in a full out screaming match. No matter how much she wanted to intervene, Kelley stood frozen in her place. She had been waiting so long to hear Hope address the decision she had made so many years ago, but actually hearing her say it out loud left the young defender completely stunned. She had anticipated this moment, playing it over and over in her head; what she would say, how she would respond, and yet, she was speechless. There was a long list of reasons as to why she left, so why had she felt so guilty all these years? Wasn’t the decision she had made the right one?

 

“Will you just leave us alone?!” Hope groaned loudly.

 

“Absolutely not!” Alex protested loudly. “I’m not leaving you alone with Kelley.”

 

“For the hundredth time, this is between the two of us!”

 

“Kelley wasn’t the only one fucked over by you, Hope.” Carli stared at her best friend, rage in her eyes.

 

Hope frowned, “What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“I think you know the answer to that.”

 

“What? No, I don’t, I just…this is not the time, Carli!” Hope yelled in exasperation.

 

“Oh, okay, if it’s not the time, then what the hell are we all doing in this kitchen?!” Alex shot back.

 

“I didn’t ask you to come in here! I just…Kelley and I were just talking!”

 

“Bullshit! You two don’t talk! Kelley doesn’t-” Carli began.

 

“Will you stop speaking for her?!” Hope raised her voice and turned to face Kelley, who had remained silent. “Kell, I can’t do this here…I’m going to head out. When you have an answer to my question, give me a call.”

 

Kelley watched as Hope exited the kitchen, her emotions building up inside. Following Hope back into the living room, she found her voice again and shouted, “Stop running away from me!”

 

Hope stopped dead in her tracks, well aware that she and Kelley were surrounded by their team. She didn’t care. To Hope, the only person in the room was Kelley. Her eyes brimming with tears, Hope’s voice filled with ache, “ _Me?_ You think I’m the one doing the running?”

 

“You’re literally halfway out the door.” Alex scoffed from aside.

 

Ignoring the other brunette, Hope stared at Kelley. “I’m not running…I just can’t do this tonight. I told you to give me a call when you’re ready.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” Carli exclaimed.

 

“Guys, what is going on?” Ali asked, completely bewildered at the strong emotions filling the room.

 

Ashlyn looked back and forth between her two friends and assumed, “Looks like Hope is repeating history again.”

 

Hope continued to block out everyone else. She pleaded, “Why won’t you answer me, Kell? Please…I need to know. Just, _why_?”

 

Kelley mumbled quietly, “You know why.”

 

“That’s not a real answer.” Hope retorted, the edge in her voice enough to alarm Carli, who took a step forward. Hope growled, “Don’t fucking touch me, Carli.”

 

“Don’t give me a reason to, then.” Carli crossed her arms.

 

“I’m not!” Hope looked at Kelley for help, “Are you seeing what they’re doing to me?! Are you just going to stand there and watch?”

 

“Leave her alone, Hope.” Ashlyn took a step forward as well.

 

Tobin tried to simmer down the tension, speaking up, “You guys, just chill out.”

 

Carli stared straight at Hope, squaring her shoulders with the keeper and moving closer so that they were no more than a couple inches apart. “This is long overdue.”

 

And with that, the midfielder lunged forward.

 

-

 

Standing in her yard-sized makeshift goal, Henley dived for a ball that Kling kicked towards her. She opened her eyes, clutching the ball in her hands. She smiled mischievously at her aunt.

 

“You’ve got mad skills, Kid O’Hara!” Kling’s jaw dropped.

 

Pinoe smirked at her teammate, “You’ve lost your touch, Kling.”

 

“I have not!”

 

“An eight year old just blocked your shot.” Morgan pointed out, laughing.

 

Henley grinned and asked innocently, “My mommies say that one day, if I practice really hard, I could win the gold cup like you guys!”

 

Now it was Kling’s turn to smirk, “You might want to get your facts straight first, kiddo. Did you mean the Olympic gold medal or the World Cup?”

 

“Both.” Henley sassed in return.

 

Everyone reduced to laughter. Henley remained distracted for quite some time until her head snapped towards the house at the sound of a small crash from within the house. She wasn’t sure what had made the loud noise, but she began to stare towards the living room window where many different figures stood. She concentrated on the happenings through the window, shaken with worry.

 

Following Henley’s line of sight, Pinoe realized that whatever had been going on in the kitchen had moved to the living room- and more people seemed to be involved. Walking off the front yard and towards the house again, Pinoe muttered under her breath, “That’s it.”

 

-

 

Hope opened one eye cautiously, surprised that she was still standing in one piece. The last thing she remembered was Carli lunging forward before the loud noise. In front of her, she noticed Tobin and Heather calming an outraged midfielder and a vase knocked to the ground. It appeared that her two teammates had stopped Carli just in time from doing who knows what. Hope relaxed her clenched fists.

 

“You two are being ridiculous!” Christie scolded. “You’re adults! Start acting like ones!” 

 

“I didn’t do anything!” Hope looked offended.

 

“That’s it, you’re asking for it, Hope-” Carli lunged forward again, but failed to go anywhere in the grip of her teammates.

 

Alex narrowed her eyes, “Don’t act like you’ve done nothing wrong.”

 

“But I…” Hope began.

 

Before Hope could continue, Pinoe barged through the front doors, exclaiming, “What the _fuck_ is going on here?!”

 

“We were just-” Ashlyn began, but was quickly interrupted.

 

Pinoe looked between Hope and Kelley, knowing that the two were really focused on each other. She shook her head at the immaturity of her teammates and ordered, “Everyone take like five steps away from either Hope or Kelley. Give them some space, will you? This isn’t our business! I know we’re all concerned, but they need to figure it out on their own okay? I don’t know what everyone’s problem is tonight, but you all need to calm down!”

 

Carli protested, “Megan, you-”

 

Pinoe ignored her. She raised her voice, now staring at Hope and Kelley alone. “And you two… _Jesus Christ!_ This is not the place for this!” She pointed towards the front yard, “Have you forgotten that you have a _child_? A child who is old enough to understand everything you say, or in this case, shout?! Get your shit together before you hurt Henley, okay?”

 

Hope and Kelley looked down, ashamed at themselves. Pinoe thought she had gotten through her teammates and was quite proud of myself for controlling the situation- that is, until Hope spoke up.

 

Staring right at Kelley, Hope’s lip quivered as she whispered quietly, “I didn’t think I was going to make it, you know.”

 

“Hope…”

 

“Just let me finish, okay?” Hope pleaded, also taking a moment looking around at everyone around her. She took a deep breath, ready to share her deepest secret. “There was one night…about a year after you left me. I thought about...I just…” Hope gulped, her voice trembling, “It was the lowest point of my life. I just had no desire to live anymore. I remember thinking to myself, what was the point? I lost my passion. I lost my team. I lost my friends. I lost Henley. I lost you. I lost myself.”

 

“I never meant-”

 

“You broke me.” Hope interrupted Kelley’s voice and let out softly, “I needed you, Kell. Even after everything I did, knowing the type of person I was, you stayed with me…you _married_ me. And that meant the world to me, Kell. I know I never expressed it enough, but I’ve always known that I’d be okay as long as I had you. But when I needed you the most…you just…you gave up on me. The one person I thought who’d love me no matter what just…stopped. You stopped loving me, Kell…and I…I needed you then- just like I need you now. So please, just don’t…don’t lead me on anymore.”

 

Kelley shook her head, “Th…that’s not fair…you gave up when I…”

 

“But I _stayed_.” Hope thought back on the many times she had warred with herself, fighting the urge to leave every day. Though she was torn inside, she never planned on leaving ever again. She wanted to stay for Henley.

 

“Wait, what is going on?” Alex began, clearly confused at every word coming out of Hope’s mouth. “Guys-”

 

“ _Why?_ ” Hope interrupted, and though her voice was soft, it echoed throughout the room. Everyone was suddenly lost in Hope’s one worded question, a devastated plea more than anything. Hope’s voice quivered as she repeated, “Why did you leave me?”

 

The room remained silent except for a small chuckle that had escaped Carli’s mouth. She gritted her teeth, “Oh that’s _gold_ , Hope. Just when I thought you couldn’t do anything worse, you go ahead and place the blame on Kelley? Jesus, I’ve never seen anything like this before. Leave it up to you to fuck us all over even more and-”

 

“Carli, _stop_! Just shut up!” Kelley closed her eyes, an edge to her voice that seemed to silence the midfielder.

 

 

In that moment, all the pieces began to fall into place. All the unanswered questions were reconciled; all the emotions raging in the room were suddenly numbed. No one knew what to say. It wasn’t there place to, anyways.

 

“I knew it.” Pinoe was the first to speak up, mumbling to herself. She looked at Hope and then glanced directly at Kelley, her eyes scolding, “This is the truth, isn’t it?”

 

Kelley opened her eyes and looked nervously at everyone surrounding her. Finally saying what she should’ve said years ago, she nodded and softly admitted, “Hope’s right...I…I left. I was the one who left.” She could feel the stares of teammates burning through her.

 

Ali spoke up, just barely being able to form her thoughts. “So all this time, we thought that Hope…but then…it was actually you who…” Ali brought a hand to her mouth in shock.

 

“What the hell, Kelley?” Heather looked at her friend, severely disappointed.

 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Ashlyn asked in an accusatory tone.

 

The string of questions continued. Kelley defended herself, “I…I didn’t…you all just assumed.”

 

Alex’s eyes widened, “You were so upset though…you called me crying and-”

 

“Of course I was upset, Alex…” Kelley sighed.

 

“So when you called me that day….when you said you were going to Jersey…oh my god. You left _that_ day?” When Kelley didn’t respond, Alex had her answer. She had been in the wrong this whole time.

 

“Hope…” Another voice other than Kelley’s breathed out. Heather looked at the former keeper and sighed, “Why haven’t you said anything? I mean, I know this was supposed to be between you and Kelley, but this whole time you just…you let us treat you so…so awful.”

 

Though the truth was finally out, Hope was still wildly uncomfortable at her teammate’s involvement with hers and Kelley’s relationship. She murmured, “It’s complicated.”

 

“No shit.” Tobin let out from under her breath.

 

“I…I’m so…Hope, why-” Alex immediately wanted to make things right, even though she felt like that just might not be possible.

 

“No, stop.” Hope ordered. Just as much as she hated their involvement, she hated their sympathy more. She turned her focus back onto Kelley, who was the only person she had really cared about this whole time. She admitted, “I can’t do this with everyone right now…I need to go.” She crossed the room to the closet where her jacket was hung up.

 

Panic filled in Kelley’s eyes. She didn’t want Hope to leave quite yet; their conversation wasn’t over. “Wait, Hope…”

 

Alex turned to Kelley, absolutely floored that her friend had never said anything. “You should’ve told us, Kell.”

 

Turning her attention to her friend for a moment, Kelley tried to explain, “I…I wanted to, but then everything happened so fast…and time flew by and I was so busy focusing on taking care of Henley.” She knew she could’ve been more eloquent with her words, but Kelley was distracted by Hope looking for her shoes under the pile at the front door.

 

“You’ve had seven years to tell us the truth.” Ashlyn added from her end of the room, also amazed at the situation at hand.

 

“I…I know.” Her eyes still focused on Hope, Kelley replied, “I was embarrassed…everyone had predicted that Hope and I wouldn’t make it for a second time. I wanted to prove you all wrong…so when we were falling apart again…we…I was the one who just called it off and I was so…ashamed…” Kelley’s sentences were becoming more disconnected. “Hope, wait up…”

 

Hope had just finished putting her shoes on, trying her best to block out the voices around her. She had started down the front porch steps when a small voice stopped her.

 

“Mommy?” Henley was standing in the front yard, a soccer ball in her hand and Kling and Morgan just a few feet away, confusion written all over their faces. Henley walked a few feet forward towards Hope, innocently asking, “Where are you going?”

 

Completely flustered, Hope’s eyes widened, “I just…I just have to go.”

 

“Where?”

 

“I don’t know, Henley.” Hope looked towards her car.

 

“But…but you always stay with us.” Henley narrowed her eyes, looking back at the group of adults clustered around their front porch step. She wasn’t quite sure what was happening, but looked up at Hope again, asking, “Wh…why are you leaving now?”

 

Hope didn’t have an answer and looked desperately back at Kelley who had just started to make her way towards them. Realizing the uncomfortable tension in the air, Henley feared the worse. She asked Hope, “Are you leaving for good, Mommy?” Hope ignored Henley and continued to walk down the path away from the house, just about to reach the main road when Henley shouted, “You are, aren’t you?! You’re leaving…for good.”

 

Hope stopped in her tracks, turning around to shake her head, “No, I’m not…I just…”

 

“Where are you going?” Henley repeated. “Are you upset?”

 

“Henley, I…”

 

Henley suddenly accused, “Is this why you and Momma are fighting? And Aunty Carli? And Aunty Alex?” She turned back to look at Kelley a couple feet behind her. Noticing that not only was Kelley upset, but many of her aunts behind her, Henley was stunned. She hated seeing the people she loved the most in her life so upset. Hope stared at Henley in a loss for words, but watched as the little girl ran back towards the house, past Kelley and to the person she knew who would always be honest with her. Henley tugged on her shirt, “Aunty Carli, you’re sad that my Mommy’s leaving again, aren’t you?”

 

Carli stared at the ground. She hadn’t lifted her head to meet Hope throughout this entire conversation. She just couldn’t. She looked to the side, furiously wiped a tear away and remained silent. Kelley had followed Henley, placing her hands on the young girl’s shoulders. “Henley, please…”

 

Henley looked at Kelley, her eyes alarmed. “Why? Why is Mommy leaving? She doesn’t love us anymore, does she?”

 

“Damn it.” Hope cursed under her breath as she took a few steps towards the house again. She reached out, “Henley, I just…I’m not-”

 

“I _hate_ you!” Henley cried in an outburst. She looked frantically between all her aunts, who were just as bewildered as she was, and shouted at Hope, “I hate you for leaving all the time!”

 

Hope felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. Henley’s outburst was taking her by the storm, but what made her even angrier was the assumption that maybe Kelley, and her former teammates, had been saying things to Henley all these years. She had thought that Henley knew nothing about their split, but from the look on Henley’s face, it appeared that maybe deep down, Henley had her reservations about the mother who had abandoned her. Hope couldn’t really blame the eight year old though. To Henley, Hope was just someone who had neglected her for her entire childhood. Of course she would side with Kelley and her aunts. Hope realized how stupid she was to think that Henley could look past her shortcomings and just love her. Indeed, Henley was the one who had every right to loathe Hope. Though it hurt like hell, Hope couldn’t blame the little girl for thinking like that.

 

“This is the worse birthday every!” Henley shouted her complaint, tears streaming down her face as she wrapped her arms around Kelley’s waist and buried herself further into her mother.

 

Hope began to back away slowly. When she had decided to return, she never pictured it like this. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Henley. She didn’t want to make things worse than they already were- but yet again, was it _really_ her fault? Hope shook her head at Kelley, who had never broken eye contact with her. Her blue eyes dulled over and morphed into the dark night. They screamed what everyone else, herself included, was thinking.

 

_Look what you’ve done, Kell._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...but like, whose fault is this really?


	24. The Ultimatum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley try to work things out for the sake of Henley.

 

“Momma, where’s my puffy jacket?!” Henley’s voice echoed down the hallway.

 

Turning in her seat, Kelley called back, “It’s in the hallway closet where we keep all our winter clothes!”

 

“I don’t see it!”

 

“Really? It should be next to my raincoat!” Kelley frowned.

 

After a slight pause, Henley shouted, “Oh never mind, I forgot I already packed it in my bag!”

 

Kelley just shook her head and turned to Alex who was sitting beside her at the kitchen counter. Kelley smiled, “What am I going to do with that girl?”

 

Alex smiled in return. Her demeanor became serious as she noted, “She seems to be feeling better.”

 

Kelley inhaled sharply, thinking back on everything that had happened recently. It had been a few days since her birthday party where everything, for lack of a better word, exploded. She lowered her voice, “Yeah…she’s been pretty quiet lately, but I think as each day passes, she returns to her normal self. A lot happened and she was overwhelmed.”

 

“Understandable…” Alex nodded before asking warily, “Has she…uh…mentioned Hope?”

 

“No…” Kelley softly whispered, looking down. Hope and her hadn’t had a chance to talk since the party, not because they didn’t want to, but because they thought it might be best to allow some space for feelings to simmer down. But they couldn’t avoid it forever and decided they needed to start a conversation sooner rather than later. Looking up at Alex, Kelley mentioned earnestly, “Thanks for taking her for the day…I really appreciate it.”

 

“Of course, of course…” Alex waved her friend off. “I need some Kid O’Hara time especially since I won’t see you guys until after the New Year. Plus, it’s the least I could do…you know, with everything that’s happened and…I just want to give you two the space you need.”

 

Kelley bit her lip, glancing towards the clock. Hope would be over for dinner shortly. She locked eyes with her friend again and sighed heavily, “Alex, I don’t know where this is going to go.”

 

“At least you’re talking…” Alex pointed out.

 

“Yeah…yeah.” Kelley repeated to reassure herself. “That counts for something right?”

 

“As long as it’s constructive.”

 

“Right, yeah…of course.”

 

Alex held Kelley’s stare, almost as if she were reprimanding the young defender. “No more running.”

 

Kelley nodded, sighing again, “No more running.”

 

Alex hesitated before making up her mind to just ask her friend, “There’s really no way for me to beat around the bush, but Kell…I just need to know. Why?”

 

“Alex, you know I can’t even give Hope a proper answer and-”

 

Alex quickly interrupted, “No, not that…I mean…why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me, or any of us, the truth?”

 

Kelley thought long and hard about her reasoning. She ended up just shrugging, “It was too late.”

 

“Better late than never.” Alex cut in.

 

“I know…” Kelley relented and then further explained, “We sort of just got into the swing of things, Henley and I that is…we had a routine. We were fine on our own and that was life as I knew it. Hope just wasn’t in the picture anymore.”

 

Alex mumbled in return, ashamed by her own actions, “She didn’t deserve to be the punching bag.”

 

“I guess I just figured that she wouldn’t be affected since she basically disappeared?” Kelley pondered and then pointed out honestly, “I didn’t think she was coming back.” Alex shot her a look, _Really?_ Kelley countered, “It’s been years!”

 

Alex nodded, “I guess I can’t blame you entirely either…I just wish you told us the truth sooner.”

 

“I wish I did too.” Kelley sighed in agreement.

 

“None of us expect for…all of this to pan out this way...” Alex’s voice trailed off.

 

Kelley knew exactly what her friend was thinking. She murmured quietly, “Have you heard from Carli?”

 

Alex shook her head. “She won’t answer my calls.”

 

“Same here…” Kelley groaned in defeat. “She’s probably feeling awful and it’s my fault that she had such a distorted perception of Hope all these years. This one’s on me.”

 

Alex mentioned, “I leave tomorrow, but I think Carli’s plan was to stay for another week or so, right? She’ll come around. She can’t avoid this forever.”

 

Before Kelley had the chance to reply, Henley bounced into the room and stood in front of the two adults, “Auntie Alex, you ready?!”

 

“Ready as I’ll ever be!” Alex’s expression lightened up as she stood up and grabbed her keys. The new ice skating rink had opened downtown for the winter and that’s where Alex and Henley were to spend their afternoon. As soon as they left, Kelley immediately started picking up things around the kitchen. Before she knew it, the house was pretty much spotless, which meant she was nervous. She only cleaned when her nerves got to her. She didn’t know why she was so nervous…they were just going to have dinner- and a conversation- together. It couldn’t be all that bad.

 

The doorbell rang and Kelley wandered to the front door, opening it with one swift motion. Hope stood in front of her, bundled up due to the cold weather. Kelley found her piercing blue eyes, immediately getting lost in the sharp blue contrasted against the grey skies.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hi.”  Kelley breathed, motioning for Hope to come in.

 

Hope stayed quiet as she followed Kelley into the house. Once she saw what was on the kitchen counter, she couldn’t help but smile, “Burgers and milkshakes, huh?”

 

Kelley sheepishly looked at the keeper, “It’s one of those days.”

 

“Indeed it is…” Hope said nothing more as she grabbed her portion and sat down on the couch. Whenever she and Kelley fought, or when one of them was feeling “off” for some reason, the other would order burgers and milkshakes. It was a tradition they had started long ago in London when Kelley felt like she had played terribly and Hope showed up at her hotel door with take out in her hand.

 

The pair sat on the couch together and had their dinner. They talked about trivial things and actually enjoyed each other’s company, despite the elephant in the room. Kelley was most surprised by their so far low key night, especially after seeing Hope so heartbroken the other night. They had unfinished business from the conversation at the birthday party, and when Hope kept glancing towards the hallway so often that Kelley began to notice, the young defender knew they couldn’t avoid the situation any longer. She sighed, “Henley’s out with Alex, by the way.”

 

Hope looked back at Kelley, like she had been caught. Calming down, she nodded, “Yeah…you mentioned that earlier.”

 

Kelley looked at Hope with sympathy and carefully placed her hand on Hope’s knee. She decided to get it over with, “Hope, she didn’t mean anything she said.”

 

Hope whispered back in defeat, “You don’t know that, Kell.”

 

Kelley thought back on the night, “We were all just upset…” She continued to plead with her, “She’s cooled down…these last few days of giving each other space has been nice.”

 

“Right…right…” Hope looked into the distance.

 

The room rendered quiet again, but Kelley decided to test the waters and intertwined her hand with that of Hope’s. She urged, “Can we try talking about this all again?”

 

Removing her hand from Kelley’s grip, mostly so that she could think straight without any distractions, Hope nodded, “That’s what I’m here for.”

 

Kelley tried not to let Hope’s removal of touch bother her and just nodded, “Good.”

 

Hope let out, “I want to do this for Henley…I think we owe it to her to talk one last time.”

 

“Yeah…for Henley.” Kelley softly reiterated Hope’s thoughts.

 

Hope began, “I’m just going to throw it out there…do you have answer yet?” When Kelley removed eye contact, Hope stood her ground, “Kelley, why?”

 

Kelley closed her eyes, coming up with her best answer, “You weren’t there, Hope. You were…but you weren’t. After Henley was born, and actually before that too, you were walking around our house like a ghost. You weren’t the Hope that I knew…and fell in love with. I couldn’t bear to see you like that. I needed to escape.”

 

“You knew I was struggling.” Hope sighed.

 

“But not to the extent that I needed to fix things.”

 

“I know you don’t like hearing it, but you didn’t need to fix things…you didn’t need to fix me.”

 

“Then how did you expect me to just watch from the side?” Kelley searched for answers.

 

“I thought you understood all this when you married me.” Hope stated quietly.

 

“I did…but I also thought you’d share things with me…that I could be the person that was enough to change you for the better, to bring out the best in you- to be _your_ person.”

 

“You are, Kelley.”

 

For some reason, Hope’s simplistic statement left Kelley unsettled. She shook her head, “No, I wasn’t. I couldn’t have been that person when you consistently shut me out.”

 

“Can’t you just accept that it wasn’t your responsibility?” Hope pleaded.

 

“Hope, what is so hard about letting others go through things with you? You can’t do things alone…that’s not what life’s about. You’re meant to share things with others, to lean on them when things get difficult. I was there, Hope. I wanted you to let me in…even if that meant dragging me down with you.”

 

“You just don’t deserve that.” Hope was firm in her thinking.

 

“Well, I’d rather be dragged down with you than be apart.”

 

“Hey, that was your own doing…” A bitterness filled Hope’s voice.

 

“There just wasn’t a reason to stay anymore!” Kelley raised her voice in exasperation.

 

The couple knew things were about to get heated, but the momentum of their conversation was suddenly destroyed when the front door opened. Kelley glanced at the clock on the wall, surprised at how late it had gotten. Henley soon appeared in the same room as them and paused, staring straight at Hope. Hope swallowed back her nerves, but they kept rising with each second. Relief washed over her when Henley quickly crossed the room and threw herself on the keeper, hugging her tight.

 

Wrapping her arms around Hope’s neck, Henley murmured into Hope’s shirt, “I’m sorry for yelling at my party.”

 

Hope gently rubbed the little girl’s back. She was quick to respond, “No, no…it’s okay. I’m sorry things got a little out of hand.”

 

Henley pulled away, her eyes taking in her mother. She was glad that Hope wasn’t mad. She reassured her, “You didn’t ruin my party, Mommy…I think we were all just tired.”

 

Hope half-smiled at the little girl’s innocence. Too tired to explain, Hope relented, “Yeah, sure…something like that.”

 

Standing off to the side, Alex cleared her throat. “Hey, you should start getting ready for bed, Kid O’Hara…” She didn’t want to have interrupted Hope and Kelley, but it was getting late and she needed to go back to her hotel for the night.

 

Henley nodded and climbed off Hope to hug Alex. “I’ll miss you, Auntie Alex.”

 

“Same here kiddo.” Alex hugged her back before sending her on her way, “We’ll see each other soon, okay?” Henley nodded and bounced off towards her room. After Henley’s figure faded, Alex turned her attention to the other two adults in the room. She quickly announced, “Don’t worry, I’ll leave you guys alone…sorry to interrupt.”

 

Hope looked away as Kelley stood up to hug Alex, who wasn’t sure what to say to the keeper. She began anyways, “Hope, I know you probably don’t want to forgive me, but I’m sorry…for treating you and for never giving you the benefit of the doubt. I hope one day we can talk things through?”

 

Hope paused before looking up to meet Alex’s sympathetic eyes. Without saying a word, she just nodded- and that appeared to be enough for Alex who left the house quietly.

 

Kelley brought up their conversation once again, “So where do we go from here?”

 

“I mean, I’m still willing to work things out.”

 

“How so?”

 

Hope looked at Kelley weirdly before slowly replying, “Uh…I don’t know? Are we supposed to know? I’m just saying that I think it’d be a good idea for us to keep talking through these things over the next couple of weeks.”

 

“So obviously, we haven’t resolved much…”

 

“Okay, but maybe we just need time to…” Hope frowned at Kelley’s reluctance and stated out of frustration, but also half-jokingly, “Look, I could just leave, you know.”

 

Kelley didn’t say a word.

 

Hope tilted her head in confusion and felt her heart quicken its pace. She stuttered, “K…Kell?”

 

Kelley remained silent.

 

“Th…this is…uh…this is where you beg me not to leave.” Hope began.

 

Kelley finally spoke up, regret filling her voice, “We’re just going to keep fighting, you know that.”

 

“Not…necessarily.” Hope didn’t like where the conversation was heading. She suggested, “I think we’re both mature enough now though to know that fighting means talking…and fixing.”

 

“But have we really fixed what’s happened these last few days?” Kelley questioned. “If we can’t even fix that, how do you suppose we fix whatever is thrown at us in the future?”

 

“What are you saying?” Hope sounded hurt.

 

“I just…don’t you think this type of environment could be detrimental to Henley?”

 

“Oh…” Realization dawned upon Hope and she was wildly offended. “So what you’re saying is that I’m not good enough for Henley.”

 

“No, it’s not that…I…I just don’t think she needs to see us fighting all the time.” Kelley reasoned.

 

“So you’re giving up on us, essentially.” Hope concluded.

 

“Hope…” Kelley said the keeper’s name in one last effort.

 

Hope leaned forward, elbows on her knees. She buried her head into her hands and mumbled, “I can’t believe this is happening again.”

 

“Nothing is happening again!” Kelley groaned too, “God damn it…I don’t know what to do with us…I just…what do you want from me, Hope? I gave you so many chances.”

 

“And I acknowledge that I took all those chances for granted, but I’m here now, Kelley. Please. I want to be better for you guys…I _am_ better for you guys.” Hope pleaded.

 

“But how do I know that?”

 

“Please, just trust me on that. I swear, I promise.” Hope thought back on the morning Kelley had left. She took a sharp intake of breath and repeated, “Down the line, Kell…I told you I’d be here down the line. So here I am.”

 

Kelley threw back her head in frustration. She believed Hope, but there was a huge part of her that still remained reluctant. She wanted those feelings of resentment to go away, but her mind was just so caught up in all the pain she had experienced because of her relationship with Hope. She bitterly emphasized, “Seven _years_.”

 

“Oh god, not this again…”

 

Kelley murmured, “You didn’t even chase after me.”

 

“Because I told you we’d figure it out further down the road!”

 

“Years, Hope!”

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Kelley, you left me.”

 

“Because you stopped fighting!”

 

“That’s not entirely true though! I was willing to stay, which mean I was trying to work though things. I needed time…I was a mess…we were a mess.”

 

“Not much has changed.”  Kelley sadly admitted.

 

Hope started again, “I don’t think you realize how hard I’ve worked, and am still working, to fight for us.”

 

“You haven’t shown that to me!” Kelley exclaimed.

 

Hope looked at Kelley, instantly making up her mind. Her voice cracking, “I…I’m done with this. We just keep going in circles. We’re a mess, and we’re always going to be a mess. You’re right, Kell. I guess this time isn’t any different.”

 

Tears came to Kelley’s eyes as she felt them come to an end once again. “It never had to be like this…God, all the chances I gave you, Hope…I’ve been waiting for so long and-”

 

“No, you don’t get to do that with me…” Hope took a deep breath, “First, I came back like I said I would. Yet, you’re still reluctant with all this. Second, you freaking left me! I needed you, Kell…and I know I was terrible about letting you in, but I thought you knew that when we got together. That it takes awhile for me to let anyone in! You…you… _you_ left me.”

 

“I didn’t have a choice!” Kelley yelled, hoping that her message would finally get across to Hope.

 

And it did. But not in the way she had hoped.

 

Hope blinked in disbelief. Though she wanted to scream and shout and yell and cry, Hope found herself speaking in a whisper, partially because she was concentrating so hard on keeping the tears from falling.

 

“Really, Kell?” In that moment, Hope fell apart all over again. The words burning through her, she gritted her teeth. “You’re going to talk to me about having no choice? Then why the fuck did I find divorce papers on our bedside table after you left that morning?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you didn't see that one coming, did you? Good. Because neither did I.


	25. The Driveway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> History repeats itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long with the update!

 

Kelley stared straight ahead, blinking a few times as if she were trying to make sense of Hope’s blurred figure in front of her. She should’ve seen this coming; she should’ve known that no conversation would be productive without this facet of the story. Kelley couldn’t find her voice. What was there to say?

 

Hope stood in front of her. Uncrossing her arms and placing them on her hips, she narrowed her eyes in disbelief. “Seriously? Nothing to say?” She chuckled bitterly to herself and shrugged, “Makes sense, I guess…yeah, let that sink in.”

 

Kelley opened her mouth, but no words came out. She was paralyzed.

 

Hope continued, an edge to her voice. “I never asked for this. I never asked for an ending…I asked for a _break_.”

 

Kelley wanted to scream. She wanted to accuse Hope for the thousandth time that they just couldn’t take breaks. Relationships don’t work that way. To her, too many breaks might as well have added up to an ending. “Has it ever occurred to you that a break could lead to an end?”

 

“No! Because you _are_ the end for me, Kelley. I love you. I’ve always known that, and yeah, maybe I suck at letting you know, but I’m here now…I’m here. But you’re not. Apparently, we aren’t on the same page. I just…”

 

Kelley shook her head, accusing, “You did this to us, Hope.”

 

Hope bit her lip, coming to a decision on her own. “We can’t keep doing this…I can’t do this. Not to you, not to Henley, and not to myself…”

 

Kelley looked down, but as soon as she did so, she noticed Hope’s feet back away slowly. Her eyes shot up again, just in time to see Hope disappear into the adjacent hallway. She let out an exasperated sigh, “Shit, Hope, we aren’t done talking!”

 

Hope called over her shoulder, “Oh, I think we’ve been done talking for awhile now.”

 

Kelley trailed behind and followed her into the guest bedroom where Hope had been keeping some of her belongings for the time being. She watched as Hope crossed the room, making it very clear as to what she was doing. She quietly asked, “Please…wh…what are you doing?”  

 

Hope let out another bitter laugh. “Shouldn’t you already know the answer to that? I’m just doing what you did to me…”

 

“Oh come on, Hope…” Kelley sighed. “You’re being immature.”

 

Hope opened her mouth in protest, but then closed it again to rethink her reply. She relented, “I’m not even going to try and argue with that because…that’s just so ridiculous.” She grabbed her duffel and headed out of the room.

 

“You can’t be serious about this.” Kelley felt herself suddenly get worked up at the possibility of Hope leaving her. She couldn’t help but chastise herself at the same time. Was this how it felt like to be, for a lack of a better word, abandoned? She swallowed back her guilt and called after Hope, “Where are you going?”

 

Hope had stopped in front of the last door of the hallway. Henley’s room. She muttered, “I’m going to say goodbye to my kid.” With that, she gently pushed the door open.

 

Kelley positioned herself just outside their little girl’s room. She knew she shouldn’t be watching. She should be _begging_ for Hope to stay. Yet, she remained paralyzed and braced herself for what was about to unfold. It was too late to do anything now.

 

Hope knelt in front of Henley’s bed where the little girl sat alone, dressed in her pajamas and just about ready for bed. Hope took a deep breath and looked straight into Henley’s eyes. Sighing, she grabbed the eight year old’s hands. Her voice shook, an echo of the past. “Henley, I love you.”

 

Henley beamed in return, having no clue as to what was about to transpire. “I love you too, Mommy.”

 

Hope squeezed Henley’s hands, her breath hitching, “Don’t ever forget that, okay?”

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Promise?” Hope’s voice cracked.

 

“I promise!” Henley exclaimed confidently.

 

“Okay, I…” Hope took another deep breath, letting go of Henley’s hands. She stood back up. “Henley, I have to leave now.”

 

“Leave?”

 

Hope just nodded, “Yeah.”

 

“Oh…” Not fully understanding, Henley jumped off her bed and wandered to her desk. “Okay, but before you leave, I want to show you my science project.” The young girl reached for the makeshift solar system model and brought it over to Hope.

 

“It looks great, sweetie…” It pained Hope that the young girl was completely oblivious to what was going on. She knew it would only be fair to her that she was clearer with her actions. “Henley-”

 

“Thanks, Mommy!” Henley interrupted, but innocently continued, “So when will you be back? Tomorrow?”

 

Hope’s heart broke. She had to be honest; it was the least she could do. “I don’t know if I’ll be returning…”

 

“Why not?” Henley questioned.

 

“I don’t think I belong here…” Hope spoke slowly.

 

“Don’t be silly!” Henley quickly refuted. “Of course you do! We have a lot of fun together, don’t we?”

 

Hope smiled sadly, “We’ve had fun, you’re right…but I think it’s time for me to go now. It’s best if I let you and your Momma get back into your usual routine…”

 

“What?” Henley’s expression fell, still not understanding what her mother was saying. “No…don’t go, Mommy.”

 

Hope wrapped her arms around the young girl one last time, but Henley refused to hug back. She was confused. Henley looked up at Hope, her eyes desperately searching for answers. Hope brushed past Kelley, heading for the front door. She needed to leave before things got worse, before she broke down herself. Hope prayed that Henley wouldn’t follow, but she knew that was too much to ask. Her hand was on the doorknob when she heard Henley’s voice again.

 

“Mommy, please don’t leave!” Henley begged, getting closer to Hope. Her voice trembled, “I…I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it.”

 

Hope turned around and spoke softly, “What?”

 

“You’re mad because I yelled at you the other night, aren’t you?” Henley felt tears form in her eyes. “Mommy, please stay…I said I was sorry. I didn’t mean it, I swear.”

 

Hope felt her chest tighten. She quickly walked back to Henley’s side and stroked the young girl’s hair, “Oh, Henley…no, no…it’s not your fault.” Hope held her daughter’s face in her hands and gently wiped her tears away. “Don’t ever think this is your fault, okay? This is just…this is how things are and…”

 

Henley shook her head in denial, turning it to face Kelley. She pleaded with her other mother, “Momma, tell Mommy to stay…tell her that she needs to stay. We like it when she’s with us, don’t we?” Kelley looked at her daughter with extreme guilt. She knew Henley was right, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop Hope. Henley’s heart raced until she shouted, “Momma!”

 

“Henley…” Kelley warned softly. “Th…that’s not my call.”

 

Hope bent down and kissed Henley’s head of hair once more. “I love you, Henley…” She felt like if she kept declaring her love, she’d somehow make up for her actions. She softly apologized, “I’m so sorry.”

 

Hope finally opened the door and made her way down the front porch steps. Just about to reach her car, she heard someone else calling her name.

 

“Hope!”

 

Hope looked up to see her former best friend hastily getting out of her parked car. Great timing. She hung her head in defeat and thought, _God, this is not what I need right now_. She bitterly responded to Carli, “Don’t worry, I was just on my way out.”

 

“What?” Carli knitted her brows together, but quickly shook her head, “No, no…hey, can we just talk?”

 

“Now not, Carli.”

 

“Please, Hope…” Carli ignored her friend’s request and sighed, “I don’t know where to begin…I would say I’m sorry, but that won’t even begin to do justice to…”

 

“Carli, I don’t have time for this. Stop-” Hope really didn’t have the energy to deal with this right now. She worriedly looked behind towards the house, afraid that Henley or Kelley would come out.

 

“No, just let me finish.” Carli continued, “I’ve had no right to treat you the way I have been all these years…you needed me, and I should’ve…I was just so upset and I didn’t know…I swear, I didn’t know, Hope.”

 

“I know that.” Hope muttered quietly.

 

“Damn it…” Carli sighed, “This is so hard…I just…Hope, why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I couldn’t.”

 

“Hope…” Carli breathed her friend’s name, sounding more hurt than ever. “I was your best friend. You didn’t just leave them, Hope, you left me too…and I…I didn’t understand why you didn’t say anything to me. We tell each other everything, so when Kelley showed up on my porch that night…I just…I had it.”

 

“I know…” Hope replied helplessly.

 

Carli asked again, “But why? Why didn’t you tell me?!”

 

“I just couldn’t!” Hope retorted. She finally gave in, “I couldn’t tell you because I needed you to be there for Kelley…you were the only one I could trust to take care of her. I didn’t need you as much as Kelley did…I wanted Kelley to have you.”

 

Carli was speechless. Before she could open her mouth again, the front door opened to reveal Kelley trying to calm down an upset Henley. The eight year old screamed, “No! I want to go with her! Where is she going?”

 

Carli looked towards the door and then immediately back at Hope. She tilted her head, realizing what exactly was going on. “Wh…what are you…Hope, no. You can’t…you can’t go. Oh my god, no…”

 

“Please leave me alone.” Hope said desperately.

 

“Hope, you’re going to regret this.”

 

“Mommy!” Henley screamed, tears streaming down her face. Kelley held onto her daughter tight as the both of them watched Hope get into her car. Carli looked back at Kelley helplessly as they both heard the engine of Hope’s car begin to run.

 

Kelley blinked, as if she were trying to blink away the image in front of her. Here they were once again, standing on the driveway- but this time, she wasn’t the one behind the wheel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am SO sorry for posting something like this on Mother's Day...really bad timing, I guess? Hang in there though, it can only go up from here. I promise :)


	26. Onwards and Upwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, hey guys! Sorry for being radio silent for so long...I just needed some time to myself as the end of the school year was quite hectic. I haven't forgotten about this story, and I hope you haven't either :) I think I've finally decided how I want to end things...so here we go, we're in the home stretch!

 

Still in her training gear, cleats and all, Kelley rushed through the front door. She had left her off season workout early since Carli had called her for help with Henley. Apparently she was being difficult; she hadn’t been in the best mood lately. Granted, it had only been a weekend ago that Hope had abruptly exited their lives.

 

Kelley met Carli, who was standing helplessly in the hallway, Henley’s water bottle and soccer bag in her hands. Carli just sighed and shook her head, “I’ve been trying for the last few hours.”  Kelley sighed and looked at her watch. Henley’s soccer game was in twenty minutes and the little girl didn’t want to go. She was supposed to meet Carli and Henley at the game after her training session, but Henley was making that difficult. Carli spoke up, “She’s in her room.”

 

Kelley nodded and quietly pushed open the door to Henley’s bedroom. She found Henley sitting on her bed, reading a book. She urged, “Henley, come on. You have to get dressed…we’re going to be late.”

 

“I don’t want to go.” Henley firmly replied.

 

“Your team needs you.”

 

Henley reasoned, “I’m not the only goalkeeper.”

 

“Henley, please don’t make things difficult.” Kelley’s voice became stern.

 

“I told you I just don’t want to go!” Henley exclaimed.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because.”

 

“That’s not a reason, Henley.”

 

“Well because I said so…you use that with me all the time.” Henley sassed back.  

 

Kelley sighed again. She scolded, “I don’t like that tone.”

 

“So?”

 

“Henley, knock it off!” Kelley was surprised by Henley’s bold behavior.

 

“You knock it off!” Henley spat in return.

 

Kelley helplessly looked over her shoulder at Carli. She then placed both hands on her hips and firmly asked, “Henley, what’s going on? What’s gotten into you lately?” The little girl kept her eyes locked on her book in front of her, though she clearly wasn’t reading it. Kelley didn’t want to bring it up, but she knew she had to if she was going to get any answers. “Are you upset that Mommy’s gone?”

 

Henley’s head shot up at the mention of Hope. Her eyes met Kelley with an icy stare, and Kelley instantly realized what this was all about. She took a deep breath, “Henley, I’m sorry…I’m sorry she left, but there’s not much I can do about it now.”

 

“Yes you can!” Henley pleaded. “Why don’t you call her?”

 

Carli spoke up quietly, “We’ve tried, kiddo.”

 

“Then try harder!”

 

Kelley quickly scolded, “Don’t speak to your Aunt like that…like I said before, it’s not my call.”

 

Henley shouted desperately, “But it is your call! You can bring her back…you love her, don’t you?”

 

“Please, Henley, I don’t want to talk about this anymore…it’s complicated, and you’re too young to understand. I’m sorry, alright? So come on, let’s get dressed and go to the game, and I don’t want to hear another word. Your attitude better shape up soon, young lady.” Kelley reprimanded, though she knew she was being a bit harsh. She began to make her way out of the room when Henley stopped her.

 

“I hate _you_!”

 

Kelley stopped in her tracks. It hadn’t been the first time Henley screamed that in the last month. Her words hit her like bricks and she suddenly realized what Hope had felt on the night of the birthday party. She swallowed hard and turned around to face her daughter, whose eyes were brimming with tears.

 

“I hate you.” Henley repeated softly before getting herself worked up. “You’re the reason why Mommy was never around. You left her, didn’t you? I heard you and Mommy talking. Why didn’t you want us to be together?”

 

Kelley was taken aback by Henley’s claims. She stuttered, “It…It’s not that I didn’t want you two to be together…it’s just…”

 

“Why did you leave?!”

 

Kelley couldn’t answer that question for Hope, and she surely couldn’t answer it now. She started, “That’s between your mother and I…”

 

“But I want her around now!” Henley pouted and then broke down into tears. “I miss her so much, Momma…and she left. You made her leave…she came back for us and now…now, she’s gone again. But she came back…that has to mean something, right Momma? She came _back._ ”

 

Kelley’s chest tightened as she watched her daughter break down before her. Her words burnt through her and as much as she wanted to hug and comfort Henley, she left her room, brushing past Carli on the way out.

 

Carli chased after her, “Kell, where are you going?” She noticed Kelley come out of her bedroom, stuffing an envelope in her pocket. She frowned. “Kelley, what’s that?”

 

Kelley looked around for her keys and ignored her friend’s question, “I…we can’t keep doing this to her, Carli. Hope and I. We can’t do this to Henley anymore. It’s not fair to her.”

 

“How are you going to-”

 

“Pinoe.” Kelley interrupted as she grabbed her jacket off the coat hook. “Hope could be there…and if not, Pinoe has to know where she is, right?”

 

“I don’t know…” Carli looked skeptically at her friend. “Kell, what if she’s already gone…?”

 

“Well then I’ll find her, damn it!” Kelley replied out of exhaustion. “I need to find her…I need to set things right. This is all my fault. I don’t deserve…I need to fix this. All of it.”

 

Carli grabbed the young defender’s shoulders, “Kelley, please. Be careful.” She held onto Kelley tighter, “I agree with you- Hope didn’t deserve the treatment she received all these years, especially from you and I…but you can’t take the fall for all of it, okay? Just be careful because I don’t want either of you two get hurt.”

 

Kelley mumbled, “It’s too late for that.” With that, she quickly left and drove through the neighborhood to Pinoe’s. She ran up the front door steps, praying that someone would answer.

 

Upon opening the door and seeing who was outside, Pinoe glared, “What do you want?”

 

“Is she here?” Kelley asked desperately, trying to peer in past Pinoe.

 

“Kelley, what are you doing here?”

 

“Pinoe, I need to talk to her.”

 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

 

“Please! I need to!” Kelley begged.

 

Pinoe opened the door wider, but sighed, “Kell, she’s not here.”

 

“Wh…what?” Kelley’s eyes widened in frantic, but then realizing the look on Pinoe’s face, she asked, “Where is she? You know, don’t you? Megan, please, you have to tell me where she is.”

 

“She doesn’t want to talk to you, Kell, and as a friend, I need to respect that.” Pinoe muttered in annoyance, clearly not happy with Hope’s wishes either.

 

“Since when have you respected people’s wishes?!” Kelley fired back.

 

Pinoe stared intently at her friend before her and gave in, “God damn it, you two…always a weakness of mine.”

 

“Where did she go?”

 

“Okay, fine, I know where she is…” Pinoe’s voice turned grave, “But I still don’t think it’s a good idea…Kell, you hurt her.”

 

“I know…I know that.”

 

“And knowing you two, there’s no telling if you’ll actually make up. Honestly, I’m scared for whenever you guys try to work things out because in the end, it’s not just you two that get hurt. Look at everyone around you who’s been through this with you guys since the very beginning. It’s getting old and tiring and frustrating…the team, Carli, me…”

 

“Henley.” Kelley finished Pinoe’s thoughts. Pinoe tilted her head, signaling for Kelley to continue. “I know…Megan, Henley’s having an incredibly hard time with all this, and I’m kicking myself because I’ve just realized that now. I’ve been so focused on fixing what I have with Hope that I’ve neglected Henley’s needs. I’ve been selfish…ever since I left that day. I’m not saying that Hope and I are going to get back together for the sake of Henley- simply because it doesn’t work that way- but if I get a conversation with her, it’s going to be centered on Henley’s best interests. We have to make things work…for Henley.”

 

Pinoe was quiet, but believed everything Kelley was saying. She sighed, “You can’t keep hurting the kid like this.”

 

“I know…please, tell me where she is, Megan.”

 

Pinoe sighed, mumbling to herself, “Hope’s either going to kill me or kiss me after this…”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.” Pinoe turned her attention back to Kelley. She asked one more time, “Promise you’ll think of Henley?”

 

“Always.”

 

“Fine…she’s visiting her Mom in Richland. She left yesterday, but I don’t know how long she’s planning on staying there. It didn’t sound like it would be for long, so you might want to hurry.”

 

“Richland…right, okay. Got it.” Kelley’s mind quickly familiarized itself with the directions to Hope’s childhood home. She’d only been there twice; most of the time, Hope’s mom would make the trip out to Seattle to visit her and Henley. She quickly turned around and headed for her car.

 

“And Kelley?”

 

“Yeah?” Kelley turned around.

 

“Don’t let history repeat itself.”

 


	27. Unlove You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley chases after Hope.

 

It was well into the evening, a little after eleven to be exact, when Kelley had arrived in the Tri-Cities of Washington. She quickly parked her car in front of the small, one story home, and then made her way to the front door. She barely had a chance to take a deep breath when the front porch lights switched on. Her heart fluttered at the sound of the unhitching door.

 

“I had a feeling you’d come around.”

 

Kelley looked up at the older woman, compassion etched into her face. She tentatively smiled, “Hi Mom.”

 

Judy immediately brought in her daughter in law for a much needed hug. Though Kelley and Hope shared a rocky past, she had made it clear to Kelley that she’d always be there for her, and her granddaughter. Pulling out of their embrace, but placing both of her hands on the young woman’s shoulders, Judy nodded, “It’s good to see you, Kelley.”

 

“Likewise.” Kelley replied, her eyes searching in the background for what she had truly come to Richland for.

 

Noticing Kelley’s distracted response, Judy half-smiled. Without saying anything else, she hinted, “I think you know where to find her.”

 

Kelley nodded, giving her mother in law one last hug before making her way through the house. She reached the back door and slid it quietly behind her, shivering at the cold winter air and wrapping her jacket tighter around her. The backyard wasn’t like the ones found in your typical suburban home outside of Seattle; it stretched across a couple acres. Kelley stopped just a couple yards from her destination to think about her next steps.

 

She looked up at the tall, hovering tree that had overgrown an old, yet stable, wooden structure. When Hope brought her home for the first time, the treehouse was the first thing she showed her. Hand in hand, they had wandered through the acres of land all while Hope explained just how much her childhood treehouse meant to her. Her father had built it for her and when she wasn’t playing soccer, she was up in her tree house. Kelley remembered how Hope’s eyes lit up as she talked about her childhood memories, the happier ones- the ones that were reserved for Kelley alone. She remembered spending the majority of the visit up in the treehouse, her head in Hope’s lap as they talked about nothing to everything. More importantly, Kelley would never forget a certain conversation that had started up in that treehouse- the same one that would continue in a matter of minutes.

 

Kelley quietly climbed up the small wooden ladder and peaked her head through the entryway, earning a startled gasp from Hope, who sat in the corner wrapped up in layers of blankets.

 

“Kelley…” Hope breathed out her name, somewhat still in shock at her presence.

 

“What are you doing out here?” Kelley climbed through the entryway before sitting down and crossing her arms for warmth. “It’s freezing.”

 

Hope sighed. Though she wasn’t in the mood for talking- or really for anything to do with Kelley- she shed a blanket and handed it over to the younger woman. Kelley gladly accepted, not wanting to overstep boundaries quite yet and invade Hope’s personal space for body warmth. The blanket would have to do.

 

A few moments passed in silence and just as Kelley was starting to warm up, Hope spoke up, “I really don’t think you should be here right now.”

 

Kelley cringed at Hope’s cold greeting, but remained adamant in staying. “Just let me say a couple things.”

 

“If you’re going to remind me of what happened in the past and how I’m the one always at fault, I think I’ll pass.” Hope let out bitterly.

 

“I’m not…” Kelley began, stopping to prevent a flare up of her emotions before continuing, “I’m not here to do that…at least that’s not my intention.”

 

“I still don’t think talking about where we go from here is a good idea.” Hope was firm in her belief. She scoffed, “I’ve already made up my mind and apparently me leaving wasn’t clear to you.”

 

“Fine, we don’t have to talk about what happens next…” Kelley gave in momentarily. “But I don’t think it’d hurt us to talk about the past- and not the past that’s been haunting us for all these years, but before that.” She quickly corrected herself.

 

“Kelley, what more is there to us than that?!” Hope’s eyes filled with vexation.

 

“Everything!” Kelley fired back, almost too loudly. She softly repeated, “Everything…we were teammates before it all. We loved playing soccer, together. Then we became roommates and consequently friends. We stayed up talking for hours, together. Then we became _more_ than friends. We crossed boundaries, together. Believe it or not, we’re good for each other.”

 

“ _Were_ good for each other.” Hope pointed out, shifting uncomfortably under her blankets.

 

“No, we still are.” Kelley refuted. “We messed up, Hope. The both of us did, plenty of times. It took us awhile to even acknowledge what we had. Then you just left. I hated you for that. You came back, but for some reason, that wasn’t enough to hold us together because then I left. And that was the stupidest decision I’ve ever made. But did I have a choice? I don’t know. We could keep going in circles with that. We could argue it either way, but it doesn’t matter. Not anymore. Because despite all those terrible decisions, we made some really good ones too.”

 

Hope was quiet. She had run away to avoid Kelley, but she knew they had quite the unfinished business to attend to. Whether they liked it or not, they were going to have this conversation. Kelley waited for her to say something, but she remained silent.

 

Kelley sighed at Hope’s reluctance to jump at the opportunity to say something. She asked, “Remember what we decided on last time we were in here?” The younger woman looked around at the wooden panels, her mind drifting in and out of memories. “Hope, you know where I’m going with this.”

 

Hope finally gave in, answering Kelley, “Henley…we talked about having a baby, about starting a family.”

 

Kelley nodded, a smile growing on her face as she was reminded of their full conversation. “It started off as a joke…I had you convinced that I wanted four of them. You spent so long trying to talk me out of it; it was so entertaining. Of course we finally settled on two…and then we found ourselves talking about schools and sports and names and before I knew it, we had booked an appointment. And I know what you’re going to say- maybe it was fast. We were back to back gold medalists, we had just gotten married, we were happy. But I think both of us know that wasn’t out of impulse…having a baby together wasn’t something we were going to take lightly and that decision remains the best decision we’ve made together. So looking past our mess together, we have something really beautiful in our lives, Hope, and I don’t want to ruin that.”

 

Hope ran her fingers through her hair before shaking her head furiously in doubt and frustration. “No…just…no, you don’t get to do this. You can’t just use Henley as an excuse. We’ve hurt each other, Kelley, and we can’t expect Henley to make it all better.”

 

Kelley explained, “I’m just trying to do what’s right here…I don’t think Henley deserves this. She’s already been through so much. Please, Hope, just come home.”

 

“I can’t.” Hope said in defeat, “I can’t be back in her life because that means I’m back in yours too.”

 

“Is that a bad thing?” Kelley’s voice cracked.

 

“Yes! Well, no. I don’t know!” Hope let out an exasperated breath. “That’s what I wanted to figure out ever since returning.”

 

“We can still figure it out. We have time. That’s why I’m here now to figure this out once and for all.”

 

“I’m not getting back together with you because of Henley!” Hope raised her voice, realizing that didn’t quite come out right. “Of course I want to put Henley first…but at the same time, suddenly reconnecting for the wrong reasons could only hurt her more. I don’t want to lead her on.”

 

“Can’t we just look pass our differences and make it work? Forget about our faults and let’s start fresh.” Kelley suggested, not fully understanding where Hope was coming from.

 

“That’s not possible…” Hope sighed, but then offered, “Fine, okay. Look, if we’re talking about Henley’s best interests here, then I’m willing to visit. Or maybe more than visit- I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m going to end up, but I promise to keep in touch. I’ll be there for her milestones and she can call me whenever and even stay with me for a bit. We’ll work out a schedule or something.”

 

“Jesus, Hope, that’s not what I want…that’s fine, but I…” Kelley checked with herself one last time, making sure that she meant what she was about to say. “I want you.”

 

Hope shook her head, “How do I know that…forget about it, Kell. I’m done talking tonight.” Hope gave up and quickly shoved the pile of blankets back into the basket where they belonged.

 

“Hope, please, I mean it. I want you. I know I hurt you when I left and I’m sorry for being so unclear these past few weeks, but I swear, I mean it. I need you.”

 

“How can I trust you?” Hope asked helplessly. “I don’t know how to trust you anymore…I don’t want to get close again, only to be broken for another eight years, or for the rest of my life. I won’t survive a second time. Neither will you.”

 

“Please, you have to believe in us one last time.” Kelley begged as she followed Hope as she climbed out of the tree house.

 

“Kelley, I said we’re done talking.” Hope felt tears spring to her eyes. She hated putting an end to their conversation, but it needed to be done.

 

“Will you just look at me?” Kelley pleaded once they were standing back on ground.

 

Hope faced Kelley; blue meeting hazel in familiar circumstances. They crumbled under each other’s stares and Hope knew she should’ve just kept walking when she felt Kelley’s lips meet her own. Though she could’ve melted into the warmth of Kelley, she abruptly pulled away, “Kell, stop…”

 

“Hope, please…” Desperation filled Kelley’s voice.

 

“We can’t.” Hope was out of words.

 

Kelley took the opportunity to speak, “All those years, I thought I hated you. I hated you when I was forced to get up not just once, but three times, in the middle of the night to take care of Henley alone. I hated you on the first day of school when I had to let go of our little girl for the first time. I hated you when she told me she didn’t want to play soccer anymore because I knew that if you were around, you’d have her hooked on the sport. I hated you when Henley was old enough to start questioning our family dynamics. I hated you when Jill called me, asking me if it was alright if she invited you to the reunion. I hated you for saying yes. But when I saw you for the first time again in god knows how long, I realized that all those years, what I was feeling wasn’t hatred. Sure, I was upset and frustrated and hurt…but it wasn’t hate because I could never hate you, Hope. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t. What I’m trying to say is that I never stopped hoping and wishing that one day we’d be together again. I never stopped loving you.”

 

Hope let Kelley’s words sink to the core of her heart, but her fears and insecurities reigned over her as she let out, to both of their surprise, “I’m sorry, Kell.”

 

Hope could feel Kelley’s stare burn onto her back as she walked away and she thought nothing could save her from the burn- that is, until she heard Kelley’s voice yell in one last attempt, stopping her from entering the house and leaving for good.

 

“I never signed them.”

 

Her feet planted firmly in their place, Hope looked over her shoulder, squinting back towards and just barely making out Kelley’s figure and the legal documents she held above her head for proof- proof that Kelley was speaking the truth. Proof that they still had one more shot. They could never unlove each other.  

 

Never could, never would.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's time for this story to come to an end...don't you think? :)


	28. Right Person, Right Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley figure it’s time to (truly) leave the past behind.

 

Hope felt her legs propel her forward until she reached where Kelley stood. Her hands shook as she took the packet of papers in her hand, knowing perfectly well that Kelley’s stare was burning through her. She slowly, and silently, flipped through the papers until the words became a blur to her. They had never been clear to her in the first place; she had never understood why Kelley would propose such a thing. When she reached the last page, she immediately looked at the bottom of the page where only one signature filled the two blanks. Hope let out a breath and with that all her reservations. Kelley never signed them. Kelley never gave up on them.

 

Hope’s eyes flickered between Kelley and the papers a few more times until she realized that none of it really mattered. Her hands stopped trembling as she took the packet of papers and forcefully ripped them apart. Kelley watched as the strips of paper fell to her feet and looked back at Hope, tears already threatening to leave her eyes.

 

“Hope, please…”

 

By the time those words had left her mouth, Kelley was interrupted by Hope’s lips against her own. She leaned back in surprise, but felt Hope’s hands wrap around her waist. Her own hands reached up to take hold of the back of Hope’s neck in efforts to bring her closer than they already were.

 

They pulled away, completely breathless. Hope stiffened as she noticed a few tears escape Kelley’s eyes, “Hey, don’t cry…”

 

“Hope, I’m so, so sorry…I never meant for us to end up here, not like this- not for this long. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I shouldn’t have taken Henley away from you. I’m so sorry.” Kelley apologized profusely.

 

“Me too.” Hope replied softly, her hands still roaming Kelley’s sides. “But please stop apologizing…I want to be done with that. I want to leave the past behind.”

 

“I’d like that…I just, I’m-” Kelley quickly caught herself, a small smile creeping onto her face. Quietly clearing her throat, she just nodded, “Thank you.”

 

“We’re going to be okay, Kell.” Hope lifted her hand to tuck a loose strand behind Kelley’s ear. “This is our time.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I just know it…” Hope looked down before meeting Kelley’s eyes again with a vulnerability that Kelley had never recognized before. Hope began, “I know we’re done talking about the past, but I just need to share one more thing.” She paused, trying to gather her thoughts.

 

Kelley held Hope’s hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. She reassured her, “You can tell me anything.”

 

Hope’s voice trembled, “This might sound silly, but all these years, I’ve been having these awful nightmares. Or, well, I don’t know if I’d call them nightmares…every night, when I would fall asleep, the morning you left would replay over and over again in my head.  I would beg you not to leave, just like I did that morning, until I was worked up so much that I would startle myself awake. And I’d look beside me, wanting to hold you- to reassure you that I loved you, and that there was no reason to leave- but you weren’t there…you had already left. My nightmares, or flashbacks, or whatever you want to call them…they were my reality. They were terrible; waking up each morning was the toughest thing for me.”

 

Noticing that Kelley’s expression had darkened as guilt washed over her face, Hope just took their hands and intertwined them. She comforted, “Hey, don’t worry, I’m not finished yet.” Taking a deep breath, Hope continued, “But I think we both know how important time can be in healing, so as the years passed, the nightmares became less frequent…and I started having other dreams. Normal ones, for the most part, but a few of them were dreams of you and Henley, or at least who I thought she had grown up to be. And there was this one dream- of this very moment. You and I were face to face, kind of like this…and I just knew. I knew we’d be okay. I’ve held onto that dream, or hope, for so long. I was waiting for this moment, and out of all the conversations we’ve had these last few weeks, this is it.”

 

Kelley wiped her tears away and leaned up to give Hope a small kiss. She nodded, “This is it…okay. We’re going to be okay.” She buried herself into Hope, who gladly pulled her in for the embrace. They could’ve remained like that all night, but the back porch lights flickered on and the back door swing open.

 

“Momma! Mommy!”

 

Recognizing that voice anywhere, Hope and Kelley’s heads turned back towards the house. Henley jumped over the few back steps and had started running towards them. Once she reached them, she wrapped her small arms around their already formed embrace.

 

Kelley looked at Hope in surprise as she looked down at their daughter, “Henley, what are you doing here? How did you get here?” Before Henley could answer, Kelley and Hope turned their heads to the back door for a second time as they heard another voice.

 

“Yoohoo!” Pinoe waved from the back door.

 

Hope shook her head in disbelief, letting out a quiet laugh, “Megan…”

 

Kelley softly chuckled, “I should’ve known.”

 

Henley tugged on both of her mothers, “So are you making out?”

 

“Making out?” Hope raised her brow.

 

“Yeah, that’s what Aunty Pinoe calls it. She said that staying up past my bedtime for making out is worth it. So that’s why I’m up so late!”

 

“You mean, ‘making up’?” Kelley laughed.

 

“Oh yeah, that!” Henley’s smile widened as she shrugged, “Oopsies.”

 

“Hmm…I guess you could call it that.” Hope smiled in return, her arm protectively finding its way around Kelley’s waist.  

 

“Are you going to come home for good, Mommy?” Henley asked.

 

Kelley quickly answered, “Yeah, she is.” She smiled up at Hope.

 

“No more leaving?”

 

“Not anymore.” Hope smiled, “You’re stuck with me forever, Freckles.”

 

The joy that filled Henley’s face was indescribable. She held their hands tight and pulled them back towards the house out of the cold. Pinoe stood on the porch, her arms crossed and her head shaking at her two friends. A smile broke out onto her face, too.

 

“Come here, you two.” Pinoe brought them in for a group hug, but after pulling away. She playfully smacked them both and glared, “Don’t you dare go on a seven year hiatus again…promise?!”

 

Grimacing while rubbing their arms, Hope and Kelley just nodded, “Promise.”

 

As they followed Pinoe back into the house, they wandered to the kitchen where Henley was occupied making hot chocolate with her grandmother. She looked up at the adults, “We’re going to have midnight hot chocolate!”

 

Kelley just leaned against Hope’s shoulder and smiled. “You’re going to be exhausted tomorrow, Freckles…but I’ll let this pass one time.”

 

Henley flashed her a smile before realization filled her face, “Oh, someone needs to go get Aunty Carli from the car!”

 

Kelley turned to Pinoe and questioned, “Carli’s here?”

 

Pinoe nodded, “She came with us, but she opted to stay out in the front until you know, you two figured out whatever you needed to.”

 

Hope softly offered, “I’ll go get her.”

 

Hope walked out of the front door. Carli must’ve seen her approaching because she quickly got out and stood in place. She greeted, “Hey.”

 

“Hey…”

 

The former best friends stood feet apart, not sure where to start their conversation. Hope began, “We’re good again…Kelley and I. And this won’t happen again, I promise. We…we’re going to be okay.” She rushed out, trying to defend herself before Carli could begin reprimanding her.

 

Carli’s voice was quiet, “Good…that’s really good. I’m happy for you guys.”

 

There was still a huge gap between them. The way Carli had treated Hope wasn’t something they were going to forget quickly. Carli relented, “I’m sorry, Hope.”

 

“I’m sorry too.” Hope nodded, but continued, “But like I told Kelley, I’m done with these apologies…we have to move on. This doesn’t make us completely alright again, but it’s a good place for us to move forward. There’s some trust that needs to be rebuilt, but Carli, you’re my best friend…I’d never forget that.”

 

“Same here…” Carli’s voice cracked. “You’ve always been so good to me…I don’t know why I did what I did.”

 

“It’s understandable, really.” Hope reassured her and before Carli could say anything else, she wrapped her former best friend into a hug. She whispered softly for only Carli to hear, “Thank you…thank you for taking care of them.”

 

Carli pulled away and just smiled. Healing had already begun between the two of them. She remarked, “It’s getting chilly out here.”

 

“That’s an understatement.” Hope chuckled, “Come on, Henley’s making us all hot chocolate inside.”

 

The two walked back not just into the house, but into the warmth of their family. Hope joined Kelley on the living room couch, not wanting to spend another moment apart. Henley, carefully holding on to her mug, crawled between them and rested snug between her two mothers. She finally had a family; the one thing she had spent so long dreaming about had finally come true.

 

Hope laughed as Pinoe and Carli bickered once again over the godmother debacle. They somehow got Judy and Henley to put in their two cents, and soon, the entire living room erupted into a playful debate. Hope just turned her head to Kelley, who silently opened her mouth. Hope stared at Kelley in adoration, mouthing in return, _I love you too._ Kelley was her person. She had always been the right person.

 

And this was, indeed, the _right time_.

 

-

 

**fin.**

 

* * *

  

_I wanna run into the light_

_And leave the dark behind_

 -John Newman, _Down the Line_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's your happy ending. Thanks for all your kind words and support. I'm going to miss this story; it's been a fun ride! I do have an epilogue for this story, so that'll be posted soon, and I'll definitely keep up with the Henley Headcanons on tumblr :) From here on out, I might just stick to one shots, but all your ideas and thoughts are very much welcomed! You never know...thanks again for seeing this through with me!


	29. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henley’s a little jealous of the newest addition to the family.

 

Kelley slowly stirred awake against her own will, ignoring a soft weight on her shoulder. Her eyes still closed, she murmured, “Just one sec.” She tiredly dozed off for another ten minutes before she felt a couple more tugs at her side. Kelley let out an exasperated sigh, “Hope, I said one second.”

 

“Hmm…” Hope rolled onto her back, eyes also closed shut from exhaustion.

 

“Hope, stop.” Kelley said sternly.

 

“I’m not doing anything.” Hope spoke slowly.

 

Their eyes instantly flew open upon realization. Kelley turned to Hope with concern and confusion, but instantly relaxed after looking down to the space between them. A pair of bright blue eyes stared back at her. Kelley dramatically threw her head back onto her pillow and groaned, “Chipmunk, how are you so happy and wide-eyed this early in the morning?”

 

Hope noticed the time on their bedside clock and then turned her attention back on the newest addition to their family. She shook her head in disbelief, “I can’t believe 9 am is our ‘early’ these days. We used to be up and ready at 6 am for morning runs with the team, remember?”

 

“Those were our glory days…honestly, I would even consider 10 am early, especially when you have this teething nugget waking us up every other hour.” Kelley pointed out, side eyeing the four month old in between her and Hope.

 

“You’re killing us, kid.” Hope yawned, but before her mouth had the chance to shut all the way, little baby hands reached out and grabbed her face in its entirety. The corners of Hope’s mouth curled upwards into a grin as she caressed the baby’s small head, “You’re awfully cute though.”

 

“Don’t let her deceive you…angel by day, terror by night.” Kelley joked, her laugh lacking substance due to lack of sleep.

 

“Aww,” Hope sympathized, “Don’t call our baby a terror. She’s too lovable for that...aren’t you, Brynn?” Hope proceeded to kiss Brynn’s small toes, earning bouts of laughter.

 

Kelley couldn’t help but smile at Hope’s love for their baby girl. Hope was a natural when it came to children, and Kelley felt blessed to have shared this special experience with her not just once, but twice. Having a second child was never on their agenda once they had settled back into their life together, but when Pinoe joked about another pair of feet running about the household, the idea never seemed to leave their minds. They had always wanted two and when they sat down to seriously entertain the thought of having another baby, they weren’t two minutes into their conversation before Hope dug through her old things and began flipping through “What To Expect When You’re Expecting.” The doctors explained the possible risks, but considering Kelley’s prime health, they gave them the green light and not long after, they were a family of four.

 

Her eyes still fixed on Hope and Brynn, Kelley admitted quietly, “I never thought we’d be doing this again.”

 

Holding out a finger for Brynn to grasp, Hope looked up at Kelley and replied, “Reminds you of our earlier days with Henley, doesn’t it?”

 

“I forgot how exhausting this all is! Was Henley this tiring? I feel like I haven’t slept in years.”

 

“Henley’s sleep schedule was much more forgiving…we were new parents too, so it was hard figuring out little things. Now, we’re just out of practice, and Brynn somehow has night and day confused. They’re both pretty happy kids, though.” Hope studied her daughter’s features closely and commented, “Brynn’s a splitting image of the both of you.”

 

“Apart from her eyes.” Kelley acknowledged. Hope was right; there was no doubt that Brynn was another O’Hara. However, her eyes were a bright blue, quite close to the color of Hope’s. They weren’t entirely sure how that happened, but Kelley wasn’t complaining. Thought not biological, she adored the fact that their daughter shared one prominent feature with Hope. Kelley continued, “I might be too old for this, but I really wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now.”

 

“You? Old? What does that make me?” Hope scoffed, but then smiled, “I’m glad we decided to do this…I love you, Kell.”

 

Color filled Kelley’s cheeks. She still felt butterflies in her stomach whenever Hope proclaimed her love so softly and endearing. She whispered back, “I love you too.”

 

Brynn let out a loud shriek. Being the second baby, she was quick to take in her surrounding sights and sounds, which were then quickly translated into her incomprehensible baby chatter and noises. The second-time parents both laughed and as Kelley playfully tickled the sides of their little one, she said, “And we love you, Chipmunk.”

 

Down the hallway and in the kitchen, Henley’s head turned in the direction of her little sister’s shrieks and laughter. She had woken up a good hour or so ago and wandered over to her parent’s bedroom for a morning hello (a routine she comfortable grew into ever since Hope returned), but noticing they were still in deep sleep, she decided to leave them be. She was a big girl, so she thought that cereal was an easy and sufficient enough breakfast to make for herself. Downing the last drop of milk from her bowl, Henley jumped off the kitchen barstool and walked towards the noises down the hall. She quietly peeked her head into the doorway and watched as Hope tossed Brynn every which way all while showering her with kisses. Kelley sat crisscross beside them, a tired smile widening on her face.

 

Henley silently watched from afar, not wanting to disturb her parent’s moment with her little sister. Envy began to settle deep down within her, but she was too shy to say anything about it. In fact, the longer Brynn was around, the less time Henley got with her mothers. Having a new baby in the house was exciting at first, but when Henley realized all the attention Brynn needed, she began to think that maybe a baby sister wasn’t a good idea after all. Just like many other children with newborn siblings, Henley was a bit, well to put it bluntly, jealous.

 

“Oh, Henley, we didn’t see you there.” Kelley’s voice brought Henley out of her thoughts. Surprised that she had been caught, Henley stared at them wide-eyed before disappearing and running off. Kelley looked at Hope and then back at the empty doorway. She called out, “Henley?”

 

Getting out of bed, Kelley followed her daughter’s trail back into the kitchen. She noticed, “I see you already had breakfast…” Henley simply nodded as she carried her dishes to the sink.

 

By now, Hope had walked in, her arms full with little Brynn. She, too, watched Henley and commented, “Freckles, I thought we were going to make waffles together.”

 

Henley just shrugged and replied, “I didn’t think you had time.”

 

Hope admitted, “We slept in a bit, didn’t we? Sweetie, you know your Sissy keeps us busy.”

 

Henley murmured bitterly, “You’re always busy with her.”

 

Noticing the shift in tone in Henley’s voice, Hope cautiously eyed Kelley before agreeing, “Well yeah…she’s a baby.”

 

“So?” Henley immediately sassed in return.

 

“So?” Kelley’s brows arched, genuinely surprised since Henley wasn’t one to talk back. “Henley, are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine.” Henley huffed, crossing her arms.

 

“Henley, tell us what’s wrong.” Kelley said more directly.

 

“Nothing!” Henley exclaimed.

 

“Really? I don’t think this is nothing…” Hope spoke while trying to gain hold of a fidgety Brynn who decided that this was the best time to start acting up.

 

“Yes, it is! It’s nothing.” Henley stressed. She became distracted as her mother bounced Brynn up and down in attempts to subdue her. The moment Brynn started to whimper, Henley lost her cool and exclaimed, “I don’t want to talk! And even if I wanted to, you wouldn’t have time!”

 

“Wait, what?” Hope was slightly taken back. “That’s not true. Henley-” Before she could finish her sentence, Henley had run off to her bedroom, loudly closing the door. Hope quickly followed and over the whimpers of Brynn in her arms, she jostled the locked doorknob and said, “Sweetie, please open the door.”

 

Kelley was now standing beside Hope, laying a hand gently on her wife’s forearm, “It’s okay; she’ll come around.”

 

Hope was clearly out of practice with Henley’s outbursts; she had never experience many of them. She desperately turned to Kelley, “Was it something I said?”

 

“No, no…I don’t know what’s wrong, actually. Let’s just give her some time to cool down. She’ll probably doze off for a bit and then we can go in later. I know how to pick her lock…this has happened a few times before.” Kelley thought back on some of her arguments with Henley. She did point out, “This doesn’t happen often though, so it’s clear she’s pretty upset…”

 

“Okay…” Hope quietly relented, turning her attention to a softly wailing Brynn and following Kelley away from their older daughter’s bedroom.

 

-

 

Just like Kelley predicted, they found Henley asleep a few hours later. The two sat down on her bed beside her and Hope gently shook her awake, “Henley…”

 

The young brunette opened her eyes, but seeing her parents caused her to roll onto her other side. She grumbled, “I said I didn’t want to talk.”

 

Kelley, too, placed a hand on her daughter’s side and reminded, “Henley, it’s important to talk through things when you’re upset, remember? It usually helps.”

 

There was a long pause before Henley finally propped herself up on her elbows and wiped away a few stray tears. Hope sighed at the sight of her daughter, her impatience worrying her, “Baby, what’s wrong?”

 

Henley looked between the two of them before softly asking, “Do you love me?”

 

Hope’s brows drew together in surprise, “What kind of question is that? Henley, of course I do. We both do, very much.” Kelley nodded in agreement. Hope further pressed, “What made you ask that?”

 

Henley shrugged, “I don’t know…maybe it’s because you’re always spending time with Brynn.”

 

Hope and Kelley began to sense the direction this was going and did their best to smolder the tension. Kelley reasoned, “Your sissy needs a lot of attention from us right now. She’s only a baby.”

 

“But you never have time for me anymore!” Henley lamented.

 

“Yes, we do, sweetie.” Hope said, her voice steady and calm. “Henley, you’ve been such a good helper. Why are you feeling like this all of a sudden?”

 

“Even with my help, you’re still tired.” Henley’s shoulders dropped in disappointment.

 

“That’s true.” Hope spoke softly.

 

Henley argued instantly, “Then why did you have another baby?!”

 

Hope responded, “She may make us tired, but we still love and take care of her…just like we did with you when you were this tiny.”

 

Kelley sighed, deciding to try reasoning from a different perspective. “Henley, you have to understand that there’s two of you now. You have to share us with Brynn; she’s your little sister.”

 

“But what if I don’t want to share anymore?” Henley innocently proposed.

 

Hope smiled at the young girl’s innocence and began stroking her hair for comfort, “Freckles, it doesn’t work that way. We can’t just stop loving Brynn because you’re jealous.”

 

“I’m not jealous!” Henley frowned, crossing her arms. She was stubborn when it came to admitting her feelings. She continued, “I just…some things make me upset sometimes.”

 

“Like?” Kelley prompted.

 

“Well, like, all she has to do is make a whiny noise, which is like all the time, and you instantly go to be with her…even if you were with me before. You’re always busy with your ‘Chipmunk’!” Henley explained, an edge to her voice.

 

Hope reasoned, “Our little ‘Chipmunk’ is indeed needy, but remember we love you both.” She further pointed out, “We gave you a special nickname too, you know.”

 

“But everyone thinks ‘Chipmunk’ is cuter than ‘Freckles’!” Henley pouted.

 

“I think they’re equally cute…” Hope reminder her daughter, “Your mother told me you weren’t the biggest fans of squirrels anyways, and chipmunks are basically squirrels.”

 

“I like squirrels!” Henley quickly countered.

 

“Oh, so now you like them?” Kelley gave her daughter a narrowed look.

 

“I have my stuffed squirrel!”

 

“You only like that because it’s the first stuffed animal I ever gave you…sweetie, you can’t just change what you like or dislike in order to get attention from us.” Kelley gently reprimanded, causing Henley to break eye contact and look at her hands in her lap.

 

“Hey, plus you have a bonus nickname from Aunty Pinoe, remember?” Hope tried to cheer the young girl up.

 

“That doesn’t matter. Sissy is Aunty Pinoe’s new favorite.” Henley continued, her envy still clear.

 

“Who said? She loves the both of you the same.” Kelley explained.

 

“But she gets to be Brynn’s godmother and I get Aunty Carli!”

 

Hope couldn’t help but chuckle, “What’s wrong with Aunty Carli?” She turned to Kelley, smirking quietly, _We’re not ever letting Carli know she said that; it’ll destroy her._

“Nothing, I guess…she just lives so far away and I barely get to see her!” Henley whined, her jealousy stirring in her until it was fully released. She wrinkled her nose, “Brynn gets whatever she wants. She’s perfect. Everyone wants to be with her because she’s a baby, she’s too cute, she even has blue eyes and-”

 

“Blue eyes?” Hope interrupted, confused as to why Henley would be so upset over something like that.

 

“Yeah, she gets to have blue eyes, just like you, Mommy.”

 

Hope knew there was something bigger underlying Henley’s argument. She spoke, “We don’t get to choose what color eyes you two have…it was just by chance that Brynn has a color similar to mine. It’s sort of like how you have Momma’s freckles- Brynn may or may not get those. We’ll see. But regardless of what you look like, we love you both equally.” She reiterated once again.

 

“I know…” Henley finally conceded before revealing what was bothering her the most. She turned to Hope, “But Mommy, it’s not fair…I only got you back now and Sissy gets you from when she’s really, really little.”

 

This instantly silenced Hope and Kelley, knowing that Henley was still too young to fully understand what happened between them. It was their fault she had been caught in their rocky past, but it was their goal to help her understand that they had moved on and were even happier now.

 

Hope felt obliged to explain, so she opened her arms. “Henley, come here.” The young daughter couldn’t resist cuddling with her mother, so she climbed into her mother’s arms, laying her head against the former keeper’s chest. Hope softly told her, “You’re right…Brynn is going to have a different experience growing up; she’ll always have me around, something that you never had. But that certainly doesn’t make me love you less. Henley, even though I wasn’t around, there wasn’t a day that went by without me thinking of you. What happened in the past is something I can’t change, but we can all learn from it and move forward. Your mother and I are really happy now, baby, and that’s never going to change, especially because we have you and Brynn.” Henley nestled in further into her mother. Hope squeezed her tight and continued, “You’re very special to me, Henley. You own a corner of my heart. Brynn owns a corner of my heart. And Mommy does, too.” She looked up at Kelley, who smiled in return and finding Hope incredibly attractive as she held their little girl.

 

The tense feelings in the room that were there earlier finally disappeared. After allowing everything to sink in, Henley looked up at Hope and Kelley, and asked, “So am I your favorite big girl? And Brynn is your favorite little girl?”

 

“Sure, yeah. Exactly that.” Both Hope and Kelley laughed, planting small kisses on Henley’s head. They embraced each other for a moment before Brynn’s cries were heard down the hall.

 

Henley turned towards the cries, slightly alarmed. Though her little sister could get needy, Henley couldn’t help but be concerned and now that she understood that she was equally loved, she told Kelley, “Sissy needs you…but can Mommy just stay with me a little longer to cuddle?”

 

“Of course, Freckles.” Kelley looked at Hope, who wrapped her arms tighter around Henley.

 

The two shared a small moment together, their hearts overflowing with pure love and the spaces between their relationships completely full.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, we finally get to see that little green check on this story...I'm so glad I was able to share this with you all, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it :) Come hang out with me on tumblr (uswnt-ko5); this story isn't entirely quite over yet- I have an inbox full of Henley Headcanons that'll find their way to y'all soon! Thanks for reading!


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